I'm having a rough day so far (and it's only 11:25!!) So the QOTD of the day has just turned into the JOTD (Joke Of The Day). Give me your favorite joke!!!!!!!
(I'm going a little raunchy here)
What do you call a blonde with pigtails???
A BJ with handles!!!!!!!
***No offense to any blondes...I used to be one!
ETA - I'll take this down if I have offended anyone...just let me know as it was not my intention.
um... i've got a few. (WARNING... THEY'RE RAUNCHY)
One morning in the office, a man mentions to a coworker that her hair smells nice today. The woman suddenly grows enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares loudly that she’s quitting and has decided to file a sexual harassment suit. “Come on,” says the supervisor. “What’s wrong with a guy saying your hair smells nice?” “He’s a midget!”
------
A husband and wife are sharing a bottle of wine when the husband says, “I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.” The wife thinks for a few moments, then says “your 'member' is bigger than your brother’s.”
------
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, 'When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?'
The husband replied, 'All I wanted to do was to bang your brains out, and suck your taytas dry.'
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, 'What are you thinking now?'
He replied, 'It looks as if I did a pretty good job.'
-----
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, 'If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.'
She removes all her clothing and asks, 'Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?'
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, 'Here, iron this!'.
---
okay i need to stop... i'm going to spin off before i do a total hijack
A little boy in school raises his hand and says: 'I gotta take a piss' The teacher says: 'The word is urinate. Before I let you go to the bathroom, you have to use the word 'urinate' in a sentence'. The little boy says: 'OK, here it goes: You're an eight. If you had bigger boobs, you would be a ten'.
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?' The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I just beat the sh*t out of a ghost.'
