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Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

nifheim Posted:

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

The New York Times

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other's friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?

15) Do each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
drpepper318 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Very interesting! Thanks for posting this. These questions are really important ones! I can't imagine marrying someone without talking about these things first but I guess a lot of people do.

MandG072909 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying


Posted by nifheim
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?



Huh? How is this in the same list with your position on having kids? This hardly seems like a deal breaker to me...IMO its more like saying I won't marry you if you don't want a dishwasher!?!?!?!?!

But I do agree that the rest of the list is definately good and very important things to know about/discuss with each other
nifheim Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

I have heard couples who have tv's in their bedroom talk less to each other / have less intamacy with each other.

I have a tv in my bedroom and can't live with out watching tv in bed IoI
TLC1018 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Thanks for posting this!!!! It's a very good thing to read!

sr081906 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying


Posted by MandG072909


Posted by nifheim
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?



Huh? How is this in the same list with your position on having kids? This hardly seems like a deal breaker to me...IMO its more like saying I won't marry you if you don't want a dishwasher!?!?!?!?!

But I do agree that the rest of the list is definately good and very important things to know about/discuss with each other



Actually I cannot sleep with the TV on or could not live with someone who does not understand that I need a lot of sleep. So I think it's more about similar lifestyle, sleep pattern, etc..
kellygirl Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

All covered, except we can't seem to agree about the moving out of state thing

snydl40 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Very good questions-Actually FH and I have gone through all of this-without the list.

Collweenie21 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying


Posted by MandG072909


Posted by nifheim
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?




Huh? How is this in the same list with your position on having kids? This hardly seems like a deal breaker to me...IMO its more like saying I won't marry you if you don't want a dishwasher!?!?!?!?!

But I do agree that the rest of the list is definately good and very important things to know about/discuss with each other

This gave me quite a chuckle as well!!
libby2595 Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

the tv in the bedroom causes minor fights for us, but nothing that can't be solved in three minutes.

it's sad to think how many americans don't bother to stop and ask these questions before getting married. too many people get caught up in the 'it feels good right now' attitude, and they don't look down the line before jumping into a marriage.

jmho
ZeppsGirl Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

my FH and I are getting interviewed by my pastor next week. We have really discussed everything.

The only thing that I am seeming to have a hard time with is christmas (my family celebrates to a large $$$$ expense) and tv in the bedroom. I like the tranquility of a bedroom, he needs the tv to fall asleep.

We will get through all of this but I am not going to bend with christmas. My parents have given me so much in my life and I feel that I should share with them. Not to a huge expense. ...but off my podium now.
JIFFY Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Thank you for this! I am definitely printing it out as I type. We have gone over this but it is always good to make sure things have not changed.

nifheim Posted:

Re: Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

FH needs to fall asleep with tv.. i hate like to sleep in silence. I have adapted to listening to the tv now but he likes to fall asleep to the court channel which scares me because i will wake up to someone either getting arrested or a reannactment of a murder. I discussed this with fh and now he falls asleep to teh history channel which we both can agree on or animal planet.

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