question about hyfanating your name....update.

misawa18 Posted: Apr 20, 2005 10:29 PM

question about hyfanating your name....update.

Did you Hyfanate (sp)
Did fh get mad?

My fh is really mad at me that I want to do that. He said that it is not traditional (he is the LEAST traditional person ever)...

He got really mean about it. If I feel so strongly about it he should respect that.

ugh

Goldi1021 Posted: Apr 20, 2005 10:41 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....

Posted by misawa18

Did you Hyfanate (sp)
Did fh get mad?

My fh is really mad at me that I want to do that. He said that it is not traditional (he is the LEAST traditional person ever)...

He got really mean about it. If I feel so strongly about it he should respect that.

ugh

hyphenate***

(Sorry, it was the teacher in me.)
I'll go away now.

As for hyphenation, it is your call. I personally wouldn't do it though I have been giving thought to adding my last name as a second middle name. This way I can use my name with and without FH's last name interchangeably and legally. I have many documents in regard to investments and bank accounts. I am also an officer (by name only) in my father's business as well as his power of attorney so keeping my name, (and adding FH's) in some respects, may be helpful.

WedHead Posted: Apr 20, 2005 10:43 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....

I'm not hyphenating my name (it would sound ridiculous and I like his last name!) BUT, I agree, he should respect your decision.

He shouldn't take it personal. Some women don't change their name at all, so he should appreciate the fact that you want to use his name at all.

misawa18 Posted: Apr 20, 2005 10:47 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....

I should have used spell check...haha....

One of our friends is totally against it. and I think that if Ant doesnt care if I do it...it makes him look week or something...IDK....but im really upset with him over this...

M

nsgraham Posted: Apr 20, 2005 11:02 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....

This is YOUR decision. His opinion is something to take into consideration, but it's YOUR name. Don't let him push you into something you don't want to do. I know women who changed their names for their husbands and although they're happily married, they still regret it and wished they had kept it in some way. If he can't respect your choice, then it's his problem. He needs to stand up for you if his friends tease him - it's not their business anyway. It'll blow over, it's not the end of the world for him. For you this is a LIFETIME decision, not something to be decided lightly. I'm a kinda hypenate - I plan on hypenating for legal things, using my name for most things, and his name for kids/social things.

misawa18 Posted: Apr 20, 2005 11:23 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....fh is nto talking ot me now

Now FH is not talking to me ...he is mad at me

WedHead Posted: Apr 20, 2005 11:44 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

Why? Just because it's not 'traditional'. I think he is being silly getting mad at you for this. Maybe it just threw him and he'll sleep on it and get over it.

Good luck!

ssdbk Posted: Apr 20, 2005 11:56 PM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

I am not changing my name at all!!! Not hyphenating!! I know that changing my name would be a great way to show my devotion but I've made myself and FH a promise to show it in a million other ways. FH is fine with my decision.

If you feel strongly about it, I think your FH will come around.

TracyInQueens Posted: Apr 21, 2005 07:53 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

Posted by nsgraham

I'm a kinda hypenate - I plan on hypenating for legal things, using my name for most things, and his name for kids/social things.

This is what I am doing too- I am using my maiden name at work, going to hyphenate on my driver's license, etc (still have not done any pppw ). Whenever people send us stuff it's always addressed 'Dr. and Mrs.' which I have no problem with. Ironically, my mother has had the biggest issue with the hyphenating thing. DH was expecting me to not change my name at all so he didn't care that I hyphenated.

jeanla4c Posted: Apr 21, 2005 08:15 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

WHat I am doing is not hyfanating but adding FH's last name to mine so I can use both or either when I want. Want to keep my maiden name for various reasons, one including professional. (also keeping my middle name since lots of my family members use it regularly with my first name)

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Apr 21, 2005 09:10 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

Because I have a son from a previous marriage, I hyphenated as not to have a totally different last name as him. I'm sure my DH would have PREFFERED that I got rid of my ex's last name, but he totally understood and was fine with it.
This is YOUR decision

xjulietx Posted: Apr 21, 2005 10:06 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

I hyphenated and although DH had a problem at first, he eventually relaxed. I told him if it was so important for us to have the same last name, he should take mine and see where an Italian last name could get him in life

Seriously, I believe that the older the bride or the more established in her career she is, the more she will want to hyphenate or keep her name. There is nothing wrong with it and a lot of other nationalities have women carrying multiple names, so why not?
It is part of your identity, and if it means a lot to you, go with your heart. A man who loves you will accept that by hyphenating, you are not rejecting him, but adding him to you.

dpli Posted: Apr 21, 2005 10:43 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

I didn't change my name at all and I did put a LOT of thought into it before the wedding. Before we got engaged we talked about it and DH was fine with it. After we got engaged, suddenly he wanted me to change my name, and I think it had a lot more to do with what other people would think about it, not necessarily that he was so against it. I asked him is he would be willing to change his name to MY last name and of course he said no. So I asked him why he couldn't understand why I wanted to keep mine. The deciding point for me was when we went to get the marriage license, the clerk asked me if I was changing my name, and I said no without thinking about it, so I went with my gut.

My DH knows I love him completely and although I think he still may have a slight problem with it, he respects me enough to let it go. Good luck - it is a tough decision.

july06bride Posted: Apr 21, 2005 10:48 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

I THINK I am hyphenatining
FH is totally fine with it... I think if i told him i want taking his name at all he would be hurt...
I am an only child and wanted my parents to not have their only child not have her name anymore. they will be honored although if i didnt they would be fine with it too

Maybe give your FH some time to think it over and maybe he will be ok with it...in the end it really is your decision

oneday Posted: Apr 21, 2005 11:01 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

I think it is totally unfair of your husband to be mad at you. Ask him how he would feel if you expected him to give up his name.
DH and I both hyphenated - that's right, he did it too. I'll admit, it's a little long (well, a lot long), but it meant a lot to me that he could understand that I didn't want to lose part of ME. (That was how I felt, not saying that everyone does or should feel this way). He gets a lot of flack from some of his friends - but, oh well. My original plan had been to keep just my name, but DH was a little sad about that - so I told him if he would hypenate too, I'd do it. So, he did. Now we both share the same last name, and although half of the people in our lives refuse to acknowlege it - it is OUR name and that makes me happy.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Apr 21, 2005 11:05 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

that's a really touchy subject and IMO, totally a personal choice.

My sis didn't take her hubby's name at all. and even though they're married for almost 5 yrs and he said he didn't mind, I know he does.

it's really a personal choice. do what your gut tells you.

Ldybug8 Posted: Apr 21, 2005 11:20 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

Posted by jeanla4c

WHat I am doing is not hyfanating but adding FH's last name to mine so I can use both or either when I want. Want to keep my maiden name for various reasons, one including professional. (also keeping my middle name since lots of my family members use it regularly with my first name)

I really like this idea. could you explain this to me? Is there going to be a space between the names? Do you just list both names on the marriage cert?

TIA

Noiva06 Posted: Apr 21, 2005 11:22 AM

Re: question about hyfanating your name....update.

Ok...I know my FI would have a big problem if I chose to hyphenate my name.... I have decided that I will use my maiden name as a middle name and his last name, which I know like this he will go along with it.....Now I also don't have major investments like others mentioned, which if I did it may have changed my decision...

Honestly, this is really your decision but for me, I know this would be something that would truly bother him, so I chose to compromise...