Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

greenfreak Posted: May 11, 2006 01:28 PM

Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

How many people who declined sent you a gift from your registry or a check in the mail?

My FH's friend who lives out of state can't come because his wife is due right around the same time. But he insisted on knowing the registry information to send us something.

I thought that was really nice of him, and completely unnecessary! I wouldn't expect that from anyone.

Then we got home and there was an envelope addressed to us. It was a close family friend (I am named after her) who lives out of state also. I had gotten her response last week that she couldn't make it and a nice note about how she's sorry she can't be there.

Inside the card was a check for $100.00!

I was floored. I haven't seen her in years and really would have liked her to be there instead. She's the kind of woman you are proud to be friends with, much less be named for.

I sent her an email falling all over myself, thanking her. I'm also sending her a formal thank you card tonight when I get home.

I just was wondering if this is normal etiquette? Expected, in some cases? Or is it just extreme generosity on their part?

hocus Posted: May 11, 2006 01:29 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

I would say about 10% of the no-responses sent something. I didn't expect it but it was really nice.

Danigrl28 Posted: May 11, 2006 01:43 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

I would say a little more then half of the people who said no sent something. I wrote them an informal thank you and then sent them a formal one.

MayBride06 Posted: May 11, 2006 01:44 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

We just got a $200 check in the mail today from someone who is not coming. Very thoughful!!

MJDoc12 Posted: May 11, 2006 01:46 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

i think it used to be normal etiquette -- and then kind of stopped for awhile. but people with good manners will always do the nice thing. myself personally, i do the same thing. if i can't attend--i make sure to send a gift! of course i don't expect everyone to do this--everyone is raised differently. that's just the way my mom raised me.

CLMon7906 Posted: May 11, 2006 01:47 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

so far, one couple not coming sent something...but we have 2 more months...i don't know if anyone else will send anything if they aren't coming though.

leese Posted: May 11, 2006 01:51 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

I received many presents prior to the wedding for those who couldn't attend and after the wedding we've received a few more.

There are others not even invited who have sent along a present too...which is nice.

laural2979 Posted: May 11, 2006 02:20 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

I always send a gift even if I can't attend. It normally won't be as much as if I would have given if I were there though.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: May 11, 2006 02:23 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

We got 2. Out of a total of about 40 no RSVPs. They weren't exactly generous either. The rest just said 'no' didn't even write a note explaining why they weren't coming. Am I bitter about it.... no of course not.

mrsh2b Posted: May 11, 2006 02:40 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

Posted by laural2979

I always send a gift even if I can't attend. It normally won't be as much as if I would have given if I were there though.

Me too!

HearzBellz Posted: May 11, 2006 02:41 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

almost of of the people that were family or close friends sent a gift, even if they could not come.

blueyes678 Posted: May 11, 2006 02:43 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

Posted by hocus

I would say about 10% of the no-responses sent something. I didn't expect it but it was really nice.

Same with us so far....

greenfreak Posted: May 11, 2006 02:46 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

The rest just said 'no' didn't even write a note explaining why they weren't coming.

I always wrote notes on all my responses for other people's weddings and it's such a nice surprise to see it. Many people did that on ours too.

I felt kind of embarrassed that I never thought to send a check or present in the past and then I remembered...... I have gone to EVERY wedding I've been invited to. And with my family, that's a heck of a lot of weddings!

Sheesh. Thank God I'm one of the last unmarried cousins.

Goldi1021 Posted: May 11, 2006 02:47 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

I dont know the percentage of non-attending gift givers but it was more often than not that they gave registry gifts. I for one have never declined a wedding invitation without giving a gift. I ALWAYS give a gift.

SeptBride70 Posted: May 11, 2006 02:50 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

Posted by Goldi1021

I dont know the percentage of non-attending gift givers but it was more often than not that they gave registry gifts. I for one have never declined a wedding invitation without giving a gift. I ALWAYS give a gift.

yes me too, i could NEVER not give a gift to anything i was invited to but couldn't make.

ChrissynRicky Posted: May 11, 2006 02:51 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

25% of our No-responses gave us checks (at least) $100....

jellybean1420 Posted: May 11, 2006 04:14 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

I think it is proper etiquette to give a small gift if you do not attend a wedding. So far out of the 90+ No's we have gotten, we only got one check for $100 from a friend. I guess not everyone knows the 'rules'!!!! Besides the lame excuses for not coming, some didnt even bother to put an excuse which I think is even more rude.

babybug631 Posted: May 11, 2006 05:07 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

It's pretty customary to send a gift even if you can't make it to the wedding. Of course, they wouldn't give as much as they would if they came. But that's pretty normal.

waterspout4 Posted: May 11, 2006 05:35 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

Posted by hocus

I would say about 10% of the no-responses sent something. I didn't expect it but it was really nice.

Same with me.

I had a friend ask me registry info because he really wanted to send something. Got nothing.

suven Posted: May 11, 2006 05:38 PM

Re: Question about the people NOT coming to your wedding

Etiquette says that if someone is not attending, they don't have to give a gift.

almost half of our wedding gifts came from people who did not attend the wedding.