question about parties...in comparison to weddings

So, I'm planning this shindig for DH's BDAY. My MIL has these GREAT ideas, but my mom likes to remind me from time to time that this is not a wedding. (okay, so, then I'll cancel the video package- J/K!!! )

Anywho, we just want to a MEGA ELABORATE graduation party- it was seriously nicer than many of the weddings I've been to- they even had photo, video, a florist- the works!

As a guest, wouldn't you appreciate the 'nicer things'? Or, would you think it was out of control and too 'flashy'?

Just wondering because some of the people who had a GREAT time at that grad party are the same people who are saying 'don't overdo it' with DH's BDAY party...

I honestly do think it depends upon what the party is for.

JMO but I think weddings are weddings... hopefully, once in a lifetime and they should be the grandest in comparison to all other parties.

Personally, I think most other parties are starting to get a bit out of control. The night we picked out our menu at the Watermill there was a 16 year old girl having a black tie Sweet 16 with over 250 guest and all of the works of a wedding. Her sweet 16 was more elaborate than a lot of weddings I've attended. So how is she going to top that for her wedding? My sweet 16 was down in my Dad's basement, some mix tapes, all of the John Hughes movies and we were happy.

When it comes to kids graduations (ummmm, aren't you suppose to graduate from high school), birthday parties (uh, the kid is 1 and they are having it at a hall, with a photographer ), etc. it's a bit much. Unless it's a 100 birthday or someone lived through a horrific event...

The only exception that I have experienced... FH has a cousin who graduated from Sachem last weekend. He is the longest surviving double lung transplant patient in American history, you may have seen him on the cover of Newsday. He literally made medical history years ago and is still struggling with major medical problems. All of the local networks covered his struggle for years and the family has befriended many reporters, doctors, nurses and celebrities. He spent many years of his early childhood having dozens of operations and living in the hospital. the family even had to relocate to St. Louis forover a year for both procedures. He will never be out of the woods. Due to the hundreds of thousands of dollars the family had to pay in medical costs hundreds of people and celebrities gave their time and money. They have no money, don't own their home (Grandfather had to buy it for them) and the other kids are on their own for college. That kid, Landon, (and his family) deserve a party with all the trimmings as most of the medical community thought he would have died years ago.

Nothing wrong with having a party for life's milestones but I think as a society we are losing our prespective a bit. Not every occassion has to be so elaborate and people trying to out-do one another. It's the memories of friends and family that should be the most important.

I think many parties are being way blown up. What happened to backyard bbqs?
My parents recently went to a Sweet 15 where the girl basically had a bridal party and they all showed up on a boat!?!??!?!
I personally find this ridiculous. I know you want your DH's b-day party to be great, but don't overdo it.
And to answer your question, if I was a guest at a very elaborate b-day party I would think it was a bit much and would probably have the 'who are they trying to impress' attitude.

I agree parties are becoming very overdone- even if it is at a hall- for convience purposes...or just for the catering feel.. Why is it necessary to have a photographer and videographer...thats what digi cams and camcorders are for...

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Posted by july06bride

I agree parties are becoming very overdone- even if it is at a hall- for convience purposes...or just for the catering feel.. Why is it necessary to have a photographer and videographer...thats what digi cams and camcorders are for...

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I was totally kidding about the video for DH's party! But, at the grad party, they had the photog and the video and we all agreed that was nuts.

But, what about nice flowers for centerpieces? formal attire (but NOT black tie)? cute favors? Would that stuff be 'too flashy'?

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Posted by italgrkwedding

I actually feel the opposite.....if you want to throw a big shindig, why not? You only live once! If everyone has a great time and you come away with great memories, then there's nothing wrong with that. If you're the one paying for it, you really should not care what others think. If they don't like the style of your party, then they don't have to come. A celebration never hurt anyone. Have fun with it!!!!!

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I AGREE 110%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by suven

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Posted by july06bride

I agree parties are becoming very overdone- even if it is at a hall- for convience purposes...or just for the catering feel.. Why is it necessary to have a photographer and videographer...thats what digi cams and camcorders are for...

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I was totally kidding about the video for DH's party! But, at the grad party, they had the photog and the video and we all agreed that was nuts.

But, what about nice flowers for centerpieces? formal attire (but NOT black tie)? cute favors? Would that stuff be 'too flashy'?

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nah that sounds perfect!

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Posted by july06bride

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Posted by suven

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Posted by july06bride

I agree parties are becoming very overdone- even if it is at a hall- for convience purposes...or just for the catering feel.. Why is it necessary to have a photographer and videographer...thats what digi cams and camcorders are for...

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I was totally kidding about the video for DH's party! But, at the grad party, they had the photog and the video and we all agreed that was nuts.

But, what about nice flowers for centerpieces? formal attire (but NOT black tie)? cute favors? Would that stuff be 'too flashy'?

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nah that sounds perfect!

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Flowers are fine for CP's. You should try to incorporate things DH likes for the favors and Decorations.

I threw my Dad a surprise 60th bday last year. I did flowers and favors and had this whole nautical theme which everyone thought was awesome, BUT the one thing I still receive compliments in was the speech I gave about my Dad when they brought out the cake. To me, its all about emotion.

I have been to weddings where the food stinks and the service is horrible, but they have been the best weddings I ever attended simply because you could feel how in love the couple was.

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Posted by D&C

I threw my Dad a surprise 60th bday last year. I did flowers and favors and had this whole nautical theme which everyone thought was awesome, BUT the one thing I still receive compliments in was the speech I gave about my Dad when they brought out the cake. To me, its all about emotion.

I have been to weddings where the food stinks and the service is horrible, but they have been the best weddings I ever attended simply because you could feel how in love the couple was.

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Well said!!!

You know, last summer I went to a confirmation party that was like a wedding. DJ and dancing, lots of food, etc. They even had favors. It was really nice, but it was a little elaborate. I totally enjoyed going, but I probably woulnd't do anything that elaborate myself for a confirmation. But, it was their only child and they wanted a big party. So they did it up, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just like I wouldn't want to spend $80,000 on flowers for MY wedding, I sure as hell wouldn't mind being a guest there! So as long as you want to do it, go for it!

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Posted by mrswask

TO be honest, I would not want to wear 'formal attire' to a birthday party. I don't get it...

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I have to say that I agree. We as woman like dressing up, but most of the guys I know do not. It's just an added inconvenience. I know that's how DH would look at it.
Next year will be DH's 30th and I plan on having a party at a restaurant (for convenience sake) but it will be fairly casual with a poker theme. I expect people to show up wearing jeans or summer dresses- nothing too fancy.

It really depends how you go about it. If you want to make it formal, that's fine, but formal shoudl be classy, not flashy.

No ice sculptures & light shows. . .

I went ot a fancy med school graduation party & at first I thoguht it was a little ubsurd b/c
A)we were invited & DH hadn't seen this fried in years but their parents are close

B) a graduation party in a castle didnt' see neccessary

But we went & it was actually really nice.
They went all out with the cake & left it on display--it was asl decorated with a stethoscope & stuff. I don't think they had a dj or band, I think there was recorded music played in the background.

I don't recall if there were centerpieces, but they didn't have favors.

It turned out to be a ncie party. Maybe 50 people or so, the food was excellent & I got to go the the Castle on the Hudson So, I don't think it was too much, they were really proud of their son's accomplishment, so they wanted to do something special.

On the other hand, I have been to sweet 16's with Dais & a Vienese & what not & that is a little crazy. I am going to one in October at a Raddison. . .I am curious as to how crazy they will go

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Posted by mrswask

TO be honest, I would not want to wear 'formal attire' to a birthday party. I don't get it...

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it's at a reception hall.

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Posted by nferrandi

. I expect people to show up wearing jeans or summer dresses- nothing too fancy.

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I read that too fast! I thought you wrote--I expect people to show up wearing nothing!

As for attire, Sue, if you are already having at a a hall, I think most people will dress at least, semi-formal.My family has had 50th anniversary parties like this & I think they are fun.

(But then I agian, I would love I live in a Soap Opera world wher ethey are always having functions, except that would probably also mean that I would find out my husband slept with the twin sister I never knew I had)

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Posted by mrswask

TO be honest, I would not want to wear 'formal attire' to a birthday party. I don't get it...

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I agree...on the other side..who cares what anyone thinks about the party,as long as they come and have a good time.

As a guest, I appreciate the work that goes into elaborate parties no matter what the occassion. Flashy is more of a style thing for me rather than a cost thing. If someone can afford to have a great party with lots of extras and Im lucky to get invited, Im all about enjoying it. As far as Im concerned, people dont celebrate enough...its not fair we only get one wedding