so here is the deal. Originally I wanted a 2 person WP, that is not happening any more, so now we are up to 9 GMs, 8 BMs and 2 JBMs... BIG DIFFERENCE!
My brother and his girlfriend have been together 7 months longer than FH and I. They will most likely get married. Needless to say my mom keeps asking me if I am going to have his GF in the wedding party. Her argument is that she might be my SIL one day, and mine is that you never know what is going to happen, so unlessthey are married, I am not sure that I want her in it. I like her a lot, but I am just not sure.
I have the room in the WP for one more on my side, I just don't know...
Any adivice you girls have would help! Thanks!!!
p.s. I know someone that had a bad experience with having her brother's GF in the WP so I guess that is making me hesitant as well.
TIA!
FutureJOC
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Re: question about BMs
I say it's your WP, you should have whoever you want in it and not put whoever you want in it. Don't let your family members or anyone affect your decision about who should be your bridesmaid.
My mom kinda did the same thing to me at first because I was having 2 of my cousins as BMs and she asked if I was planning on having another cousn of mine in the WP as a GM. I told her absolutely not because my relationship with him (and FH's relationship with him) has become somewhat strained over the past 2 yrs (nothing my mother doesn't know about) and I don't feel comfortable having someone like that in our WP. I want people who have always been there for me when i needed them (same with FH). I told her we would have him do a reading so he is a part of the wedding ceremony but he won't be in the WP.
You just gotta do what you feel is right.
mrsq2be
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Re: question about BMs
Posted by FutureJOC
I say it's your WP, you should have whoever you want in it and not put whoever you want in it. Don't let your family members or anyone affect your decision about who should be your bridesmaid.
ITA
I also went through a similar situation. I caved to my mom but they are family. that's a little different than possibly future family. I dont blame you for having reservations about it. I say, do what YOU want to do and what you think is right.
Notwedyet08
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Re: question about BMs
yea it's your WP-so you decide. Are you close enough to her?? I'm sure she'd be excited to be in your wedding; but don't ask out of obligation or pressure.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: question about BMs
2010-er crasing ...
FH has two brothers who are both married ... his mom was VERY upset that i wasn't going to ask the FSILs to be BMs ... but when FH and I spoke to the brothers directly, they said that they never even considered that!
So don't listen to your mom .... if you like your brother's girlfriend, then ask her ... if you only want her because you 'should', then don't.
as for your comment about somebody else's SIL being a terrible BM, don't think about that - ANYONE can be a bad BM, it has nothing to do with their relationship to you ... it has to do with what kind of person they are.
HTH (wow, sorry this is sorta long)
jwleewedding
Posted:
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Re: question about BMs
it's your WP, so it's your decision. i know that your moms opinion must play a big part in what you decide... but remember... she's going to be in the majority of your wedding pictures... so you have to make sure this is someone you want to be present for the rest of your life.
TheFutureMrs2011
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Re: question about BMs
FutureJOC
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Re: question about BMs
Posted by Melfrank
I'd be very careful of that and make sure it's what you want.. You don't wanna look back at your wedding pictures and say, 'who was that girl???' I say better safe than sorry.
Very good point...
My family actually has a this policy about taking family pictures...
If you are not married into the family or at least engaged to be married into the family, you are not in family picturtes.
After the many times the younger people in my family have been with someone long enough to be in a a fmaily picture and then broken up with them, my aunts and uncles are fed up with having to keep taking pictures with these people down and taking new ones LOL... I wouldn't want to have that happen with my wedding pics!
mybabylovesmoi
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Re: question about BMs
Posted by Melfrank
I'd be very careful of that and make sure it's what you want.. You don't wanna look back at your wedding pictures and say, 'who was that girl???' I say better safe than sorry. I have 2 FSIL's that I am not including in the wedding party.. They are both married (or soon to be) into FH's family so no blood relation to him.. I don't want to risk it.. I want everyone on my side to mean something to me. It happened to my cousin with her brothers now ex-wife, and another brothers gf of 4 years.. both are not around anymore and she can't even display her wedding pictures cause everyone hates the girls so much!!
Just remember it's your choice! So don't be pressured into it. If you truely want her in then go for it! If not, don't feel bad about not including her.
ITA! Well said
evita2781
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Re: question about BMs
i agree w/ everybody and it's your choice. I was actually a BM for for my FSIL's wedding b/c she knew that we were eventually going to get married. I thought it was nice of her to ask but you don't have to if you don't want to. i think she also asked so that FH and I could walk down together. good luck w/ ur choice
KN2011
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Re: question about BMs
I'm assuming they aren't engaged yet? If not then I don't think its neccessary. Maybe you can include her somehow, like doing a reading or something. My fh sister is getting married in July, and I'm not in the BP but that's a whole other situation!
Tromsugar2b
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Re: question about BMs
i asked the same question recently and the responses i got were do what you wanna do and don't put anyone in your party that you don't want to. And I agree it's your day and people shouldn't expect to be in the party and if they do that's their problem.
Jessc4985
Posted:
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Re: question about BMs
Posted by AwaitingAugust
2010-er crasing ...
FH has two brothers who are both married ... his mom was VERY upset that i wasn't going to ask the FSILs to be BMs ... but when FH and I spoke to the brothers directly, they said that they never even considered that!
So don't listen to your mom .... if you like your brother's girlfriend, then ask her ... if you only want her because you 'should', then don't.
as for your comment about somebody else's SIL being a terrible BM, don't think about that - ANYONE can be a bad BM, it has nothing to do with their relationship to you ... it has to do with what kind of person they are.
HTH (wow, sorry this is sorta long)
It wasn't that she was a bad BM it was that they broke up two months before the wedding..... so it was just a weird situation...
allornil
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Re: question about BMs
if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. You could always explain to your brother how you feel and maybe he'll back you up completely.
Jessc4985
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Re: question about BMs
Thank you everyone for the input. You all basically said what I was feeling. I feel better that I am justified for not feeling comfortable with having her in it! Thank you again!!!
