Question for the Jewish ladies..

ambersmom Posted: Mar 16, 2006 04:29 PM

Question for the Jewish ladies..

My brother is getting engaged very, very soon to a Jewish girl. She has literally no immediate family (mom/dad/grandmother passed, brother MIA) and I definitely want to do something for them (this is her 2nd marriage - 1st one was a LONG time ago, his 1st) like a shower, etc. Is there anything I need to be aware of...I know there is some sort of rule against baby showers before the baby is born, etc. Does the same thing apply to bridal type events?

Sorry if I sound so ignorant, I didn't have many Jewish friends growing up and we're not very up on religious customs and traditions. I want her to feel involved and welcomed since I feel like she's marrying into an all christian family and may feel like she's losing her identity/traditions. I've even thought of putting up a Menorah at holiday celebrations so that she's 'represented' but hubby thought she might be insulted. I'm so not in the know about this.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

glinda_goodwitch Posted: Mar 16, 2006 04:34 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

I was brought up Jewish, but now I'm really agnostic. But my mom is having a shower for me next month. I think it's a nice gesture. I don't think the jewish religion has anything against a bridal shower, like the baby shower. But we even had a baby shower for my cousin, so it's not always something that is followed. I think it depends on the family.

FallBride05 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 04:37 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

A Bridal Shower is absolutely okay!! I had one, my sister had one..

You are right, in the Jewish religion, you are not allowed to have a baby shower. It is considered to be bad luck. (Even bad luck to bring baby items into the house until the baby is born).

PrincessRose Posted: Mar 16, 2006 04:39 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

I think it's lovely that you want to involve her and make her feel welcome.

Jewish brides can and do have wedding showers. I had all the same events non-Jewish girls have, except the e-party, but that was a personal decision not based at all on religion. Oh wait, and also, Jews don't do Rehearsal dinners, but she'd be planning that with your mom anyway if she wants one.

Anyway, I wouldn't put up a menorah without consulting with her first. If you are really interested in including her, talk to her about it first. Having a menorah up is not just about having one around, there's a candle lighting ritual that goes with it. And that only applies to one holiday - Chanukah, which is so very unimportant as Jewish Holidays go.

My suggestion is that you talk to her about what she does in terms of Judaism, which rituals she observes, how it fits into her life. I can tell you what I'd like were I in her position, but that may not be what she likes. You said you weren't 'up on' Jewish traditions, so you can chalk it up to a learning experience!

stephanielyse Posted: Mar 16, 2006 04:39 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

Bridal showers are fine. If you want to throw her one, it's a wonderful gesture and I'm sure she'll be thrilled.
I also think it's nice to put up a menorah at the holidays if that's something you want to do. I think it will make her feel included, I know I'd like it.

HTH

lrs2005 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 04:47 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

I think she is very lucky to have a FSIL like you. Perhaps you might want to read the new jewish wedding by Ana Diamont. It might help you and your family understand some jewish wedding customs - if they are having them in their wedding. Jewish brides can and do have bridal showers all the time. Good luck and congrats to your brother.

ambersmom Posted: Mar 16, 2006 05:11 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

Thank you very much for the responses.

She is very open when it comes to discussing religion and stuff but I didn't want to ask her outright about the shower thing. We actually joked about the fact that she stood in as a proxy at my daughter's christening for my sister. She said she was worried that lightening would strike her because she was standing at the alter of the church (no disrespect to anyone with any religious beliefs). I thought it was very cool that she would do that for me, and I would do anything for her. She's such an amazing person and I was getting super pissed at my brother for making her wait this long. The bling better be good!

Thank you again and thanks for the book suggestion - I'm definitely going to look into it!

Blu-ize Posted: Mar 16, 2006 05:14 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

Congrats to your bro..and your future SIL. You are a great SIL.

Squirt1698 Posted: Mar 16, 2006 05:54 PM

Re: Question for the Jewish ladies..

I think you are a wonderful SIL to want to be so involved in her culture. I wish my inlaws were that interested in my jewish background.
My MOH and mother gave me a bridal shower which was Jack and Jill at our request.
Baby Showers are a big no no...but in my inlaw family they turn into a mini wedding....I don't know how we are gonna handle that conflict when it arises!
I like and agree with what the other fellow Jewish American Princesses have suggested and I think your best bet is to discuss it with her first.
One thing that she might really like is if you suggest buying her a Mezuza for their new home.
It is a small 'mini torah' that goes on the doorway to thier home. It is supposed to have a paper representing the torah inside and when family come in they touch it to wish all good luck in the house. My hubby and I picked ours together but maybe she would like you to pick one out for her.
Good luck