QOTD 11-11-09

StellaStar13 Posted: Nov 11, 2009 09:09 AM

QOTD 11-11-09

Good Morning Ladies,

I hope everyone is doing ok. Here is your question of the day.....

I know that some of us have know our FH for many years and some for only a few. If you could go back in time to some point of your first year w/FH, and give yourself one piece of advice regarding FH, yourself or the future; what would you say?

I would go back to 4 months into our relationship. At this point I was in a situation where I needed to find a new apartment (my landlord was selling the house I was living in) so I chose to take an apartment just a few blocks away from FH so I could be close to him. I HATED the apartment!!!!! It was in a basement very dark and gloomy. Thank goodness I was only there for exactly 1 year b/f I moved in w/FH but I was miserable every min of it.

I would tell myself that I should find the apartment that would make me happy and not worry so much about being close to FH. I chose to make a decision based on FH and at that point in our relationship I should of just been confident that he would visit and our relationship would move forward whether I was a few blocks or a few miles away from him.

Have a great day!

soontobecruz Posted: Nov 11, 2009 09:11 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

Easy... I would tell him not to take the job with the union working nights... he wouldn't have been driving home at 3am and most likley wouldn't have ever had his car accident.

We are stronger for it though

AngnShaun Posted: Nov 11, 2009 09:13 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I guess knowing what I know now... i would not have let him get into as much trouble gambling... we'd be a lot better off now...

Kimbiz1 Posted: Nov 11, 2009 10:12 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

WOW, what a chance...I guess I would have just been more secure and not stressed over every minute he was out with his friends. I'd tell myself to just trust him and his feelings for me.

StaceyWill Posted: Nov 11, 2009 10:15 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

Wow- the advice would be for myself...and that would be to not go past my two drink limit because then I wouldn't have said or did those things that hurt my FH and that he had a hard time getting over!!! That's been the only speed bump in our relationship, so far.

T E R I Posted: Nov 11, 2009 10:16 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I would tell myself to just go with it and just open up and see what he sees.

When we met, I wasn't too sure that I wanted to be in a relationship, so I kind of had a wall up and wasn't soo easy on him before letting it down and he was full on and I was pushing him away

kris_gets_hitched Posted: Nov 11, 2009 10:20 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I think I would have prepared myself for the long, long road of acceptance within his family that I was facing. It's all because of religious differences, and at this point, most of his family has come around except for his mom.
I really had to grow a thick skin to a lot of stuff and learn how to deal with veiled comments.
But once I identified the behavior as being rooted in a lack of self-esteem and as being manipulative, it was so much easier to deal with - because my mom dealt with that from her MIL. I learned from the best; my mom made me realize that while his mother and I will never be close like some MILs/DILs, we can be civil toward each other. And when she gets obscenely rude with her comments, I don't fight back because what she wants is a reaction...I used to react in a loud manner...now I excuse myself from the vile situation by telling her that she will not manipulate me, nor will her comments be taken to heart, nor will she hurt my soul and my aura in any way.

I wish I would have learned these techniques earlier...but better late than never.

Clover23 Posted: Nov 11, 2009 10:53 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I would have been tougher on him early on in the relationship when he was struggling with alcohol issues. I don't think it would have taken as long as it did for him to grow up in that regard had I not put up with so much.

regy_k Posted: Nov 11, 2009 11:01 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

woulve gone back to 2 months into our relationship and told myself to object him becoming friends with his HS gf. shoulve known that would end up badly with her trying IMO to get back to him

halfbaked Posted: Nov 11, 2009 11:01 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I'd tell myself to tell him to get his azz moving on the Fire Dept. He took the test, they never called him for it (even though he did REALLY well and they called someone who didn't do as well as him) and he just kept waiting. I would've told him to be more aggressive and make sure he gets into it.

FutureCap Posted: Nov 11, 2009 11:03 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

wow... good question! tought one!

I think I would have talked about finances more and encouraged him to save more and stop wasting so much money, and also encourage not to pay insane extra amounts to his school loans b/c they are 'good debt' to have.

es2189 Posted: Nov 11, 2009 11:05 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I would have said don't second guess yourself or let anything get in the way of you being happy.

Becca2010 Posted: Nov 11, 2009 11:15 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

Good question! There are so many moments...

Honestly, I wonder if I would change anything from the 1st year because there are certain things we've been through together that I know have made us a stronger couple. Who knows how things would have turned out if i changed anything...

Maybe I'd try to be cooler about certain things? Not answer certain questions based on what I thought FH wanted to hear rather than what I wanted?

There are moments in later years that I'd change without any doubt in my mind, but not really in the first year.

Lsorrent Posted: Nov 11, 2009 11:46 AM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

Great question......this is a tough one.

I guess I would've told my self to loosen up and not be so serious. I was really hurt by my ex, so it took a while for me to let FH past certain boundaries. And FH has such a fun, comedic, yet often inappropriate personality, that it was just very uncomfortable for me in the beginning.

Now, 10 years later, I just roll my eyes and shake my head when he makes inappropriate jokes, lol.

christine2010 Posted: Nov 11, 2009 12:19 PM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

that's so easy for me to answer.

if i knew then what i know now i would have never agreed to live with FH downstairs from my family. it has been the cause of so many disagreements between FH & i. i hang onto to fact that its better for us to live together then be apart but it was a bad decision for both of us to make. we should have saved for a year & then found our own place.

MikesBride2B Posted: Nov 11, 2009 12:20 PM

Re: QOTD 11-11-09

I would go back and tell myself not to bother with going out of my way to be nice to FMIL and FSIL because they had already decided how they were going to think of me and nothing I did could change that.

I would have told myself to be 100% unapologetically me

Also I would have told FH to start saving more than he was...we could use the $$ now.