Question for the parents ( or anyone really)

I don't think you were wrong, but in situations like this I would kinda follow the parents lead. It would bother me too but unfortunately that's not our call. I mean, my neice is 4 and she knows to close the door, regardless of who's home or where she is. Sometimes she needs help getting her pants down or back up, but then she calls for help; it's not a public thing.

At what age are they going to decide that she needs to start closing the door?? At some point she's going to do this in school or something and get embarassed when she realizes that it's not normal.

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Posted by cindyandkevin

I don't think you were wrong, but in situations like this I would kinda follow the parents lead. It would bother me too but unfortunately that's not our call. I mean, my neice is 4 and she knows to close the door, regardless of who's home or where she is. Sometimes she needs help getting her pants down or back up, but then she calls for help; it's not a public thing.

At what age are they going to decide that she needs to start closing the door?? At some point she's going to do this in school or something and get embarassed when she realizes that it's not normal.

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ITA.

thank you ladies
i was raised in a very strict environment so sometimes i don't know what is 'normal'

No, I don't think you are Wrong at all!

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Posted by ant n tilde

thank you ladies
i was raised in a very strict environment so sometimes i don't know what is 'normal'

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ha ha.

I feel that way a lot.

BUT, at 5, close the door. especially since 5 is school age...you need to make sure you kids have learned what is proper before shipping them off to school.

I can see maybe if it were just you guys, but anything beyond immediate family is just NO. it's just NO.

In my line of work, we try and teach parents that it is NEVER too early to teach about private events and keeping certain acts private. Going to the bathroom and being naked are some of those events that are only done with the door closed, in the presence of mom/dad/trusted family member, plain and simple.

Its ok to communicate there is nothing to be ashamed of, but this is just what we do when....

Like - when you are in the car, you always sit and wear a seatbelt.

Okay… this is going to be a WEIRD and kind of bi-polar answer – so bear with me.

I think a five year old is probably old enough to want her own privacy when it comes to her body. I would probably raise my eyebrow a bit if I noticed a child of that age peeing with the door open for the world to see. BUT...

Being a parent is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I am trying desperately to raise these boys to be good, solid men. I am trying to teach them to make good choices and to be as emotionally free of hang ups as possible. I also want them to be independent and to be able to trust themselves. At the same time I have to keep them safe and make sure that they understand how dangerous the world is – without scaring the bejeezus out of them. Talk about tricky, right? Now on top of that – I get to listen to everyone else and their brother tell me what is best for my kids and what their opinion is about everything from breastfeeding to circumcision and back again. Now – I am not saying you are WRONG for feeling the way you do about this little girl taking a tinkle in near public – BUT if her parents have determined that this is acceptable behavior and they have told her it is acceptable – you shouldn’t be telling her otherwise. It can confuse and upset her. And it can really make a parent very upset to see you trying to deliver a message to their child that they apparently do not want delivered.

Having said that… I understand why you think it is inappropriate. The world is full of creeps and someone may not see her as a ‘baby’. I would like to believe that her parents are also aware of that fact and that they have told her about strangers and about revealing herself in front of people she doesn’t know. My sons both know that they have parts that are their own and that nobody is to touch them or see them. Robbie is very private and doesn’t even like me to be outside the door when he pees. Noah – the 3 year old – will occasionally whip his pants down and shake his butt at people when I am having a party because he thinks it is funny. BUT when I took him to the doctor the other day, he told the doctor that nobody was allowed to see his penis and refused to let him do an exam until I gave him the okay. So I know the message is getting through – although to a few friends it might not seem evident.

ETA: The obvious exception to allowing parents to be your guide is when child abuse or neglect is involved. In that case I would call the authorities ASAP.

You aren't crazy!

Your strict parents raised a WONDERFUL daughter who really and truly cares about people and it is obvious that your concern was for the little girls welfare.

I didn't mean to imply that you were being intrusive at all. When I talk about people who are constantly critiquing or putting their nose in where it isn't wanted - I am talking about exactly that - people who literally tell me how I should be raising my kids without any thought. Closing the door was a reaction. If you confronted her parents and told them that they were bad parents or that they should teach their kid some humility... well that might be crossing the line a bit in my opinion. But you didn't do that. You were shocked.

I'd probably be a little shocked too!

ummmm....my daughter is 5. she has closed the door for years. she certainly wouldn't do any of those things with guests over. by 5 most girls have developed that 'don't look at me' mentality, especially with males. [my daughter now makes DH close his eyes if she needs help taking off her shirt for bed if I'm not around to help. no one told her to do this, she figured out on her own to be discreet.]

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Posted by CLMon7906

ummmm....my daughter is 5. she has closed the door for years. she certainly wouldn't do any of those things with guests over. by 5 most girls have developed that 'don't look at me' mentality, especially with males. [my daughter now makes DH close his eyes if she needs help taking off her shirt for bed if I'm not around to help. no one told her to do this, she figured out on her own to be discreet.]

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thank you - my niece ( my sister's daughter) is the same way . . . she screams PRIVACY if someone accidentally walks in on her lol

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by rojerono
When I talk about people who are constantly critiquing or putting their nose in where it isn't wanted - I am talking about exactly that - people who literally tell me how I should be raising my kids without any thought. Closing the door was a reaction. If you confronted her parents and told them that they were bad parents or that they should teach their kid some humility... well that might be crossing the line a bit in my opinion. But you didn't do that. You were shocked.

I'd probably be a little shocked too!

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um just so i am prepared - do people REALLY say that to you about raising your kids??

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YES. People do. Usually rude people. But it happens nonetheless. Give you an example:

My sons had Mohawks at the end of the summer. They wanted them because their cousin (my nephew) had one. I didn't see a danger in letting them choose their own haircut - so I gave them each one. You would not believe the amount of people who went nuts over a HAIRCUT! I was told they looked like Freaks and/or white trash. I was warned that CPS might be called because it looked like they were being raised by incoherant druggies. Someone asked me if I was planning on letting them get tattoos and piercings . Someone else (FH's father) told me that if I let them choose their own hair then I may as well give them the keys to the house and let them run the show altogether. I was amazed at the vitriol some people spewed! The funny part was - they only wanted the Mohawks for a total of a month or so. They were gone by picture day because - like all fads - they grew bored with it.

But yeah... get ready for it - when you have children EVERYTHING you do is up for discussion and debate. ESPECIALLY by 'senior' mothers. And by senior I mean a chick who had her baby 6 months befor you did.
'You are STILL breastfeeding?'
'You STOPPED breastfeeding already?'
'Natural diapers are NASTY! I can't believe you are using them!'
'WHY did you change from cloth diapers!'
'He shouldn't be eating food yet!'
'He should be eating MORE food!'

But you learn to ignore them and do what feels right for you and your kid. That's the key!