Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

babybug631 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 08:56 PM

Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

FH and I have always been very close with his cousin and her husband. Recently, FH got so fed up with the husband (he's obnoxious and rude, which everyone knows and has excepted) that he doesn't really want to see them anymore. It was a long series of events that has led to this point, which I won't bore you with. I stay out of it, but he knows my stance, which is I think he shouldn't sacrifice his relationship with his cousin just because her husband is annoying.

I still have a relationship with her. I spoke with her a week ago and she said she would come to the bachelorette party, but didn't know if she would come to the wedding because FH wants nothing to do with her or her husband. Which is understandable.

Now I'm hoping this whole thing will eventually blow over. But, now FH just found out that she is not going to the bachelorette party because her husband told her not to go. He doesn't want to spend money on my bachelorette party when FH is acting like this. FH is mad because they are taking it out on me. So aside from all of this here is my dilema.

I am mailing the invitations tomorrow if not Monday. FH does not want to invite them. I want to stay out of it, but I don't think this is the best way to handle it.

Should I just let him make the decision or should I speak to FMIL? I know if they don't get an invitation it will cause a HUGE problem in his family.

What should I do?

Happybride2005 Posted: Oct 21, 2005 09:01 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

to keep peace in the family, i would mail it

amyandbill Posted: Oct 21, 2005 09:32 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

mail the invitation, not worth the aggravation

BJandDan Posted: Oct 21, 2005 09:37 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

Explain to her that you want her there and that the men need to sort out their problems but it shouldn't come between the two of you! Good luck!

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Oct 21, 2005 09:45 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I would definitely send the invite. She can decline if she really can't make it and this way you won't get BS that you left her out.

LovelyChas Posted: Oct 21, 2005 10:59 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I would send the invite and explain to your husband that its not that you are taking sides (cause men will think that) but that you are trying to keep the peace in the family.

Good luck!

JennJay Posted: Oct 21, 2005 11:04 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

Posted by Happybride2005

to keep peace in the family, i would mail it

Absolutely. You don't want to get involved. It is his cousin, and even if you guys never spoke, they would be invited, because they are family right? It isnt like they are going to cause a stir at your wedding. It won't casue any harm if you invite them, however, you don't know the consequences if you don't..... And in 5 years, your FH and his cousin could be best friends again, cause family can always forgive eachother, but at that point they may not forgive you.

thefirstlady Posted: Oct 21, 2005 11:12 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I'd mail it anyway, you don't want the whole family in an uproar, just b/c the guys aren't getting along right now!

alex110879 Posted: Oct 22, 2005 10:42 AM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I would invite because it could come to bite you in the tush in the long run.... It is not worth it...

MissingTheBGene Posted: Oct 22, 2005 11:14 AM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I agree with everyone, mail the invite. Do you speak to her on the phone? Maybe you can call her and explain that you would like her to be there, that this between your FH and her husband really shouldn't affect your relationship. If you're not that close, maybe your FMIL can say something to her? But definitely, mail the invite.

Good luck!

October Bliss Posted: Oct 22, 2005 11:20 AM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

To keep the peace, you have to mail the invitation. If things are so bad that FH's cousin isn't coming to the bachlorette party, then they probably won't come to the wedding either, but that's not a reason not to send it.

My grandmother was in NY a few months ago. There was a huge family feud, which resulted in my grandmother telling everyone that would listen that she will NEVER set foot in New York again. I'm sending her an invite knowing that she will not attend.

FDWedding07 Posted: Oct 22, 2005 12:01 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I think you should mail it. It always feels good to be the better one. Good Luck I hope it all works out for you.

metmymatch Posted: Oct 22, 2005 12:22 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

Posted by LovelyChas

I would send the invite and explain to your husband that its not that you are taking sides (cause men will think that) but that you are trying to keep the peace in the family.

Good luck!

i agree!

frosty Posted: Oct 22, 2005 02:25 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

I would mail it, and then let the cousin and her husband decide whether or not to attend. And I'd tell FH that you sent it to keep the peace in the family, and that you don't think they will attend anyway.

mtdr1106 Posted: Oct 22, 2005 06:30 PM

Re: Problem. Need advice!! Sorry long...

i would totally mail it. i am having similar family aggrevation - and one thing that is always constant is your family.

FH will regret it if his cousin does not get invited. if she and her husband choose not to come to your wedding - that is on them....

you are stuck in the middle and it stinks - but i would not let anybodys BS make you look like a bad rude person.

save face and send it.

good luck....