REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

azailia Posted: Aug 18, 2008 09:54 PM

REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok....

I posted about this before.. but i need help...

We decided that the only kids at the wedding will be the ones in the bridal party....we have 7 kids in the bridal party...we chose they kids becdause we see them on a regular basis and we have a RELATIONSHIP with them!!!

We both have stepparents....

Fh's father is insisiting his STEP- grandchildren be invited to the wedding....

I am furious,,, the stepmom asked me and I said no..only kids in the bp.. that is fair...and now dad emails us (meanwhile he hasnt paid for a thing for this wedding)

my fh WAS on my side but now he is like so what... invite them

I DO NOT want them there!!!

This wedding is not about HIS grankids it is about us!!!

Please help me!!! What do I say!!!

KPetekie Posted: Aug 18, 2008 09:59 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Would you consider having them if the grandfather was willing to pay for the extra kids? How many extra kids would it be?

Kricket212 Posted: Aug 18, 2008 10:01 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand how you feel. It you let one it will be a domino effect. I personally don't think they should be invited since you don't want them there but because they are your FH dad's step grandkids.... I would say ok & you need money to pay for them

azailia Posted: Aug 18, 2008 10:28 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by KPetekie

Would you consider having them if the grandfather was willing to pay for the extra kids? How many extra kids would it be?

NOPE>>>>

the granfather says they arer immediate family... meanwhile, we werent there for the baby showers, christinings and any birthdays...

they didnt even come to our e party

these kids dont know us.. my wedding isnt a backyard barbeq

they are 3 kids all under the age of 5 and one has a sensory disorder.. for all i know the music will make him crazy

to me this isnt really a money issue.. to me it seems that stepmom just wants to show off her grandkids and my wedding is not the place for that!!!

I am about to have an anxiety attack!!!!!

I want to scream!!!

Cpt2007 Posted: Aug 18, 2008 10:31 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you need to to get your FH in line with you. Explain to him why this is important. Does he have a good relationship with his stepmom? Also explain to him what opening the flood gates will mean in terms of all of the other non-bridal party kids. Cause in the end, that's what it means-- you allow those three kids, you allow EVERYONE's kids.

GL!

azailia Posted: Aug 18, 2008 10:40 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Cpt2007

I think you need to to get your FH in line with you. Explain to him why this is important. Does he have a good relationship with his stepmom? Also explain to him what opening the flood gates will mean in terms of all of the other non-bridal party kids. Cause in the end, that's what it means-- you allow those three kids, you allow EVERYONE's kids.

GL!

He is laid back and he avoids trouble at all costs...he agreed with the idea if we let them we have to let everyone....when he brought that up to his dad..(tonight when dad called asking about the kids!!!) dad's response was well just immediate family... other guests wont know..they will just see other kids and e like why arent mine here...

plus if we want to get TECHNICAL... we arent inviting 4 of my stepsiblings kids....

but we are inviting 2...they are in the bridal party..

the other 4 we do not have a relationship with..

Plus when we got his mother's list she put kids on it.. she doesnt know that we arent inviting them yet...

I just feel like my fh isnt validating my feelings and just wants to invite them to make them happy.. so everyone is happy.. except the bride!!

azailia Posted: Aug 19, 2008 12:57 AM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bump

MJDoc12 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 01:01 AM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

get FH back on your side again and let him know he needs to stick with you and not just cave in. stick with your original choice and do NOT back down at all.

i had the issues with having kids at the wedding and it was a battle to make sure family knew i was serious.

jeffamanda080808 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 01:05 AM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I openly admit that I am the worst person to post about kids at weddings. I had tons of family drama.

It wasn't about money or anything like that. It was the fact that we wanted an adult only wedding. We had DH's 9 year old nephew as the Jr. Best Man and he was about a million times more responsible than his mother.

Bottom line, you and FH need to get on the same page on the issue and present it to all parents (step included) and say that it is your wedding and you do not wish to have children there. If they freak simply tell them that it is YOUR wedding and let them know your reasons why.

That is what we did with my MIL and once we explained it she was understanding. It took a few times explaining but she eventually understood.

Sweeteey51 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 03:12 AM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should just tell them no, whats the worse they would do besides be upset but they will still come. You have to stick to your ground and let them know that this is a no kids affair except bridal party. It will be a domino affect because your step siblings kids arent invited and thats not fair. Tell your FH that they just cant come.

fitchc Posted: Aug 19, 2008 05:48 AM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont invite them that is your choice you should see my post what should i do?

fitchc Posted: Aug 19, 2008 05:51 AM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they are not close enough and your step dad is not helping you with the money not fair do not invite them i didnt invite my fathers side at all for gods sake! they are trouble makers i have no regrets

misci918 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 01:25 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It s**** that your FFIL is putting you in this position. Just explaining you would have to do it for everyone should be enough. I think its pretty audacious of him to insist at that point.

Just an outside perspective concerning the child with the sensory disorder. Working with kids who have such problems I know that having that child there is not going to benefit anyone including the child. Getting a sitter for children with special needs is difficult but having a child wiht a sensory disorder at such an event is even harder for the parents. They deserve a night out where they can relax and celebrate with you and they will not be able to do that with their child there.

jennarose023 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 01:37 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how old are the grandkids? i would be just as pissed as you are, but maybe it's just worth letting this one go?

pa56 Posted: Aug 19, 2008 01:39 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you put your foot and tell him no, then it will stay with him forever. He will always remember it and probably throw it back in your face from time to time (either on purpose or unintentionally).

It may not be worth the aftermath.

I invited 2 extra people that my Aunt KEPT hinting that she wanted to attend. In the end, I just invited them because I didn't want to deal with her afterwards.

barbtony Posted: Aug 19, 2008 01:43 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you said:
'We decided that the only kids at the wedding will be the ones in the bridal party....we have 7 kids in the bridal party...we chose they kids becdause we see them on a regular basis and we have a RELATIONSHIP with them!!!'

Keep notice of the 'WE'. You and FH need to talk about it and he has to be the one to tell his dad 'no'. I understand what you are going thru - I knew this was going to be an issue with us too. I spoke to my friend, whose daughter is going to be my flowergirl, and she actually said that it is easier for her if the kids aren't there. I also spoke with my sister, who has 3 kids, and she said the same thing. So, that was all fine until FMIL asked FH about it last week. I know this is only the beginning for me.

The both of you need to be strong and hold true to what it is that BOTH OF YOU want.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dazey Posted: Aug 19, 2008 02:23 PM

Re: REALLY PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tell him that if you invite his grandkids, than you'll have to invite all your friends and families kids that already know that it is a no kids wedding.. or they will all be really upset that you are inviting some kids and not all. it's your wedding your rules. anyone that is causing problems for your wedding doesn't deserve the respect so don't bend the rules for them.

tell him simply to stop causing drama, it's your wedding and you barely know these children.