Question about Guest List.... and Etiquette

Alright, so... We're paying for the whole wedding ourselves. We were very adamant about having a Guest List of 120 people... NO MORE. Right now, our list is at 132 and I can't see anywhere else to cut from, without offending anyone.

Because we don't have a lot of out of town guests, we're afraid that there is a strong possibility that most people would RSVP yes. We really only budgeted for 100 guests, so in the event that all 132 people were to show up, we'd be up sh*t's creek.

What is the etiquette in NOT inviting people from the same 'Family Rank?' For example, FH's mom has a brother who is sort of estranged (and OOT) and we were thinking of not inviting him and his family, but all her other siblings are invited. I think FH has met him once in his whole life.

We're sort of afraid that this might upset his mom. She kept saying, 'He won't come, but you still have to invite him.'

What have you guys been doing? Do you think we should leave people on the list that we're fairly certain won't RSVP yes? I think that's so pointless. If you're almost sure they won't come, why invite? Just to be nice?

Honestly, we have a list of about 160 and after looking at it, can't find anyone to cut. BUT I DO know that at least 15 people on my side will not come. They live upstate and have never been to the 'big city' aka Long Island and sure don't want to travel here. I also have cousins in CT, CA, WA and MASS, that I doubt will be coming. So we lucked out that we can invite them to be polite (even though some I really do wish could come), but more likely than not will not have to pay for them.

IMO it could come across as rude if you were to invite all your FH's aunts and uncles except one. They may be semi-estranged now, but 10 years down the road who knows? My mom had a brother like that and I swore up and down that I wouldn't invite him when I got married. He passed away 2 years ago, so it's not an option, but I know my mom would've pushed me to invite him and said 'he won't come anyway.'

I know it's tough, but what about talking to your FMIL or parents about possibly kicking in a little bit of money to help cover those guests IF they decide to come? I know it's not ideal, but maybe they could help.

I agree with Jess! You said it perfect.

I'm inviting all of the family members, but I am telling FH mom that if she wants to start inviting her friends from the boat marina and stuff then she is going to have to pay for them because we have no room in our budget for them.

Its tough because but it costs too much to invite everyone and their family! People are going to have to understand that and hopefully not take offense.

i have the same situation. its my step dads brother and his 6 grown kids (my cousins) i dont want to add an extra 10 people and i know they wont come... he doesnt even talk to my dad

BUT my mom said its better to extend the olive branch and keep peace in the family and let them make the decision not to come so they look like the jerks and not you.

however, i dont want to waste the time and effort (or pretty invitation for that matter) on them. I havent talked to them in 10 years and really dont give a fluck about them.... uggh family suuuckss sometimes

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Posted by mattandjess2013

Honestly, we have a list of about 160 and after looking at it, can't find anyone to cut. BUT I DO know that at least 15 people on my side will not come. They live upstate and have never been to the 'big city' aka Long Island and sure don't want to travel here. I also have cousins in CT, CA, WA and MASS, that I doubt will be coming. So we lucked out that we can invite them to be polite (even though some I really do wish could come), but more likely than not will not have to pay for them.

IMO it could come across as rude if you were to invite all your FH's aunts and uncles except one. They may be semi-estranged now, but 10 years down the road who knows? My mom had a brother like that and I swore up and down that I wouldn't invite him when I got married. He passed away 2 years ago, so it's not an option, but I know my mom would've pushed me to invite him and said 'he won't come anyway.'

I know it's tough, but what about talking to your FMIL or parents about possibly kicking in a little bit of money to help cover those guests IF they decide to come? I know it's not ideal, but maybe they could help.

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THIS EXACTLY!

You guys are right... I know.

I wish there weren't so many rules :(