question about not asking a bm

So... some history.

1 of my good friends got married 2 years ago. She had myself and two other of my friends as part of her bridal party.

Now, one of them is getting married this summer and is having the above previous bride, myself, and another girl from above in her bridal party.

My turn. I am having the above two past brides in my bridal party but not that other 3rd girl. I feel like she thinks she is in the party and i feel bad telling her she isn't. When we were ordering bridal party shirts and had a problem with them she said, 'well.. at least we know what not to do when it's your turn' and, 'We dont want you to feel left out because we are only talking about (above bride)'s wedding right now.' (which i dont but it was nice of her to say regardless).

I'm not asking my bridal party until September because a lot of the same people are in the upcoming summer wedding and i dont want them to feel like they have to do anything for FH and i right now. But how do i break it to her that i am not including her in my bridal party?? I am having 2 childhood friends, the above 2 brides, my sister and FH's sister. I do not want another BM and if i did there are people i would still choose ahead of her. I cant have her do a reading cuz i'm having 2 family members on my side do it and FH will choose one from his side. I can't have her do little things like hand out the programs or flowers at the end cuz i'm having kids in my fam do that. I feel bad cuz i dont know how to tell her.

My thoughts are all over the place in this post lol.. i know.

Thoughts?

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Posted by christine2010

this is a really difficult situation. i think maybe you should have a personal one-on-one conversation with her so she doesn't just assume. i think the best thing to do in a situation like this is to be honest with her

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I agree I'm sorry I'm not able to think of anything at the moment but I will keep this in the back of my mind if a special job of some sort comes up that maybe she can do to make her feel better.

i kno u said she is not in the state. does she live far? can you try to use that as an excuse.

or what if you tell her, that she is not a BM cuz you wanted to keep the #s equal w boys and girls (is this true???!!!), so you are sorry...but SHE IS DEF invited to bach party.

honestly, it sounds like a pretty sweet deal. she doesnt need to buy another dress and she can party with you guys. lol. sounds good to me! hahah

but seriously, good luck!

I fell into a situation like this.... I wasn't having a friend of mine who I have known since nursery school, but we drift in and out of eachother lives. Not for any bad reason we just are busy and it happends.

Honeslty I didn't do anything. Mean to say but she got the point. Then when it came up a drunken night I was just honest with her. That the girls I chose I talk to nearly everyday. I told her I wanted her to be a reader but I was getting sh!t from faily members that there weren't enough family members involved. She said she was a little upset but understood. I asked her to be my go-to person for that morning... I asked her to come to my house be there incase something should go wrong, help the girls get dressed and still be as involved as she wants to be.

She was grateful and said of course she would do it, she even said she would go dress shopping with me, and etc. (I didn't ask her though I was afraid I would feel weird)....

Anyway back to you, maybe ask her to play that role. Remember you can't make everyone happy and it is a hard decsion to make. If she doesn't understand than you shouldn't have had her anyway. Trust me the guilt is killing me since my friend is still being so nice about it.

GL