So FH is going into the police academy in a few days and right now, I live in Florida. We decided its probably best for me to stay here for awhile and work as much as possible so we can finally catch up on our bills (for a long time, i was working at a different disney job not making any money and now im working at a restaurant in Magic Kingdom and the money is pretty good and i love the job).. Ever since we moved down here (july) we've been really struggling with money and my FH has completely changed. he is not the man i fell in love with and love to this day. I mean when I think of him, I think of how much I'm in love with him, but that's the old FH that i'm thinking about. this one is so mean, he's pissy all of the time, he doesnt want anything to do with me basically. he swears he's in love with me and cant wait to marry me. but thats only when i push him into saying it basically.
we only have until wednesday to spend time together but every day we fight like CRAZY and i dont even wanna be around him. i know its gonna be really hard for us when he moves back and im still here, but right now, its looking like a good idea to be away from him. it absolutely kills me that i think this way because i love him with all of my heart, but the way he's been acting, makes me absolutely HATE him. i really dont know how to feel anymore :(
luvabul
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Re: really sad
did you have a heart to heart talk with him yet?? sorry to hear that...,perhaps he's just frustrated men tend to feel that way especially when it comes to money, they feel like its their job to take care of their wives etc...and so forth
good luck and just try to hold it togetether
kflan75
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Re: really sad
aww! Im sorry!! He's probably just really stressed out and just as sad about being apart.... try and be positive and think of it as you're being apart will let him focus on taking care of you in the future....
XFINALLYX
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i've had so many talks and so many crying fits with him, nothing helps. its the same old song, 'i'll change' yet he doesnt. he's been taking care of me for awhile and i think thats why hes pissed off at me. i was unemployed for like 3 months (we kept going away and i didnt wanna start a job and be like um yeah im leaving) i think he resents me for it cause we're in so much debt :( i opted for the civil ceremony but he wants an elaborate wedding :-/
thelastresort
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Re: really sad
I have a friend in that exact same situation. Financial stress can put a lot of strain on a relationship. I bet once he feels a bit more stable and not up to his eyeballs in debt, things will be a lot better. Good luck!
nifheim
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Re: really sad
possible resentment but maybe he is more scared that your away and working not relying on him. Some guys like to idea of being the bread winner. Realization of a possible breakup typically snaps the guy out of their funk. I broke up with fh halfway into our over 5 year relationship and the three months truly helped him put things into perspective in his life. Leaving a band, starting a new job, loosing friends that he had for years,etc it just put too much pressure on him and he drank way to much and got nasty. We broke up and three months later he was back to the man I met. He needed time to heal for himself. Not sure if this is the case with your fh but is there many changes going on in his life? You said he is doing training for a new career.. maybe its too much for him with the wedding?
I can say really what to do but realize that relationships are far from perfect. You have rough patches and people get into funks. Try to work through it and see where the base is of the funk. Tell him he needs to know why in order to change it otherwise if he doesn't know how will he change?
Wish you the best.
SoulMates422
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Re: really sad
Posted by luvabul
perhaps he's just frustrated men tend to feel that way especially when it comes to money, they feel like its their job to take care of their wives etc...and so forth
I must agree, sometimes men feel as though its their job to be our protectors and to take care of the home. He may just be a little frustrated because things are not going the best right now. I think the time apart will help you guys realize what you have. Believe me I never fully appreciated FH until we spend 2 years living across the world from one another. Try to look past his immediate response... Think positively and know that with the new year is a new beginning. You both have new jobs ahead of you, thats a great start. You have to walk before you run.Much Luck and God bless. BTW love the tats!!
TakingtheLongWay
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I agree that he is probably sad/stresed out about the whole situation. I went through the same thing with my FH for a while. In the end though, we realized that we needed to be together. I wonder is your FH going into the NYPD academy? When my FH graduated, he grew up alot. He knew he had a bad attitude before he started and I think once he graduated, he realized he was a grown up and he started to rethink his/our situation. We got engaged 2 months ago and before that, my FH swore he would never get married. Sometimes it takes a big life change for them (and sometimes us) to help us do some growing up. Please don't hesitate to FM me anytime you need to talk!! Marie
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: really sad
Im very sorry to hear that...I agree that financial stress can be overbearing sometimes..maybe this is his way of getting his frustrations out and he doesn't mean to act that way..I definately think you need to talk, and perhaps explain that you don't want to be treated this way any longer..have you ever considered couples therapy?
XFINALLYX
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Re: really sad
i wanted to go to couples counseling and he thought it was a waste of money. i'm still gonna try to push this.
im almost positive he's getting into the academy (he took himself off the list since we had moved and they called him about a week and a half ago anyway they told him to get everything done this week and he can start the 10th)
i heard a friend of mine that is a cop now turned into a c ocky b astid! i know FH wont be like that cause he's just not that type of guy but im hoping he'll realize how he's acting. :-/ thanks for listening girls xo
Pencils
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Re: really sad
I'm the daughter of a cop, and the granddaughter of a cop, so I feel as if I know the culture--some are cocky bastards, but I think they were always like that to some extent, becoming a cop just brought it out.
I'm sorry about your situation. Keep in mind that just because you have a wedding date and have gone through with so much wedding planning already, it doesn't mean you have to get married. Everyone has doubts, of course, but yours sound less like doubts and more like real issues. The wedding vows say: for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. It sounds to me as if your FH changed when circumstances changed, and that's not a good thing. Yes, many people become stressed out and hard t o live with when there are money problems, but you said your FH is refusing to go for counseling. Getting married won't change this, unless it makes it worse. And not everyone acts like this--my fiance is more understanding and sweeter when times are difficult, it's his nature. Your wedding day is a good ways off (although not that far) and I suggest you do some serious thinking, and definitely counseling. Alone, if your FH won't go with you. And good luck!
PegaLega
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Re: really sad
Im sure that he is stressed out-FH and I seem to argue and bicker alot lately with the weddign getting close. And it sounds bad-but the time you are going to spend apart from e/o may be a good thing for the both of you. It may cause you to realize how much you love and miss e/o which makes for good times when you do see him again. FH and I were apart for 2.5 months over the summer and all I thought when he left was 'whew peace and f'ing quiet' but within a few days I hated sleeping alone, did everything by myself and I really missed him being 'annoying'.
Im sure it will get better, just keep your head up and try to enjoy the last few days together
Julybride08
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Re: really sad
I think it's all probably stress related. My Fh gets stressed our about money also. But then I have to bring him back to reality and let him know money isn't everything. There are more important things. Maybe you two being apart for awhile will help things out. Sometimes copules need that little extra time alone. See how it goes for a few weeks and if there still isn't any change maybe you should talk to him again.
DandS
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Re: really sad
I definitely think his actions are stress related. When DH & I were saving for our wedding we were also paying a mortgage on our house, 2 car payments, and a mortgage on 3 rental houses in the Pocono's, and we were struggling with money! DH would fight with me over everything and I did not know where it was coming from. We never really fought, so I was so upset. But then I realized that it was probably stress about the money. Well we had a beautiful wedding and right after the wedding we stopped fighting. We have not fought since, and so I am positive it was the money. Figuring out how you are going to pay for everything without getting yourself into major debt can be very stressful and sometimes people get angry and upset rather than just dealing with it in a more calm way. Once he starts his new job and you can also help contribute some money, you both will be in a much better and happier place! Good luck and hang in there!!!
