I just had to post this.... My FH and I went to these two FOCUS meetings that is required for our church before Pre-Cana begins. We had to complete a LONG questionaire and come back to talk about the results and how our answers compared to each others. I thought it was going to be so fun but I honestly felt so uncomfortable! There were questions like:
Will you feel uncomfortable being naked in front of your spouse? Are you afraid of what your spouse may ask you to do sexually? Do you have homosexual feelings? Would you stay with your spouse if they cheated on you?
Did anyone else have to take a test like this?
kris15198
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Re: WOW - FOCUS meetings & Questions Before Pre-Cana!
Oh my gosh, I have to take the classes also. Now I'll have a heads up.
steflily
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Re: WOW - FOCUS meetings & Questions Before Pre-Cana!
We did it but haven't received the results yet. The questionaire was fun and we actually talked alot about it afterward. It will be really interesting to see what it says.
DjPiLL
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Re: WOW - FOCUS meetings & Questions Before Pre-Cana!
Thats nuts!
Bride2Be06
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Re: WOW - FOCUS meetings & Questions Before Pre-Cana!
It is interesting...but I guess that I just felt so uncomfortable talking about these issues with strangers!
nickipa
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Re: WOW - FOCUS meetings & Questions Before Pre-Cana!
we did the FOCUS questionaire...now we are waiting for it to be 'scored' and then we have to go to a couples house to discuss the results...on the way home my FH was joking that he answered yes to some of the questions, like that you feel uncomfortable being naked in front of your partner....i really hope he is joking, or we are going to be at this couples house alllll night trying to explain!!! overall it wasn't that bad though....i think its good that there is something in place to help couples get ready for marriage!
1005bride
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Re: WOW - FOCUS meetings & Questions Before Pre-Cana!
Yes, we took the FOCUS test and it was actually kind of funny for us. Some of the questions had double negatives and FH answered the worst possible questions 'incorrectly' because we took it early on a Saturday morning. The priest had some odd looks on his face when we got back our test results...I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable, FH or the priest.
I know what you mean though. I felt very weird answering some of those questions in the church that I grew up in.
Dooles
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
sheesh. glad that wasn't part of our pre-cana!
DrBeLLaRoSe
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
we have not started that yet, but we had some preliminary questions the first time we went to see our priest. he separated us and asked stuff like, are you impotent? are you homosexual? does anyone in your family not want you to get married? do you gamble.
i thought it was kinda funny, but it felt weird having to lie about some of the stuff... i told the priest that my fh gambles, i mean when we go to ac he loses 700 bucks and then cries like a little baby for the rest of the trip...but when my fh was asked, he said it was not 'excessive gambling' so the priest said it was ok
my fh thought it was weird getting asked those questions but then i explained to him that it was just to make sure there are no reasons you would get an annullment.
prinses777
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
I know this is most likely a stupid question... But what exactly is Pre- Cana needed for???
Is it just to get married in a church???
Do you still have to go through Pre-cana... if you are not doing a full mass with communion?
Please let me know... I am interested... Thanks Girls!
BRIDEMICHELE
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
Posted by 1005bride
Yes, we took the FOCUS test and it was actually kind of funny for us. Some of the questions had double negatives and FH answered the worst possible questions 'incorrectly' because we took it early on a Saturday morning. The priest had some odd looks on his face when we got back our test results...I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable, FH or the priest.
I know what you mean though. I felt very weird answering some of those questions in the church that I grew up in.
We have to take the FOCUS test too but we don't have a date yet. I'm kind of looking forward to it. Thanks for the heads up on the double negative questions.
dpli
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
Posted by prinses777
I know this is most likely a stupid question... But what exactly is Pre- Cana needed for???
Is it just to get married in a church???
Do you still have to go through Pre-cana... if you are not doing a full mass with communion?
Please let me know... I am interested... Thanks Girls!
If you want to get married in a Catholic Church, whether it is a mass or a ceremony, your are required to do Pre-cana before. It is a marraige preparation process run by the church.
If it helps, my DH said he was more uncomfotable with FOCUS than he ws with Pre-Cana. I think because FOCUS was just with another couple, who were asking somewhat direct questions about our answers to the test. DH is also not catholic, so I think some of the questions differed from his beliefs and I am not sure the couple really understood that. Some of our answers were not the ones they want you to have just because the questions were outdated or didn't really apply to us. For example: They ask if you have decided how you will set up all of your bank accounts. We discussed it, but didn't have a concrete plan at that point, but we are older (I am 37, DH is older) have no debt, good jobs and money in the bank. We knew from many conversations that this would not be a problem for us, but we didn't really figure out what would work best for us until we were marreid for a few months.
We did the one day Pre-Cana and I think there were 10 other couples there, so you weren't really on the 'Hot seat' unless you volunteered a lot.
KarAnthony
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
Oh my!!! I just read this info. re: focus group to my FI b/c it is an 'option' for us and he said he think it would be good b/c we could work out any difficulties..when I read the responses he was like 'I never said I wanted to do that'!!!
Are you impotent?!! Was that a real quest. OMG!! That is hysterical!!
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
We took the test, but luckily we were told we could go over our results with someone if we wanted to, but we did not have to do that. I definitely would be embarrassed if we had to go over it...especially since our pre-cana people were all like 90 with 8 kids each! (that rhythm method really prevents pregnancy!)
prinses777
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
So what is FOCUS???
Its different the Pre-cana??? Or you have to do both.
I thought Pre-cana was just classes you needed to take...
dpli
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
I really didn't think it was bad. With Focus, they ask you a ton of mulitple choice questions, which we took in a room with a bunch of other couples. We turned it in, and left. Then, it gets 'scored' by a couple whe helps out with Focus & Pre-Cana and they call and set up a time when you can go over it. Some of the questions are very personal and some are sort of out there, but you kind of know how you are 'supposed' to answer. And I have to say (and my DH, who didn't like the FOCUS process agrees) that simply taking the test did bring up some topics that we hadn't really gotten into a lot of detail with when we discussed them. so afterwards, we did talk about many of those things, and that is the whole point
Our parish required Focus first, then you had to meet with the married couple, and then you did Pre-cana. the requirements vary from parish to parish.
darlene
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
We didn't have any of these questions. We did have a brief interview with priest before attending pre-cana.
Sounds pretty weird and intrusive...hope it isn't necessary at our Church...
dpli
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Re: WOW - Questions Before Pre-Cana!
If you already did Pre-Cana, I doubt you'll have to do the FOCUS test.
sposarse
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I just got back from my follow up FOCUS meeting. I did not see it at all as intrusive. Last week, FH and I went to a couples house who is a member of the parish- we took the 'test' and then came back tonight- a week later. The couple copmpared our answers to one anothers and brought up the questions that we had conflicting answers in. FH really thought it was great! IT did bring up some topics that we would have not otherwise discussed. I guess it also depends on the couple that is facilitating your discussion. This coupl;e was great. They really established a nice relationship with us- just in these two meetings. They used a lot of their real life experiences as examples. It didnt feel as though we were in the 'hot seat' because they kept refering back to therir own experiences.
Jackie&Justin
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Re: Questions Before Pre-Cana
Yep- I took that test a few weeks ago. Luckily we aced it!!!! There were some weird questions. Did you read the one about if your spouse is gay????lol I guess that's a real problem!
