QOTD, DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A FAILURE AS A PARENT...

If you do not do everything like you had planned in your head before the baby was here?? Now that the baby is here.

What are some of the things you had planned but when the baby came things changed?? Please do share.

The reason I ask this, is b/c I have read here and on other parenting boards when mothers, especially, tend to feel like such failures when it comes to birthing and breastfeeding and if they are told their babies are below a certain percentage for their age group etc.

Aren't all babies different and isn't everything about parenting trial and error any way?? Let me here ya ladies???

I don't know if 'failure' is the word -- more like very unorganized and could never catch up!! My house was upside down before the Bear Cub arrived because the furniture hadn't arrived until the day before she was born and all my shower gifts were in my diningroom and it pretty much stayed that way until after I went back to work !! I should state that my diningroom table became the filing cabinet and it made me extremely nervous because I like everything put away and in order!

As for the BF issue -- it was never an option for me and I did feel like a failure in Lamaze when they were PUSHING it on me left and right. I think it's a PERSONAL choice and whatever floats your boat, go with it. For me, it wasn't an option and one I thought I was happy with until the BF enforcers harped on me. I left Lamaze one day almost in tears because of it, but once I got the Cub home, I was totally ok with my choice. I was a formula baby and I thrived (boy did I thrive and I was a preemie to boot).

There were nights when we first brought Gianna home and she was SCREAMING and I felt like a failure as a mother because I couldn't calm her down, but it turned out it was gas and she had a problem pooping (my poor baby) but she's all better now!

You can read a million books and talk to a million people, but I have always said that being a mother is a 'go as you learn' process. What works for one, doesn't work for another. As long as I love and nuture my cub, and know that she feels that love and I see that love when she smiles at me, that's all I need and know that I'm doing a good job!!

Does this make any sense?

Deb you make 100% sense, glad to hear your sweetie does not have gas anymore I love when you write.

Good question Shamma.

I do feel like a failure in many ways because of the c-section. (again NOT a commentary for how others should feel, just how I feel). I didn't feel like a failure as a mother though, but more as a women. Almost as if I am broken in a way. Part of it is my desiree to know what a labor pain feels like- even just a few. I truly have mixed feelings about not waiting until I went into labor naturally and allowing the doctors to schedule the surgery.

Breastfeeding- I think because of my surgery my need to bf got even stronger. It is almost as if I am proving to myself that I 'work' and am not completely broken. It is most likely me trying to fill a huge void left by the way the baby was born.
It could also be that so many family members just tell me to 'use formula' and that they know lots of women who didn't bf well- I HATE being told that I cannot do something

The house- well, I had a lot of stuff in order, but I was working from home and that is VERY different from trying to commute everyday and work in the office and then come home at 7pm. I am also trying really hard to learn to let a few things go longer- like dusting my china closet- since honestly, Molly needs me more than the dust does.

I may be out of line here (because I don't have a baby and am not PG) but this is a good question. I have a hard time understanding how people can struggle with feelings of 'faliure' like Shamma or Michele said when you have brought a beautiful baby into the world. Even if you didn't deliver by 'natural child birth or you can't breast feed (for whatever reason) you have this beautiful little person who needs you for a million OTHER things.

Again I don't have a baby and am not preggo so maybe my thought would change but maybe women put a little too much stress on themselves to do theings the way they think it is supposed to be done. In reality that little baby is the one calling the shots. In Michele's case beautiful Molly didn't want to turn (no matter how hard we all wished her to) and while it may not have been her ideal maybe it was Molly's. (and look at how perfect she is)-sorry Michele don't mean to use only you as an example but you all get the idea.

Babies know what they want. And you all being moms have the most amazing jobs taking care of their every need. I think new moms should just enjoy it. The time seems to go so quick (as we see how big all the babies here are getting)

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Posted by JENHOS

I may be out of line here (because I don't have a baby and am not PG) but this is a good question. I have a hard time understanding how people can struggle with feelings of 'faliure' like Shamma or Michele said when you have brought a beautiful baby into the world. Even if you didn't deliver by 'natural child birth or you can't breast feed (for whatever reason) you have this beautiful little person who needs you for a million OTHER things.

Again I don't have a baby and am not preggo so maybe my thought would change but maybe women put a little too much stress on themselves to do theings the way they think it is supposed to be done. In reality that little baby is the one calling the shots. In Michele's case beautiful Molly didn't want to turn (no matter how hard we all wished her to) and while it may not have been her ideal maybe it was Molly's. (and look at how perfect she is)-sorry Michele don't mean to use only you as an example but you all get the idea.

Babies know what they want. And you all being moms have the most amazing jobs taking care of their every need. I think new moms should just enjoy it. The time seems to go so quick (as we see how big all the babies here are getting)

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Very well said Jen

I am not offended and I do not expect you to understand how or why I feel the way I do. BUT that does not change my feelings one bit.
It is not something that I can easily explain. I will post something right after this in another thread that, perhaps, will help you better understand.

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Posted by michele31

I am not offended and I do not expect you to understand how or why I feel the way I do. BUT that does not change my feelings one bit.
It is not something that I can easily explain. I will post something right after this in another thread that, perhaps, will help you better understand.

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None of us ever will until you have gone thru it. and even then all of us will feel differently. You are entitled.