QOTD 3/15/09

Sorry this one is a little late... it's Sunday and I went out last night... so I had to sleep in a little bit this morning!

During the last 30 minutes I was just laying there and thinking to myself.....
When I was younger and had the relationships that ended (thankfully those fools are gone!) they somewhat shaped the guy that I was really looking for. For example, my first ex was a crazy control freak with low self esteem and I couldn't wait to get rid of him... when that finally happened my next BF was SO NOT LIKE THE OLD ONE! He was a whole lot more of a guys guy. Some of my friends thought we was also a bit arrogant. After that ended my next BF was TOTAL opposite! He was an Italian (his parents were off the boat) and more feminine than any other guy I had ever come into contact with. He cared sooooo much about his looks, weight, what this person said at work, etc. You name it.... if it was a typical female attribute, he had it! This made me become more hmm... I would say masculine. But I'm such a girly girl so I couldn't stand him being so feminine with things. When that was happily over with I went for THE GUY! This one was the most like me personality wide. He wasn't arrogant like the one guy or feminine like the other (he will pick up a T shirt off the floor and wear it! He's not dirty but he is a GUY!) and definately not a controlling person. So in a sense all my past relationships kind of shaped the guy that I ended up with. they taught me about what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship.
My long long winded question for you guys is.... has your past helped shape the guy you searched (I know I say searched....but I don't necessarily mean that in the literal sense) for? Or did yoiu always know who/what type of guy you would end up with? I would answer this now... but I think my prequel to the question already did that.

YES.

Let's see, there was :

The dumb guy: he would text me and there would be random typos like 'deer' instead of 'dear'

The short guy: He wasn't short per se, but was the same height as me so in heels I was taller

Then there was the up & comming guy: He was trying to find 'who he was' in life


etc etc. etc .

With FH I didnt have to compromise on ANY of the key characteristics I was looking for in a man.


He is equally as intelligent ( if not more so) than I am

He is 6'5

and he is established and driven

In a word : Perfect !


So, my long winded answer is YES, I had to kiss a few frogs to find my prince!

Great question Kerri

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Posted by 9509Bride

YES.

Lets see, there was :

The dumb guy: he would text me and tthere would be random typos like 'deer' instead of 'dear'

the short guy ( who was not short per se but was the same height as me so in heels I was taller)

Then there was the up & comming guy: he was trying to find 'who he was' in life


etc etc. etc .

With FH I didnt have to compromise on ANY of the key aspects I was looking for in a man.


He is equally as intelligent ( if not more so) than I am

He is 6'5

and He is established and driven

in a word : Perfect !


SO my long winded answer is YES, I had to kiss a few frogs to find my prince!

Great question Kerri

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ha ha ha that's a hysterical answer! I love the dumb guy! ha ha ha! I'm sure I dated a few of those! I like tall guys too! FH is 6'6'! So he and your guy would look normal standing next to eachother! Usually when FH stands near someone, esp a short person he looks like a GIANT! Ha ha ha! One of my ex's was 6'7'!!

Oof, this is a loaded question lol.

I will preface this by saying that FH was my first boyfriend and real relationship. I never had a bf or anything in hs, and then my freshman year of college is what I called my 'sl/utty period', which is ironic and hysterical on many, many levels.

First, there was 'coffee boy', the local barista who I stalked since senior year in hs, and finally had the nerve to strike up a convo with one night and he asked for my number. We hung out a few times on campus, but he was a senior and lived there, I was a freshman and did not, and he clearly was looking for someone easy, so eventually, he stopped calling.

Then, I met the guido @ssh0le who effed me up in the head so badly that FH is still reaping the repercussions of it because I use sex, or lack thereof, as a weapon. I thought he was perfect, he was smart, good looking by my standards, we had a lot of the same interests in guitar, classic rock, writing. He was a bit of an egoist though, and kept saying because I wasn't 100% italian, his parents would never allow it to happen, but I didn't care. I was so blinded by all of that, that I didn't put two and two together when in the second week of January he had mentioned that his gf had given him an A/X t-shirt for christmas...

Needless to say, after he had gotten as much out of me as he was going to, he stopped calling as well. I found out after the fact that he was cheating on his gf back home with me, and a few other girls as well. What made it awful is because while we had different social circles, SB is really a small world, and because of the clubs we were involved in there was constant interaction, and it just made the next 4 years of my life hell.

Then I rebounded with someone completely opposite, a nice, quiet, shy, albeit kinda the creepy serial killer type. I wanted desperately to make it work, but I just couldn't force the feelings,and ironically I ended up hurting him just as I had been hurt weeks before, and I still feel a little guilty about that, but it is what it is. I'm still a little paranoid that I'm being kept tabs on though.

Right before I met FH, I got involved with the 'informant' on the first guido, who happened to be his suitemate. I started getting a rep in that dorm, needless to say. We bonded over our mutual hatred of the guy, and he was awesome. He was just as smart as the first guy if not more, he had a wicked sense of humor, he was cute, interesting, everything. It was platonic, we never did anything, but there was definitely a tension. We went on one date, to the greek restaurant in port jeff, and afterwards he invited me back up to his room, and I said no, that I should go home, and I was so, so proud of myself. Then the next week he told me he was dropping out of school and transferring back to his home state out west, and I just was devastated and cried, and cried, and cried, and thought that I would never find anyone and that I just didn't deserve happiness.

Then, mere weeks later, I met FH. And the rest is history. I got a HUGE kick out of it at the time that for our first date, of all places....he took me to the same greek restaurant in port jeff. I was mortified, because the waitstaff was the same, and they DEFINITELY were giving me looks haha. Strangely enough, FH is the complete combination of all of those guys, both in the good qualities and bad. He's a Mediterranean momma's boy who thinks that I should be making him his sauce, but he's a halfbreed himself so he can't fault me for not being 100% italian, though he does fault me for not being 100% Mediterranean. He's extremely smart, he plays guitar, he's a good writer, photographer, jack of all trades. He's a nice guy, most of the time. He's extremely handsome, even though in a tiny package hehe. And, he has an acerbic sense of humor. He's just my best friend, and I love him so much.

I know that was really, really, really long, but I'm so glad you asked that question Kerri. It feels good to just get that out there. It's something that has been torturing me for over 5 years now.

absolutely - every relationship I had up until meeting FH changed what I was seeking.

I think each relationship before FH taught me what I want in a man and more important than that, what I DON'T want.

I dated for 22 years (from 16 - 38) before I found FH - and no one had more bad dates than I did! It's funny to look back on now, but at the time, I really wasn't laughing.

ALI - When I first saw your answer i was like WOW she went for it! but it was fun reading the whole thing!
Strange how there are so many qualities that the ex's had that we just couldn't stand and it's actually a good thing they didn't make the cut.

I wasn't sure about this question.. But just the end of your answer made it all worthwhile to throw it out there and ask!

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Posted by geegee827

absolutely - every relationship I had up until meeting FH changed what I was seeking.

I think each relationship before FH taught me what I want in a man and more important than that, what I DON'T want.

I dated for 22 years (from 16 - 38) before I found FH - and no one had more bad dates than I did! It's funny to look back on now, but at the time, I really wasn't laughing.

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Your second paragraph - took the words right out of my head! Ha ha ha.. I couldn't agree more!
You are totally right.. it is funny to look back now.... and no it wasn't so much fun while in the mist of it all either.

Oh my what an awesome question Keri..

Yes...the guys I dated in my past DEF made me realzie who I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life with.
Lets see, there was one that would call my cell when I was at work...and if I ddin't answer...would come to my job and WAIT for me. Ew! I mean, helloo..I as AT WORK!! And, he became a stalker when I said that we were done. Thank Goooodness FH scared him away!! HAHA

There was one that you mentioned...verry feminime...I mean...I literally thought that he ws gay...I mean, he stared telling me that my clothes were'nt' pretty enogh...riiight LOL or my hair wasn't the right color fo rmy comlextion...my natural hair! ha

I had one guy that was afraid to hang out wth anyoe else but me. I mean, I didn't see ANY of my friends for the 3 months we dated b/c he was 'shy'....whatev!

Oh, this one was great...he was a clean freak! He would come to my house and actually ask to vaccuum my mom's house!! Yeah...odd guys out there;. I was only in 3 serious relationships...but I did have a few that lasted only a few weeks or rather...days! HAHAAHA

DANI -
HA HA HA HA! LMFAO! We all sure did date some freaks! ha ha ha!

My control freak was a stalker too! So we both had a nut job!

My feminine BF was the same way with me!

I didn't have a shy one though!

The clean freak is the best! I'll bet he is probably cleaning someone's house right as we speak! My MOH is a clean freak and I think she's actually attracted to guys with the same compulsion as she has! I should hook her up with him! Ha ha ha! LOL!

I dated this one guy.. we went on ONE DATE! And it was a good date. Nothin bad happened... we clicked. Anyway... We were talking on the phone and he knew my birthday was coming up.... It was my 21st bday. I had just gotten out of a serious 4 year relationship (the arrogant guy) and I was totally heartbroken. So I wasn't very quick to bring a guy around with my friends. I wanted to go out for my 21st bday and be surrounded by my real friends who I've known for so long and love. I didn't want this guy there. He was nice and I would date him again... but i wanted to be with my friends for this night... and after all we ONLY WENT ON ONE DATE! So I told him about my plans with friends, even explained that I just wanted to go out with friends.... his response was 'OK but just so you know, I DON'T DATE WHO RES!'. W T F is that about? All that statement became was a HUGE RED FLAG that he was like control freak ex. And that's enough to make me run run run away! Anyway.... now I'm out at Dublin Pub (this is a long time ago) and I see a missed call... who is it? It's HIM! Turns out he gathered his friends and they were on their way there! I was sooo pissed! He actually proceeded to stand like 20 feet away from me and STARE at me the whole night long! It was sooo uncomfortable! My friends wanted to kill him. I had to keep holding people back and making people ignore him! What a nut job! As if that wasn't bad enough... after this incident... he called and called and called me for weeks on end! I wasn't answering. Screw this nut job! A friend finally had enough and picked up the phone and whatever he or she said to him (I can't remember which friend did this) it sure got him to stop bothering me! but what LOON!??!?!

I know this is going to sound cheesy but in all honesty.. I never knew what I was looking for until I met FH. Before him, I just kind of went with the flow and I never knew what I really wanted. I never even thought it was possible that someone could be so kind, loving, GENEROUS and PATIENT. I think those last two traits were something I was missing in all of my previous relationships. I am not the easiest person to put up with and I never thought I could find someone who put up with my B.S. and my baggage until FH.. I know that is not really an answer to the question but out of the few relationships I have had, all of the exes are so completely different to each other that I can't even begin to tell you what I was looking for!

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Posted by KerriJohnS

Nikki - I can't imagine you being someone who is hard to deal with?!!! You seem so sweet!

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I hide my evil side well!!!

No but in all seriousness, I can be difficult. I am the type of person who will tell you what I am feeling without sugar coating it. It has cost me a lot of friends throughout my life but I rather have the 2 best friends who know and accept how I am then have tons of friends and be fake and phony and talk about them behind their backs like a lot of girls do! In addition to that, I also have really bad anxiety which can be really crippling at times. If I am having a bad day I tend to take it out on the first person who is there which is almost always FH. I try to be good but with the crap fest that has been my life the past year it has been SUPER hard!

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Posted by NikkiR515

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Posted by KerriJohnS

Nikki - I can't imagine you being someone who is hard to deal with?!!! You seem so sweet!

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I hide my evil side well!!!

No but in all seriousness, I can be difficult. I am the type of person who will tell you what I am feeling without sugar coating it. It has cost me a lot of friends throughout my life but I rather have the 2 best friends who know and accept how I am then have tons of friends and be fake and phony and talk about them behind their backs like a lot of girls do! In addition to that, I also have really bad anxiety which can be really crippling at times. If I am having a bad day I tend to take it out on the first person who is there which is almost always FH. I try to be good but with the crap fest that has been my life the past year it has been SUPER hard!

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I tell people what I'm thinking all the time! Even though I think I'm not sugar coating it or anything... and I feel like I might of been harsh... I find that my friends actually like and appreciate it. I think it's because I say it so matter of factly and I always say good things with it as well as confront it from an understanding perpective. The anxiety might be a litle difficult at times. At least you know FH is strong enough to deal with you! that's cute in a way you know? Also, you are totally right.. it's nicer to have a select few REAL friends rather than a whole group of DISTANT friends. ITA!

In all honesty, no, I do not think my past relationships really shaped who I was looking for.
I have had some great relationships and some horrible ones, but I really believe in fate and the fact that you cannot necessarily choose the person you fall in love with.

well i only had one serious relationship b4 i dated fh..we were together from when i was 15 to right b4 my 20th b day....the last 2 yrs he was a jerk..mean to me lied to me and countless cheating..i stayed cause i didnt know any diffrent and was afriad to be with nayone else.....when he dumped me and i finally got over it after a couple months i vowed to never ever ever let anyone treat me the way he did...when fh n i first started dating i told him all this and that if he ever pulled crap like that i would kick him out of my life faster than he could blink...i think it helped us cause we never had any reason to lie or play games..we were honest with each other and still r to this day...we say what we mean and mean what we say....no secrets ...that is why i trust my life with him..he knows me better than anyone in the whole world and i would never disrespect him and would not disrespect me....and its all cause of a jerk

When i was younger I had this whole plan laid out for me. I was to go to college and work in the city and make lots of money and marry a guy who wears a suit to work and buy a house and live happily ever after.


Well 18 years old came and i did the college thing but I was more concerned with my social life and tattoos and going to shows that even though i worked in the city with all the suits and whatever i was always around tough tattooed guys in bands. And there was the one tough tattoed dude in a band that i wanted since i was 18 and i finally got him after 2 failed relationships with other crappy dudes.

I kinda live 2 different lives. The Mon-Fri city working girl and then the weekend chick that just doesnt give a f*ck!

Although im not making tons of money im doing well and i got the REAL man of my dreams thats right for me. I feel like a babbled so much.

my first bf was very smart.. kinda nerdy for being so smart, mumbles alot and kinda f----ed up my head. he was actually toxic for me.. i had no idea... we are still friends and i tell him off all the time!!1 but back then i would get sick often (vomiting) from the anxiety he gaave me. i always felt i wasnt good enough.


the next guy was complete opposite. he was gorgeoous!!!! i had a crush on him throughout hs!! he was the macho italian guy, camaro, leather jacket, the whole thing. he was very simple, a gentleman... but our circle of friends didnt really mesh. he was 'blue collar' which totally doeant bother me.. but he felt inferior to my college degree .. stupid... i was crazy about him.. he broke myheart... i puked over him many times as well!!


then came fh, he is a perfect blend.... he is well spoken, pateint and loves me for me as I am and thats all he wants. I have no anxiety with him. and he is just perfect.. he is a computer guy, very intelligent. it is just so easy with him. our friends and family mesh perfectly and we want the same things out of life.. and i am proud to say he has never made me puke!!!

that's how i know its real!!!

I didn't meet fh till I was 28, and it took lots of bad dates, lots of 'seeing eachother for 2 months' and 1 really long relationship (4 yrs + living together for 1 of them!) to figure out what was 'right' for me.
Seriously I could be Carrie Bradshaw with my dating/relationship experience.

I really didn't know what type of guy I'd end up with, b/c I dind't know what I wanted. I thought I knew, but then looking back it was like.....'what??'

So I took a 6 month sabbatical and DID NOT date, or go out looking for someone. I actually spent that time focusing on me. And in that time I wrote a list of everything that I wanted in a guy. It took a long time to write. I realized that all the qualities that were important to me, none of my exes ever had!! Writing that list made things very very clear.

A few months later on a random night out, without even looking, I met fh. And he was EVERYTHING on that list I wrote and more. And it was SO worth the wait

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Posted by ace730

In all honesty, no, I do not think my past relationships really shaped who I was looking for.
I have had some great relationships and some horrible ones, but I really believe in fate and the fact that you cannot necessarily choose the person you fall in love with.

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great answer... i totally agree