RD Question...kinda long

OK we weren't planning on having a RD because of cot and the fact that we're getting married at RH so there will be no actual rehearsing.

Months ago when we had told this to FIL's (who backed out on helping to pay for anything for the wedding long ago and have been nothing but trouble since) they had said that if we weren't going to that they would. I said that was fine if they wanted to and gave them some suggestions of places when they asked me to.

Fast forward to present day and they still have not made any plans. With less than 2 months to go I feel like time is running out for planning this as I don't feel it would be right to spring it on everyone at the last minute if/when they finally get themselves together.

So here's the question I guess when is the latest this should be planned and people invited? I'm getting to the point where I just want to tell them to forget about it but figured I would see what the consensus on this was first.

TIA!

We are also getting married at the RH, so actually there is no need for a RD.

But, I do want to have a pe-wedding get together for the immediate family and the best man (my sis is MOH). My in-laws haven't mentioned it, and neither has my FH. I think at this point I will just make reservations for dinner a week or two before the wedding and I'll pick up the tab.

We will have to come straight out and talk about it soon. Their problem is not that it is a burden ( they have plenty of money but choose not to spend it on anything usually- the take it with you complex-and anyway it was there idea) but that they leave everything to last minute and are always late.

For example when we got engaged the night before my graduation party we waited and announced it at the party. His parents were as usual were 3 hours late and the last to find out. We tried to wait for them but it was hard to hide it and when they walked in the door they had people congratulating them and they didn't know why.

Their being physically late for things extends to planning things. They were late with their guest list by more than a month when we finaially had to say now or never. And even now 2 months before they are trying to to add people

Hmm ok mini vent over lol ...got slightly off topic I guess but you get the point we could talk to them about it and they will say oh ok we'll get on it and then they still won't so I guess I am just trying to come up with a deadline for when the point of no return has passed for planning the RD.

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Posted by BrideInBlue

We will have to come straight out and talk about it soon. Their problem is not that it is a burden ( they have plenty of money but choose not to spend it on anything usually- the take it with you complex-and anyway it was there idea) but that they leave everything to last minute and are always late.

For example when we got engaged the night before my graduation party we waited and announced it at the party. His parents were as usual were 3 hours late and the last to find out. We tried to wait for them but it was hard to hide it and when they walked in the door they had people congratulating them and they didn't know why.

Their being physically late for things extends to planning things. They were late with their guest list by more than a month when we finaially had to say now or never. And even now 2 months before they are trying to to add people

Hmm ok mini vent over lol ...got slightly off topic I guess but you get the point we could talk to them about it and they will say oh ok we'll get on it and then they still won't so I guess I am just trying to come up with a deadline for when the point of no return has passed for planning the RD.

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Ok, so the RD invites should go out four weeks before the dinner, and you will probably need two weeks to get them organized and secure a place, I would tell them within the next two weeks they have to decide.

I find it so rude when people are physically late.
3 ours late to your graduation party ? That's inexcusible. Are they going to be at the wedding on time ? Plan on starting without them.
(sorry about that - now i'm off topic)

Would it help if you gave your in-laws a time deadline for making the decision about the RD ?
Say, you need to have a budget and make reservations by September 12th. Be straight upfront and tell them that you need to know because this is something that is tradionally hosted by the groom's parents, and if they don't want to do it, then there won't be a RD.

How does your FH deal with this issue ?

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Posted by SusiBtoM

I find it so rude when people are physically late.
3 ours late to your graduation party ? That's inexcusible. Are they going to be at the wedding on time ? Plan on starting without them.
(sorry about that - now i'm off topic)

Would it help if you gave your in-laws a time deadline for making the decision about the RD ?
Say, you need to have a budget and make reservations by September 12th. Be straight upfront and tell them that you need to know because this is something that is tradionally hosted by the groom's parents, and if they don't want to do it, then there won't be a RD.

How does your FH deal with this issue ?

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Haha, I'm the same way with late people, it infuriates me! I am always 5 minutes early at least so it so bugs me!

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Posted by SusiBtoM

I find it so rude when people are physically late.
3 ours late to your graduation party ? That's inexcusible. Are they going to be at the wedding on time ? Plan on starting without them.
(sorry about that - now i'm off topic)

Would it help if you gave your in-laws a time deadline for making the decision about the RD ?
Say, you need to have a budget and make reservations by September 12th. Be straight upfront and tell them that you need to know because this is something that is tradionally hosted by the groom's parents, and if they don't want to do it, then there won't be a RD.

How does your FH deal with this issue ?

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I know it's ridiculous! I always try to be on time if not early for not other reason than that it is polite and the right thing to do. They should be on time for the wedding as they are supposed to go with us early to the hall to take pictures before hand but I have already told them repeatedly that we will not hold the Ceremony for anyone. Since the ceremony is at the hall we are only alloted a certain amount of time so it WILL start on time!

A deadline is kinda what I am looking to work out now. We will all have plenty of other things to do that day and I don't want to be forced to try and reschedule things at the last moment.

So far a month before for them to decide seems to sounds good.

ETA
FH handles it by going saying just tell them no or whatever but I learned already that dosen't work because as with the invites they then corner him and try to make him feel guilty about rushing them into making a decision and then they change their mind anyway and do whatever they want uggh and of course FH could care less but it always ends up with me looking like the MEGA B1TCH

Good luck. Sounds like you will need it.

Punctuality is not something that FH or his parents are known for. His dad is not an early riser, so we are telling him that he has to be dressed and ready at 9:00 to go to the RH. The car should be picking them up from the hotel at 9:45, and it's only a 10 minute car ride.

When my sister got married 14 years ago, she told her FMIL that if the groom was late to the church, she would just turn around and go home. He was on time, and hasn't been late since.