Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Danielle&Scott Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:32 AM

Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Here is the situation. I was really good friends with this guy Tom, for about 2 year. He was a member of my car club, and we used to hang out every weekend. 2 summers ago he worked for me during the summer in my car detailing business.

I havent seen him since August. Haven't spoken to him on the phone for a few months, and just basically im him every couple of weeks to see whats going on.

My question is, Do I invite him to the wedding? I don't see our friendship changing back to how it was. I am no longer in the car club, and I don't have him working for me anymore, he proved to be unreliable, and he wouldnt show up on days that I needed him.

Im confused, and I dont know what to do.
Thanks,
Scott

MSCJLK Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:38 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Do not invite him. Since you rarely speak to him and you are not arouind the same circles anymore.

Marcela1654 Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:39 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I agree. I wouldn't invite him. I cut a couple of people from our list that I don't speak to anymore and haven't spoken with in a while.

Donna Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:46 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I voted no. I think when's there is doubt about someone then it's a no. Also like you mentioned you don't see or speak to him often so I wouldn't.

nrvbrd Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:50 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I was in this very situation.

Weddings are really $$$$$ and you cannot invite EVERYONE.

I would say limit it to those who are near and dear to you and Danielle.

This guys does not seem like he makes the cut.

Xelindrya Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:50 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

See what happens when you leave the fold?
hehehehe

Hey put it this way.. we both know Matt through a 'Car Club' situtation. I have heard a word from the 'guys' since our last meet. I won't make Carlisle this year and probably won't get the info on the next meet either.

I won't invite them. I mean car geek I may be and I know them personally (jobs, personal life and such) but I personally don't feel they are close enough to me to ask to my wedding.

Then again I have empty seats.. so they could be considered my B list heh.

Good Luck!

ZoomZoom

july05bride Posted: Mar 02, 2004 09:53 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

My friend gave megood advice about this kind of situtation. Think -- if he got married, would you be offended if he did not invite you??? It usually works with people you are not sure about inviting. I am using it as my rule of thumb.

Danielle&Scott Posted: Mar 02, 2004 10:57 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Thanks everyone for voting....Anyone else want to vote??

Danielle has the same situation with one of her friends. She hasnt seen her in a long time and she has spoken to her maybe twice in the past year and a half.

I am leaning towards removing him from the list of invites. I think I am just going to invite close friends....I know I am going to offend people, but what can you do...Danielle and I are paying for the wedding ourselves....and we cannot afford to invite people so we don't upset them.

wc0143 Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:13 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I actually did invite someone in the same situation We became friends from work & I helped her address her wedding invites (I was invited to hers). Now I never speak to her (and even didn't call her back when she called me - I'm bad).

But while I was doing my envelopes, it reminded me of when we did hers. I figured if she didn't want to come, she wouldn't but they responded yes and I look forward r seeing her.

I know, not exactly the same but ...

If it's a $$ thing, then I'd say no.

dkwife Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:15 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I say don't invite him...

sweetadeline Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:20 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

You're definitely not obligated to invite him, but you should if you WANT to (if you wanted to see him, rekindle the friendship, whatever). But if you're looking to remove some folks from your guest list, he could definitely be removed!

xjulietx Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:25 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Personally, if you haven't felt the urge to see him, you won't miss him at your wedding. Don't bother unless you need to make a min.

Danielle&Scott Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:26 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Yeah I dont really care about rekindling the friendship...He is very unreliable, and he lies alot...Deep down inside im sure he is a good person....

He is just like Joey from Friends. Looks like him and has the same exact personality. Sometimes he does things that Joey from friends does....Wierds me out.

He has a pattern that he follows. He was good friends with this one guy for a while, and then he became friends with me, then he started hanging out with another friend and I stopped hearing from him....then he did the same to that guy and two other guys after him. He now has a girlfriend that lives out of state...and nobody sees him.
He is younger too...I think he is 24 now, im 32. We were basically just friends from the car club that we both belonged too. He still owns his car, and still belongs to the club. I am just a moderator on the clubs website.

butterfly20 Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:43 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

i agree, dont invite him..

FeliciaDA Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:49 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I do not think I would invite him ..

FH also belongs to a few car clubs online (moderates one) and he has made a lot of good friends on there.. but he decided not to invite them (except for one close friend), b/c the only time he actually SEES them is at GTGs once or twice a year.

I told him the decision was his, but he feels much the same way as you do .. that he has no real inclination to get together with these guys on any other occasion, so why make it a point of inviting them to our wedding.

tourist Posted: Mar 02, 2004 12:59 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

no, even if you im him occasionally, you don't have to invite him. youdon't have to invite EVERYONE you speak to.

I have a similar problem, there are friends of mine from college I don't keep in touch with, but my other friends do, so I see them at group gahterigns a few times a year. Its's like old times when we do see each other, but one in particular, in Boston, I 'm not even sure he know we are engaged.

If he weren't part of the group, I wouldn't invite him, but since he might hear about it form other friends, and we are trying to make sure we reach our minimum, I probably will.

Danielle&Scott Posted: Mar 02, 2004 05:53 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Im leaning towards not inviting him...I guess I will see what happens when we actually go to send out the invitations.

AtticaQT Posted: Mar 02, 2004 05:57 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I wouldnt invite him - at first i was thinking to myself that you should invite him - and then i read that he wasnt realiable when he was working for you - i think that just clinches on the whole issue - being casual with someone isnt deserving of being invited to a wedding- its a friend - it seems that you and the guy arent at that point anymore

LoriH Posted: Mar 02, 2004 06:02 PM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

I wasn't sure how to vote until I read this line

' I don't have him working for me anymore, he proved to be unreliable, and he wouldnt show up on days that I needed him.'

That is definitely not a good friend, worthy of a wedding invite.

Neeedless to say I voted No

Danielle&Scott Posted: Mar 03, 2004 08:34 AM

Re: Question about inviting someone or not inviting them...

Thanks everyone...I am going to review the invitation list that I wrote up this evening. I cannot believe that the wedding is 5 months away...It is coming so fast.
Scott