Really upset (long)
I don't really know if you girls will totally understand or just think I am crazy but I needed to try something!!!
A little background info - for some reason, I tend to get very cranky & snippy when my MOH (aka my BFF) is around my family - and I don't mean just when she's like at my house, I mean more like if she's at a family function, such as a holiday or big event. I truly don't know the reason for this... This has been going on for years. My MOH is very aware and does everything she can to accomodate me, which I know she doesn't have to do, but I do appreciate it. We know each other inside and out. She has her own insecurities, as do I, of course. Her main insecurity is a fear of abandonment b/c every friend and important person in her life has left her for some reason or another. Obviously I know this about her and tell her all the time I am not going anywhere, etc. She also has not much family, so her friends (esp me) ARE her family. There is no line of distinction for her in her life, as most people tend to have.
Okay - now, that all being said - last night my mom and grandmother had their fittings at David's Bridal. I (stupidly) invited my MOH to join us, not even remembering that I get pissy in those types of situations. Well, sure enough, that happened and I ended up coming off like this major Bridezilla to the staff there - one woman even commented (which did NOT help the situation let me tell you!). Anyway, so after the fittings and all, I went back to my MOH's apt w/ her and we talked everything out.
Her feeling is that I don't really want her to be included in my family's things and that's why I always get cranky. My family life is not the same as hers. I SAY that she's like a sister to me, but then I go and act witchy when she's with my family, so maybe what she's saying could be true, I don't really know... but what I DO know is that I am scared to death that on my wedding day I am just going to be this horrible Bridezilla simply b/c of all this!!! I need to talk to my therapist about all this, but I am not seeing her until mid-July so I am venting to you girls, instead!
The other thing that came up is that I had told her the other day that FSIL/BM and I had a bonding moment. She is petrified that I am going to 'replace' her with my FSIL (which will never, EVER happen - I don't even adore my FSIL all that much!) She cant stand my FSIL though, and in the course of her being upset and worried last night, she bluntly told me that she hates her and that my FSIL 'put her thru hell' during the planning of my shower. So now, I feel sick to my stomach about my shower AGAIN (I had these feelings a few months back but somehow I talked myself out of them and started getting excited about my shower instead - which is how it should be) and I think my shower could be this Sunday. I have to somehow talk myself out of these feelings again b/c I just am so upset...
If you're still reading this - God bless you LOL! I know you all probably think I am nuts, but I had to let it out. I just want everything to be over and I want to be on my HM already!!!
A little background info - for some reason, I tend to get very cranky & snippy when my MOH (aka my BFF) is around my family - and I don't mean just when she's like at my house, I mean more like if she's at a family function, such as a holiday or big event. I truly don't know the reason for this... This has been going on for years. My MOH is very aware and does everything she can to accomodate me, which I know she doesn't have to do, but I do appreciate it. We know each other inside and out. She has her own insecurities, as do I, of course. Her main insecurity is a fear of abandonment b/c every friend and important person in her life has left her for some reason or another. Obviously I know this about her and tell her all the time I am not going anywhere, etc. She also has not much family, so her friends (esp me) ARE her family. There is no line of distinction for her in her life, as most people tend to have.
Okay - now, that all being said - last night my mom and grandmother had their fittings at David's Bridal. I (stupidly) invited my MOH to join us, not even remembering that I get pissy in those types of situations. Well, sure enough, that happened and I ended up coming off like this major Bridezilla to the staff there - one woman even commented (which did NOT help the situation let me tell you!). Anyway, so after the fittings and all, I went back to my MOH's apt w/ her and we talked everything out.
Her feeling is that I don't really want her to be included in my family's things and that's why I always get cranky. My family life is not the same as hers. I SAY that she's like a sister to me, but then I go and act witchy when she's with my family, so maybe what she's saying could be true, I don't really know... but what I DO know is that I am scared to death that on my wedding day I am just going to be this horrible Bridezilla simply b/c of all this!!! I need to talk to my therapist about all this, but I am not seeing her until mid-July so I am venting to you girls, instead!
The other thing that came up is that I had told her the other day that FSIL/BM and I had a bonding moment. She is petrified that I am going to 'replace' her with my FSIL (which will never, EVER happen - I don't even adore my FSIL all that much!) She cant stand my FSIL though, and in the course of her being upset and worried last night, she bluntly told me that she hates her and that my FSIL 'put her thru hell' during the planning of my shower. So now, I feel sick to my stomach about my shower AGAIN (I had these feelings a few months back but somehow I talked myself out of them and started getting excited about my shower instead - which is how it should be) and I think my shower could be this Sunday. I have to somehow talk myself out of these feelings again b/c I just am so upset...
If you're still reading this - God bless you LOL! I know you all probably think I am nuts, but I had to let it out. I just want everything to be over and I want to be on my HM already!!!
