Rant: Thinking about Eloping!

I'm sure I'm not the only one out there....

I feel like my fiance's family are sucking me in! Like the world is spinning around me and they are in control!

I just wanted a beautiful destination wedding, maybe in either Charleston, S.C. or at the Biltmore in Asheville, N.C.-
But NOOOOOOOOO..... the wedding has to be Glatt Kosher! No kosher at the Biltmore, No kosher in Charleston.


Ok, so I'll have it at an amazing venue in NYC-
But NOOOOOO.... Glatt Kosher costs sooo much extra, and the venues MUST be square (that apparently makes a nicer party), and I'd be spending way too much per person.


Ok, so I GUESS I'll look at Synagogues in LI (which I know NOTHING about, since I'm originally from SC, living in Manhattan 6 years). So, I look at places which I don't know how to get to, Synagogues that his family know about, been to, think are good.

Ok, we find one we like. FINE. We go in to talk to the caterers, and it's all about my fiance's family. They ask me what we'd like to eat, and I just felt like saying, 'does it really matter what I want?'.

Also, I'm hand-making my own invitations (it's what I do), and come to find out that I may have to do it in Hebrew, because that's what THEY want. Ummm...HELLO??? I don't give a ratts *** about Hebrew, I don't want it on my invite, nobody can read it, and I think it's UGLY!

I want to have a beach theme, with crabs and lobsters, and other sea-life....but NOOOOOOO, no lobster or crab ANYTHING can be present at the synagogue. 'it's offensive'.
Ok, so that means no starfish, sharks, dolphins, octopus, sea shells, sand dollars, etc... because they aren't kosher. I guess I'll just decorate with sea bass and salmon. How beautiful.

Like, you religious ladies all wear pearls, right? Well, they come from UN-***-KOSHER OYSTERS!

I am just so frustrated. I called my mother and told her I am one hair away from having a Vegas wedding, and if his family doesn't like it they can kiss my u-know-what. I feel like I'm going to break down at any moment. I feel like my wedding has become some religious freakish nightmare, and I can't wake up.

sorry for the length and anger in this, I just had to get it out. Can anyone relate to my situation?

I cant relate... but I hope you get thru and able to get the wedding 'YOU' want.:

Is his parent even paying for the wedding?

wow! it sounds like they're making a lot of demands for your wedding. are they paying for it? if not, I would tell them diplomatically sorry, it's not your wedding!

ETA: are you Jewish? it sounds like you may not be. if that is the case, you can't get married in a Synagogue.

It's your wedding and let them know that you'll be doing what you want! You are more then happy to listen to any 'SUGGESTIONS' they may have but ultimatly 'YOU' will have the final say! Unless they want to pay for the whole damn wedding tell them to just back off!!!

I feel for you!! Good luck!!!

Oh my word! I would elope, too.
You will find that the most common point of view on this board is 'If you ain't payin, you ain't sayin'. ( I think that's ChrissynRicky's phrase).HTH. I know it doesn't. I am all for eloping, but that will probably make everyone so much more angry...

If they are not paying for the wedding, then it's your choice! You can only be accomodating to others so much. It's YOUR wedding!

There are some beautiful synagogues, and a lot of non-synagogues that can do kosher weddings.

Try Abbigale Kirsch - she has a venue at the Chelsea Piers - you could do kosher and have a nautical theme (but unfortunately shell fish is a no go in a kosher wedding) but you can have caviar.

The Waldorff-Astoria does kosher weddings and it is beautiful and has an old world feel

Try central synagogue in NYC or where I got married The Great Neck Synagogue (in Great Neck on Long Island).

There is also a temple in Cedarhurst which is a beautiful round synagogue - but I was not personally in love with the reception venue it has a tudor feel to it.

For places on the water try Crescent Beach Club - it is on the water but I am not sure if it will meet the kosher requirement.

ETS: To get married at Great Neck Synagogue you need to certify that both you, your fiancee and all of your parents are jewish.

ETA: I thought pearls were bad luck at weddings???

Hi - I know EXACTLY what you are going through with the Glatt Kosher, etc... .... I know we spoke through FM a while back.

Honestly.. we had GORGEOUS invitations with hebrew on them, people still compliment me on them. I also have a program I can tell where you to get (for free) with hebrew fonts.

Also, the Crest Hollow does Glatt Kosher, and we got an amazing price per person (well under $100) and it's a beautiful place.

FM me anytime

Michelle

i'm so sorry that things are getting crazy and making you so miserable.

is there a way to compromise to find a happy medium for both sides?

i went to a party at the huntington townhouse a few years ago and the food was glatt kosher. i dont know if it was made there or brought in....

as for synagogues on LI, if they are adamant about having glatt, then only conservative or orthodox synagogues will have that. there are some reform synagogues that have kosher caterers, but since it seems that your fils are pretty observant, then that wouldnt work for them.

hebrew is a beautiful language. just b/c you may not understand it, your fils and some of their guests will.
if you are dead set against having an all hebrew invite, one option is to have hebrew on one side and the english on the other, or you could just have your hebrew names and the hebrew date of your wedding under the secular ones.

yes kosher food is much more expensive than non-kosher. if it is that important to your fils, then ask them to pay for it.

get your fh involved in this so it does not become them against you.

Thanks all...

I am Jewish as well, but obviously not religious. And certainly not kosher.

It's just frustrating.

We found a beautifuly synagogue, Temple Beth Shalom in Roslyn, catered by Newman and Levinthal. Not so bad....I just really didn't want to have my wedding in a Synagogue.

Oh, and PS, his parents are putting in HALF for the wedding, so they do have a say in it. HOWEVER, they HAVE to put in half because my parents can't afford a KOSHER WEDDING!!!

If I had it where I wanted, how I wanted it, my parents could pay for my wedding. BUT NOOOOOO....it must be GLATT KOSHER. So, his parents had to pay for some. Plus, my parents are inviting about 100 people (in which maybe 50 will show) and his parents are inviting around 100-150 people, in which almost all of them will show.

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Posted by nychaos99

Thanks all...

I am Jewish as well, but obviously not religious. And certainly not kosher.

It's just frustrating.

We found a beautifuly synagogue, Temple Beth Shalom in Roslyn, catered by Newman and Levinthal. Not so bad....I just really didn't want to have my wedding in a Synagogue.

Oh, and PS, his parents are putting in HALF for the wedding, so they do have a say in it. HOWEVER, they HAVE to put in half because my parents can't afford a KOSHER WEDDING!!!

If I had it where I wanted, how I wanted it, my parents could pay for my wedding. BUT NOOOOOO....it must be GLATT KOSHER. So, his parents had to pay for some. Plus, my parents are inviting about 100 people (in which maybe 50 will show) and his parents are inviting around 100-150 people, in which almost all of them will show.

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What does your FH have to say about this?

All Ican say is OH GOD!! It sounds like a nightmare, seriously. Have they taken your faith into consideration at all? Geesh, doesn't sound like it. I wish you the best of luck, I'm at a loss for words. Talk about control. You poor thing.

I just saw your post.Ooops didn't know you were jewish as well. Didn't sound like it for a minute as I was reading. Sorry

We had the same thing DH and I are not very religious, but SIL is VERY religious, my MIL keeps kosher (but is semi-religious), my father's entire side of the family are VERY religious (I'm talking black hats, Buro Park religious) and the rabbi that married us is Lubavitch, along with half the people from our synaguouge that my father invited. So, we really had no choice but to go Glatt. I feel your pain, really!!!

Crescent Beach Club can do Glatt kosher. I think they can also do some Glatt kosher meals and the rest non-kosher. Their food, service, etc is excellent. We had kosher meals for some of our guests, but I don't remember whether any of them were Glatt kosher.

I'm sorry you feel you have no say in your wedding. You should be allowed to make decisions especially if you are paying for it. However, you also need to take your FI's family into consideration. How religious is your FI and his family? What does he think about this? If his family is very religious, you should respect their beliefs and customs. I'm not saying you have to give in to all of their requests, but perhaps you can sit down with your FI and find a way to compromise. If you don't accommodate his family at all, his entire family may not be able to attend. Since your wedding should be a celebration of the joining of two families, hopefully you can figure out something that will satisfy everyone. Good luck.

Blu-ize:

My FH is more than happy to do whatever I want. But he works for his dad! His dad owns a company, and the FH works with him. SO, we can't just do what we want. We have to still respect the family. They basically pay his (and soon to be my) bills.

Thank goodness, my sanity is kept by the fact that I'm starting my own company fairly soon, hand-making invitations. I keep that in the back of my head at all times. (hence, my frustration that AGAIN, I must do what they tell me and have hebrew on my invites. YUCK.) I'm not saying that invitations can't be STUNNING and gorgeous with hebrew, it's just not for me, that's all. It's not the style I'm going for, and my invitations will most likely be unique, fun, and three-dimensional. I can't imagine sliding a traditional hebrew invite in there with it!

Plus, my invitations might be the one and only wedding aspect I have complete control of.

I am so sorry they are doing this to you and making you feel this way I hope things work out soon and you get to have the wedding of your dreams.