Rachel Ray?? Mini-vent

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Posted by Fall Bride 2008

iF I SEE HER FACE ON ANOTHER BOX OF WHEAT THINS I AM GOING TO FLIP

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FH specifically asks me to buy the triscuits without her face on them because he doesn't want to look at her.

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Posted by Fall Bride 2008

iF I SEE HER FACE ON ANOTHER BOX OF WHEAT THINS I AM GOING TO FLIP

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Haha!! I actually have a box of those stashed away in my desk right now and I HATE the fact that she's on there too! :)

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Posted by ama1771

MY FI loves her, I used to like her before she made it so big. I liked her regular cooking shows. No offense to anyone, but I cannot stand her talkshow! She now drives me nuts. If I hear E.V.O.O. once more...

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I agree!

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Posted by korndoggie

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Posted by Fall Bride 2008

iF I SEE HER FACE ON ANOTHER BOX OF WHEAT THINS I AM GOING TO FLIP

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FH specifically asks me to buy the triscuits without her face on them because he doesn't want to look at her.

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I swear FH wont buy the ones with her face on the box

PUT A SHARPIE TO THAT BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LONG POST - from lozo.blogspot.com - he's funny as heck.... he wrote this yesterday!

Not Surprisingly, Rachael Ray Is The Ruler Of Hell

I don't believe in god. Heaven. Hell. All that nonsense. And neither should you. But hey, if you do, it's cool. I don't care.

But on Tuesday morning, I looked into the eyes of the Dark Lord, and she had a studio audience. And a fat ***.

I had a doctor's appointment. A really stupid one. One where I find out I don't have glaucoma, you know, because I'm twenty-*******-nine, and twenty-*******-nine-year-olds don't have glaucoma. But when I got contacts like six months ago (I just broke the contacts embargo) the doctor thought I had early-warning signs, so I went to this place and they checked me out, told me I was fine but to come back again in six months.

I want you to realize I made the appointment for Tuesday at 10:10 a.m. six months in advance. My first time there (btw, hell is located in Union City on Bergenline Avenue if you want to avoid it) I waited, literally, more than two hours just to see the doctor. Spent a total of about three hours in the office altogether. So this time around, I decided I was getting there nice and early.

Yeah, that didn't matter. Got there at 9:50, there were about 20 people in the waiting room, I knew I was fucked.

The waiting room has a giant TV. This TV had ABC on. ABC had Rachael Ray's horrific show on. For an hour. Rachael Ray has an hour-long show on ABC that started the second my *** hit the couch. Before I get into this, just know I reached ultimate life sadness when I looked at my cellphone, saw it was 10:31, and realized the show wasn't a half-hour.

Up until now, I managed to avoid all things Rachael Ray as best I could. Saw her on other talk shows a few times, saw her in some commercials, and actually bought a box of Wheat Thins with her on it. I didn't so much get her fame, seeing as how she was annoying AND ugly. Somehow she was on TV.

After being forced to watch (mostly listen while I had my eyes closed) this show, I have developed a new-found hatred for this tubby lard. And her studio audience. What a bunch of mindless assholes. Here are the things I can remember in no particular order:

Rachael Ray has the most annoying voice ever. It's an accent of some kind, combined with someone who has smoked 2 packs a day since she was 10. But I can't figure out her accent. It sounds like something you'd hear in Fargo, but not really.
Rachael Ray is fat. And I'm not knocking her because she's fat. I'm knocking her because she thinks she's thin and had the nerve to pose for the most airbrushed Maxim photo spread in history.
Her studio audience is filled with retards. Early in the show, she 'prepared' some food item on a piece of bread. I think there were tomatoes on the bread or something. I don't know. Blood was pouring from eyes. Anyway, she decided to sprinkle some lemon zest on this, and the audience went nuts. They cut to the audience, and the reaction was out of control. It was as if instead of saying, 'Let's put some lemon zest on this!' she said, 'I'm giving you all a million dollars!' It was a frightening reaction. Like something you'd see at those Jesus rallies when the reverend pushes the guy down by his head on the stage and the Christians freak out. I swear. Like that.
I know everyone says Rachael Ray is phony, but it's true. Every time she yelled out, 'Yeah!' or 'Right on!' or some other ******** then glared at the unresponsive audience as if to say, 'I just said something! Applaud, you idiots!' you could see her disdain when she got no reaction. You could also see my soul slipping out of my body.
Rachael Ray has terrible posture. She was all stooped over, leaning toward the camera, the way a witch would entice kids into her gingerbread house right before she through them in the oven.
You know how Michael Strahan and David Letterman have that gap-tooth thing working in the front of their mouth? Rachael Ray seems to have that between all of her teeth. I tried to find a photo that backed me up on this, but I couldn't. I think if you counted them up, Rachael has 10 teeth total in her mouth. She could floss with a gym rope. Or a TV executive's penis. Really, you tell me how she got this famous.
But my two favorite parts of the show that deserve to be expanded past bullet points? Glad you asked.

The first one was the fact she had a woman on who wrote a book about how a parent should talk about sex with her child. The awkwardness in the segment was palpable, considering lemon zest was as exciting as it got in the previous segment. At one point, the sex-talk woman was explaining about how to get started in the talking-with-the-kid process, and when she wrapped up, Rachael said, 'Yeah, get the balling rolling, so to speak.'

The 'so to speak' part was very weird. It was used in that way where you want to make a dirty joke out of something the other person just said. For instance it would be if I sat here and said I like to be on top during sex, and you said, 'You want to stay on top of things, so to speak.'

Only in Rachael's case, she was trying to make a 'ball rolling' sex joke about an 11-year-old, as if all sex involves balls rolling on Rachael. No one laughed or even acknowledged it, but you can tell she was looking for a laugh with her 'so to speak' tack on. Sorry, Rachael. Men rolling their balls all over your naked body isn't a common sex practice.

The underlying joke in the entire segment was Rachael, who I have on good authority blew any boss she ever had on her way to the top, was telling kids about sex. Whenever she'd interject with something like, 'Yes, yes, be open with your child about it,' she was really thinking, 'But tell your kid, if she's fat, annoying and talentless, it's OK to **** your way to the top, because really, how else am I going to get there. I mean you. Not I. How else are YOU going to get there?'

But this part actually made me laugh out loud (LOL, Meg!) and pushed me over the edge and forced me to write about it. She did a segment with the Iron Chef (ironic, that the Iron Chef is very doughy) and was going to commercial. I'm paraphrasing, but Rachael said something to the effect of, 'When we come back, Sex and the City's Kristen Davis will be here to help us prepare her mother's meatballs in a charity event something something....' Yeah, I forget. But Kristen Davis, who apparently is still being identified with a show that went off the air three years ago, was going to be in-studio! Woo hoo!

Anyway, after the last commercial runs, they go right into a Sex and the City clip with Kristen and the super-ugly Sarah Jessica Parker. They talk, something funny happens, end of clip, and they cut to Doughy Chef and Rachael, and she says, I swear to god....

'You're probably sitting there wondering, 'Why did we just see a Sex and the City clip?' Well that's because...'

You tubby idiot. No, I'm not wondering why I saw a Sex and the City clip. You know why? BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME KRISTEN DAVIS WAS GOING TO BE IN THE STUDIO BEFORE THE LAST COMMERCIAL BREAK! IT WAS TWO MINUTES AGO! YOU SHOWED THE CLIP BECAUSE KRISTEN DAVIS IS ON YOUR SHOW! YOU FAT ****!

And that's when the show just fell apart. Or got better I guess, because the chef was cooking, Kristen was cooking and talking, and Rachael was just standing there being not slim. At one point she even said, 'I'm just standing here not doing anything!'

You were doing something, Rachael. You were getting fatter.

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Posted by Snowflake08

i find her so totally annoying that i cant even listen to her

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I totally agree. She is so annoying

wow... I work for the studio where this show is done (eue screen gems) and honestly...the show gets great ratings and a lot of people love her.

I dont care either way...i kno my mom loves her and when she goes to see her she will be excited. i do not consider any of her audience to be retards. that is just plain mean.

but the woman is making a ton of money with all of her endorsements and her shows...you may hate on her but she pushed her way to the top to make a ton of money and THAT is something to respect.

so u may find her annoying and *Fat* which she isnt since I see her on a daily basis face to face...she is not stick thin...but not fat in any way...

maybe you guys shouldnt be SO harsh...

i dunno I just hate when people bash just to bash

IN MY OPINION...i dont need like hate forum mail.