We are thinking of asking his parents about moving in with them, until the wedding next year.
We are both working two jobs, and I live in Manhattan, and him on Long Island, the commute is a pain for both of us, but more for him than me, because being a 'city girl', I'm used to trains and buses..he's used to driving everywhere.
I guess what I am trying to figure out, is with all the stress of working two jobs, and planning a wedding, and everything else we are trying to do, would it benefit our relationship to live together? or not?
Oh.. and his parents were originally opposed to this idea, because they are very old fashioned, but have recently come around.. so my other worry is, how will this look to his very traditional parents, even if they give the okay?
It's complicated...lol
I told my FH, if we survive the next year, without killing each other, our married life will be a breeze...lol
Any thoughts or advice would be most helpful Thanks Jen :)
LovelyL
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
I understand the commute is a burden, and planning a wedding is very stressful. But, I would not consider living with my in-laws. I love them and get along with them just fine, but I would feel that it was akward and weird.
I would say if was more of a temporary situation (like a couple of months), go for it. However, a year is a very long time!
This is just my opinion of course.....and like they say in an old Salt 'N Peppa song......'Opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one.'
prncssrachel
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Well........I don't know if I will help, but I will tell you my situation..........
JT and I moved in together two years ago when we moved to Massachusetts, but when we returned to Long Island, we knew there was no way in HELL we'd be able to save for the wedding AND pay rent, so we thought about moving in with his parents, who are also VERY old fashioned. They are so old fashioned that his father thought we had SEPARATE bedrooms in MA Anyway, they were ok with us moving in with them, but for sanity's sake, we decided to move in with MY parents. It's nice living together because I also work two jobs, and JT will be working two as well, and so the pressure of making time to see eachother isn't there, which is nice because I AT LEAST get to see him at night when I go to bed, which is nice, quality time BUT.............it's hard to live with one of the sets of parents. My parents, who are GREAT, still butt into our arguments, conversations, etc, AND we have a separate suite away from them. And, we already know what it's like to be on our own together with no one else, so the lack of privacy is very annoying right now. But in the end, the amount of money we are saving FAR EXCEEDS the annoyance of living with my parents. Hope that helped and good luck with your decision!
Marisa&Brian
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Living with your inlaw is a bad idea. - no matter how much you love or get along w/ them- - Do you BOTH have separate apartments ?? maybe you would conside moving in to ONE together - it wouldn't save as much money as living w/ his parents, but BELIEVE me it will save your sanity !!
september2004
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
no way...
the only reason i would ever move back home or in with FIL's is if some financial emergency proved no other option. this would include any health related issues and/or single woman raising kids scenario. saving for a wedding does not constitute an emergency for me.
i love my family and get along with my FIL's just fine, but FH and i have always been independent and intend to keep it that way...
prncssrachel
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Posted by september2004
no way...
the only reason i would ever move back home or in with FIL's is if some financial emergency proved no other option. this would include any health related issues and/or single woman raising kids scenario. saving for a wedding does not constitute an emergency for me.
i love my family and get along with my FIL's just fine, but FH and i have always been independent and intend to keep it that way...
I still consider myself to be independent, no matter where I live. JMO.
charlotte227
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Don't do it my Granparents once told me no matter what never move in with your parents, be an adult and remain independent...even if his parents say ok and they were intially opposed my gut reaction is no, they will not respect you fully...the 1st incident and you'll be an outcast and maybe end up with no wedding...besides when you and your fiance need some quiet time you need to be alone and be comfortable being alone keep your own place in the long run you will be glad...money and friends don't mix particularly in-laws
prncssrachel
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Seriously, I TOTALLY respect the answers that everyone is giving, but some of us DO live together with our parents and inlaws, and I think that saying things like, 'Be an adult and don't do it,' are really disrespectful and ignorant. I am no less of an 'adult' because we live with my parents. Not all of us have high paying jobs, not all of us can save AND pay Long Island/NYC rent. I never get annoyed at what other people say because it's their opinions, but don't make sweeping generlizations.
sarahthegreat
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
I would like to say, 'never in a million years,' however, after the wedding we will most likely move in w/my IL's. Evern though my FMIL gets on my last nerve b/c she asks like shes my mother. Which is not the case at all, I remind her all the time, that my mom's at home. unless we have a billion dollars to get our own place, we have to compromise. I agree with the statment made by 121502, I am still an adult and make my own choices. Just because you would not move in with the IL's, doesn't mean that no one else should.
nferrandi
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
I think living together before marriage is a good idea, but living with your in-laws is probably not. I can't speak for everyone, and I won't try to, but I know from friends who have done it that it's more than difficult. You loose your privacy and they wind up involved in things that aren't their business, even if they really don't intend to and mean well. I understand that you have tough work situations and saving can be difficult, but maybe you can find other options to help you budget. Maybe find a cheaper apartment for the two of you, have a certain amount of $$ taken from each week's pay check, cut back on certain spending habits, etc.. I would move in with the in-laws only after exhausting all other possibilities. I don't think living with them would make either of you less of an adult, I just think that the sacrifices you would make may be more than you realize.
Marisa&Brian
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
It's not a matter of 'independence' or being 'an adult' - it's a matter of saving money - which is perfectly understandable - I don't see anything wrong w/ living w/ your parents if you have to - (in my case I couldn't afford to pay $1500 in rent AND save enough for a wedding) - I just think it's a bad idea to live WITH your Fiancee in WITH his/your parents. - Why bother living together ?? - it's not like you have the privacy and the ease, - I just feel that it puts MORE of a strain on the relationship and an already stressful time. - But everyone is different, I could never handle that - some people don't mind it - Just know what you're getting yourself into !
Julestrd
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
We are HAVING to move in with my FILS for the simple fact that we don't live in NY now. I get out of the military this summer and will be unstable financially with the wedding and all. His parents have built the basement into a room of our own for us and are building a bathroom. Hopefully it won't be too bad!!
I think its a great way to help save some $$$$$$$$$$! however there are times I'd feel uncomfortable. I also feel after the wedding you should have your own place because it is so important to have that alone time at the beginning of a marriage, just my thoughts though. So good luck with whatever you choose.
lullabella
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
I recommend NO. I would move home to my parents house and have him move to his parents first.
Pookiesangel
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Thanks girls :)
In my heart, I feel that moving in with them, wouldn't be the best for us. If any of you have read some of my previous posts about my FMIL, and her tendency to be pushy, you can understand my reservations.
I feel bad telling my FH, no. But he understands, atleast my major points..lol
Right now we both live with our parents, and that saves us money enough. What we each give our parents to help out, is way less than what we would be paying in rent, either in NYC or somewhere on LI.
Plus I think a little space is good in a relationship, we will be together for the rest of our lives, and I feel like learning to live with each other will be hard enough, why should I add learning to live with his parents too?
I just wanted some feedback from you all, to see if I right to feel the way I do.
Thanks again :)
Jen_n_Dale
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
I have pros. My sister in law and brother moved back home for a while. It was great. There was always someone to hang out with. There were never any draw backs for us. And it actually brought us all closer.
The only con was my brother would abuse my cat more. (only in the most lovingest of terms)
NYCHICK
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Re: Pros and Cons of moving in with FILS?
Would you ll be sharing the samew space? ie. kitchen, bathroom etc.
