Problems with FH

Not sure if this is too personal for some girls - but here's my issue. FH's family isn't that well off and mine is - however we are splitting everything. FH makes good money and so he is contributing however he is totally using it against me. Plus FH feels he needs to help his parents for his whole life without even discussing it with me - I'm not the kind of girl that's going to put his parents on the street - obviously I'll do the right thing, but I don't know why he would do these things without talking to me about it. We're not even married and money's an issue?? As it is - marriage is exciting but nerve wrecking and all the constant fights with FH about money and his parents (who I wouldn't put it past them if they were brainwashing him) - is really taking ALL the excitement out of the whole planning process and the excitement out of marriage for me. Should I just let him do his thing when it comes to them and stay out of it? Or should I hold my ground? Sorry for the long vent - and I'd appreciate any advise.

You have to accept FH for who he is, if he wants to financially helphis parents out for the rest of their lives, that is his perogative. You have to decide if that is what 'you' want to do. There should be no fighting,unless this holding it against you thing is the real problem.
Is he under the impression that your parents should be paying for the wedding?
I hope it all works out for you

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Posted by diva7531

You have to accept FH for who he is, if he wants to financially helphis parents out for the rest of their lives, that is his perogative. You have to decide if that is what 'you' want to do. There should be no fighting,unless this holding it against you thing is the real problem.
Is he under the impression that your parents should be paying for the wedding?
I hope it all works out for you

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Yes, he is under the impression that my parents should be paying for EVERYTHING - but that's just not how it really works anymore. And when the initial discussion of finances took place - no one opened their mouth about any of it so after the RH was booked he decides they're strapped for $.

You two need to work this out before you get married.
Is FH going to support his parents for the rest of their lives ? How are you each going to take care of your respective monies ? Will you combine them, keep separate accounts ?

Seriously, see a couples counselor before you get married. Also sounds like there are some other underlying issues.
Good luck

Finances are a HUGE ISSUE!!! TOTALLY HUGE!!!!!! this is something that you definitely need to work out before marriage...
I can understand that your family and his family are in different situations.. and that they still want to split the wedduing.... it's VERY NICE OF EVERYONE...but maybe you can explain to FH that his family doesn't have to 'MATCH' what your family can give ...

and about 'helping his family' for the rest of your lives.. he's going to want to help his family.. im sure... but you are going to have to decide on how far that goes.. and talk about it BEFORE you get married becausae it can become a VERRRY sensitive topic.

when you say splitting, do you mean your parents and his parents are splitting the wedding? you and him are splitting the wedding? you and him share finances generally?

money is the #1 source of major fights in marriages so hopefully you can figure out a way to work things out, whatever the issue is

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Posted by luvFH2008

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Posted by diva7531

You have to accept FH for who he is, if he wants to financially helphis parents out for the rest of their lives, that is his perogative. You have to decide if that is what 'you' want to do. There should be no fighting,unless this holding it against you thing is the real problem.
Is he under the impression that your parents should be paying for the wedding?
I hope it all works out for you

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Yes, he is under the impression that my parents should be paying for EVERYTHING - but that's just not how it really works anymore. And when the initial discussion of finances took place - no one opened their mouth about any of it so after the RH was booked he decides they're strapped for $.

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First, you should be very greatful(not saying ur not so dont take that the wrong way) that his parents ARE contributing...because even though ur saying 'thats just not how it works anymore', there are still a LOT of groom's families who dont contribute. Mine included. DH & i paid for our wedding ourselves, and my mom who is a single mom & broke helped with what she could(which was actually a really decent amount). DH's mom(who i DO love very much) is the head of radiology at mather hospital & never offered us a penny. She gave us a hard time when we asked her to help us out with STAMPS for the invites, and in the end gave us a hard time about the rehearsal dinner which was her one & only thing. So honestly, you should be greatful and accept anything they're willing to give, because they really don't have to offer anything. Now that being said, if they agreed BEFOREHAND to pitch in, and NOW they're bringing up issues, then yea - be pissed. Now as for the money issue with you & FH, settle it now, and dont wait untill ur married..dont just settly and let it slide either if it bothers u, because it'll only lead to resentment & future issues down the road...like all the other posters, money & finances are a HUGE deal in marraiges these days..and COMMUNICATION is so important in ALL aspects of any issue. I'm happy to say that DH & I NEVER fight over money, because we know the problems it can lead too. If you want, i know of an awesome AWESOME pre-marital class out in smithtown that covers all these topics and really gets you talking & working things out BEFORE u walk down the aisle. You can FM me if u'd like the info. i wish u the best of luck & hope that u & FH can settle all this! try not to let it rob ur joy