Put FSIL in wedding party?

FunBride Posted: Sep 13, 2004 07:36 PM

Put FSIL in wedding party?

My FH thought it would be nice if I asked his brother's girlfriend (soon to be fiance) to be in the party. The only thing is - we have absolutely NO relationship, nothing in common...and she's in school and lives in Raleigh, NC. Should I ask her anyways? I'm thinking i'll avoid more problems by asking her than not. What do you think?

Bunnymonkey Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:08 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

personally, i would not. i limited my wedding party to sisters and best friend only. I did not even ask FH's sisters. Keeping it small and close=keeping my sanity.

Murray Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:13 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I did not ask my FSIL (FH's sister) just becuase we are really not that close, and have never even lived in the same states...I felt bad at first, but personally, I am glad that I did not ask her....Do what you feel is right, but don't ask her unless you really want her in the wedding, not just because you feel bad...hope this helps...

Chrissa Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:14 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

So glad you asked this. FH and I were just talking about this last night. I considered it BUT...I thought it would be so werid to go like dress shopping with her, or have her at the Bachlorette party...I think it might be akward. Let me know what you do!

tinkerwdw Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:18 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I wouldn't either. I went through this same delimma with my FH's sisters. He has FOUR two from both parents, then one half from mom and one half from dad! He also has a sis in law that I am actually closer to than any of his sisters- so, I would have to have FIVE extra people to my already four sisters and three friends....
I have found out that less people equals less headache- especially if someone lives in another state. The way I personally see it- your bridesmaids are supposed to be people that YOU are close with that have been with you through the years. Adding someone that you don't know to stand up for you along with your closest friends/family I feel kind of takes away the honor of feeling 'specially picked' from the others. That is just my opinion.

Maybe you could offer to give her some sort of 'job' to do so she feels included- like handing out things at the church, etc.

Happybride2005 Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:50 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

MY FSIL(BIL's wife) isn't in the bridal party. We went out with her 2x's. I don't really know her. FI brother asked why we picked a hall in Long Island. He said we got a good deal. FBIL says his wife doesn't drive on the highway. That's not our fault.

butterfly20 Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:52 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

i think it depends on how you picked your bridal party... like if your like me and the more the merrier then i would add her, also then it will give someone for your fbil to be paired up with

dbcrosby Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:56 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

i would if you know that their relationship will end in marriage. i just think its the right thing to do, if Fh wants this.

randella Posted: Sep 13, 2004 08:57 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I think you should have her in it. Eventually you will have more of a relationship with her. I think bigger wedding parties are the norm these days.. Plus, it's nice to have couples in your wedding party walk down the aisle together.

But- if you can't stand this girl and cannot bear the thought of her being in the BP, do not have her.

Maribelle7777 Posted: Sep 13, 2004 09:08 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

She may not want to be in it considering she's so far away and she doens't know you that well either.

I would ask her to do something like hand out the ceremony programs or hand out bubbles or whatever you're having guests toss.

Marisa&Brian Posted: Sep 13, 2004 11:14 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

If it was important enough to your FI for him to ask you to include her, I'd do it.......

BriBri529 Posted: Sep 13, 2004 11:24 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I wouldn't. I have my 2 FSILs in mine, but I am pretty close with them.

Plus in your case, they aren't even engaged yet . . . you never know what could happen in the future . . .

jensun Posted: Sep 13, 2004 11:29 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I am having my future sister in law in my wedding party, we don't have a very close relationship but I am in hers and so I felt like it was the right thing to do, I think we both felt like that.

mia72098 Posted: Sep 13, 2004 11:47 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I did not ask my sister in law. We are not close so I did not feel obligated.

bogiedmb41 Posted: Sep 13, 2004 11:56 PM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

i fyou dont have a good relationship with her i wouldnt. tell your FH that you feel uncomfortable asking someone you barely know.

RedRoses Posted: Sep 14, 2004 12:05 AM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

I wouldn't do it, but I'm pretty conventional when it comes to prematurely giving girlfriends/boyfriends roles in the family equivalent to wife/husband. They may be soon to be engaged, but they're not now. By including her in the wedding party, that puts pressure on their relationship. Also, what if g-d forbid their relationship didn't take that course? My FHIL and I discussed putting my brother in the wedding party, but I only have one brother and FHIL's brother is his best man. Plus, my brother would be my best man if I were male or my MOH if he were female--if you know what I mean. It's not like we're joined at the hip or anything, but we do have a solid relationship. I would never expect my brother's gf or future wife to be in the wedding party unless I had a significant relationship with her. Yes, wedding parties can be big these days, but there's a lot of coordination that goes into it that we don't even realize until we get there. Also, let's not forget that your wedding party is about honoring the people who are most special to you not the people you're afraid to insult. Would she even be insulted if she wasn't included? Would he? Just something to think about . . .

me&james Posted: Sep 14, 2004 12:06 AM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

Hey FunBride! This situation actually happened to me yesterday! (Well, not exactly the same but...)

First of all, do it!

What do you have to lose? Nothing. What do you have to gain? Everything. When you ask her, let her know that although you do not know her well know, you hope that you will get to know eachother better in the future. Let her know that family is important to you, and you respect you FH and Fbil and as you are so important to them, she is important to you. Is that cheesy? I don't know...but if you don't know her you don't want her to think you are strange for asking her. Let her know you reasons. She will be more than happy, and even happier to know that her future family is so warm and wonderful.

So back to my story, it was my e-party on Saturday. We had people fly in from Vancouver, Montreal, Conneticut, and Australia..very nice of them all. Anyway, one guy was kinda hinting he wanted his daughter as a flower girl (I already have 2). I have met this man once and his daughter once (at her baptism). However, this man is one of my FH business partners and I understand their rltp is important. So I just asked if his daughter would be a part - he was ecstatic. For me, I see that I made this family so happy. And there is nothing better than starting off your new life with your FH's family loving you!!

Anyway, I keep babbling, sorry - Do it!

Just don't do it if you think there is a chance that they may not marry - that would suck...

Best of luck

(sorry this was soo long )

exotica776 Posted: Sep 14, 2004 12:10 AM

Re: Put FSIL in wedding party?

Posted by FunBride

My FH thought it would be nice if I asked his brother's girlfriend (soon to be fiance) to be in the party. The only thing is - we have absolutely NO relationship, nothing in common...and she's in school and lives in Raleigh, NC. Should I ask her anyways? I'm thinking i'll avoid more problems by asking her than not. What do you think?

this one hits close to home, except we were extremely close..... fh's brother went out w/ his gf for 4.5 years...we did everything together, went on numerous trips, always hung out, etc. it was a given that she would be in my bridal party. out of nowhere, they broke up in june, and they are done. I mean these two were ring shopping etc.... and now done. We are all so sad about this, right after it happened we had hopes they would be back together, then we realized it was really over with. we discussed the bridal party and it was kind of left as you are still wanted in the bridal party if you still want to be in it.....now we dont talk at all (due to a few shady things that have happened...she is actually with someone else now but that is a whole other story lol.
anyway enough of my babbling, here is my point.
its weird, they say make sure you wait until at least the year before to ask your bridal party cause u never know what the situation will be... well the others are my lifetime friends and family, and i thought she was a 'given' as well. if you have 'NO' relationship at all, and it is just his GF right now, and she lives out of state, I wouldnt ask her. things happen, people break up, and you arent even friends. your wedding, and the days leading up to it, are not the time to find out whether you like this girl or not.