rehearsal dinner

MrsL2010 Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:00 PM

rehearsal dinner

I know we still have time to think about this, but I wanted to get opinions on this......

our wedding is on a saturday night (5:15 church) and we were going to have the rehearsal dinner on friday night (the night before), because 1/2 of our bridal party is out of town. we didn't want to do it the week before because we thought it would be unfair to ask them to come to LI 2 weekends in a row. we don't want to do it on thursday night because we would have to be out of the church by 6:45 and thought it was unfair to make our bridal party leave work early/take off to just do the rehearsal.

FMIL is having major issues with the RD being the night before. she says she won't go if it is the night before. my brother had his the night before and we have the same timeline for the next day, so i'm not concerned.

i was just wondering what you girls were planning on doing - were you having the rehearsal the day before, a few days before, a week before, not at all?

should we change it to please FMIL or just go with what we want?

sorry it's so long, thanks for reading!

WeddingGem Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:28 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

What are her reasons for not wanting to go? If there are good reasons that´s one thing but if she just doesn´t want to that´s another. I´ve only been in two weddings (as an adult) and in both, we had the RD the night before. Maybe talk to FH to get his input since he knows his mom best. Maybe he could talk to her about it.

MrsL2010 Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:33 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

FMIL says she has to get herself ready...she wouldn't go to the RD because she would have to do her hair. FH wants the RD to be the night before and is not very happy with his mother about this.

WeddingGem Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:41 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

Really?? THAT´s her reason?!? Sorry but it sounds a bit selfish to me. I know she wants to look her best an all but this is your day. If you have no prob with it then neither should she. And if you meant that she would have to do her hair for the RD tell her not to worry about that, its just a RD!!! If both you and FH want it the night before then you should do it then. You are just going to have to find a way to tell her and get her to be ok with it. Maybe try explaining it to her (or have FH do it) when you are both calm and talking about other things. Or since you still have some time hopefully she will come to her senses.

I´m sorry you have to deal with it. Its a tough situation because on the one side its your day but at the same time this isn´t just anyone giving you prob its fmil. so you don´t really want to have prob with her either. but bottom line it really is her that needs to work around your shedule and not the other way around. Hopefully it all works out. I´m sure it will.

His future Mrs Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:50 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

i know this is a little deviated but somewhat related, but also remember that its lent, so whoever is observing lent cant eat meat that friday night so just also keep that in mind!

i only know this bc im a march bride too and thats why we didnt choose to get married on a friday bc it was during lent.

oh and p.s yes totally selfish!!!

MrsL2010 Posted: Jul 17, 2009 10:57 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

we know it's lent, and have known that since the beginning, but we're going to be having it an italian restaurant, with a meatless menu - both of our families are catholic and FH even has an aunt that's a nun, so i'll be eating pizza for my RD. hahaha

mbscheer Posted: Jul 17, 2009 11:03 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

We are doing ours two nights before only for the reason that we are getting married at 12 on Sunday so we have to get up very early. It would be a very late night Saturday. I think you should do what is comfortable for you and FH. The one thing I have learned through this whole process is that in the end thats the most important thing!

MikesBride2B Posted: Jul 17, 2009 11:03 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

If that is what you and your FH want then that is what you should do. If she doesn't go to the RD the only person that's going to look stupid is her.

She is being a jerk. Don't you just hate family sometimes??

His future Mrs Posted: Jul 17, 2009 11:08 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

well with that being said lol do whatver you want girl!!! its YOUR day. do what works for you guys and dont let anyone spoil your time

Ivansgirl Posted: Jul 17, 2009 11:49 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

We hope to have ours the night before on thurs because quite a few members of our bridal party are from Out of town. If we can't do that sometime that week.

20mrsc10 Posted: Jul 18, 2009 12:03 AM

Re: rehearsal dinner

i wish i could have mine the night before-i think its a lot more convenient for the majority of those attending esp. if its a fri/sat..however since our rh normally doesnt do rehearsals before the day itself, and i insist upon having one, i have a feeling its going to be at a really awkward time on either wed or thurs..which im personally not too happy with/dont even know if it will work, because 2 of our gm live out of state (within driving distance but still, they would prob have to take off work on friday which i feel bad about)

JAAMS Posted: Jul 18, 2009 03:24 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

This is what we are doing: We are getting married in CT at the RH; no ONE is from CT. The RH does rehearsals during the week. However, we are NOT requesting that everyone in the BP driving up to CT one night during the week. FH & I will go and run through the rehearsal. We'll tell the BP- so they don't feel like we are leaving them out- however, we are going to make it clear that none of them have to attend.

Then the night before the wedding, we will all be up in CT so we'll have an RD there, and just give a kind of debriefing about the next day.

RackyMo21 Posted: Jul 18, 2009 03:36 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

what do you mean when you say OOT? jersey or florida..

my cousin had her RD the nite before and i had to get a room bc it was silly for me to drive to jersey (im in brooklyn) drive back home and then drive back the next morning.

if its locally OOT, i would change it (so not to please FMIL!!!!) but bc i ended up paying for a hotel 2 nites n it was kind of expensive added an extra 120.

if they are OOT like plane, long car rides then leave it for the nite before and totally avoid the conversation until she gets her RD invite...

stinenandy2010 Posted: Jul 18, 2009 05:04 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

Have you spoken to the church about what days they do rehearsals? My church does Mon-Thurs so the night b4 isn't an option and to be honest if it was, I probably wouldnt anyway. I can understand your fmil concerns, everyone will probably be nervous and doing last minute things. However, it might be nice to go to dinner and just relax the night before. I think it really depends on you since your the bride!

little j Posted: Jul 18, 2009 05:19 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

honestly, i know this might sound mean, but i really doubt she would NOT COME to the rehearsal dinner. she might not be happy bout it...but would she really NOT go with everyone else there asking where she is??

anyway,you asked what we were doing...

our wedding is saturday and i would LOVE a Friday RD (since there are some OOTers in the BP and readers). But our church told us they dont do rehearsal time on Fridays...so we will probably schedule it during the week.... not too happy about it, and I know not everyone will make it But what can you do.....

MrsH37 Posted: Jul 19, 2009 11:10 AM

Re: rehearsal dinner

Hey date twin! This is your day. If your FMIL won't come cause she needs to 'do her hair' then I think that is selfish. I would set the date and if she doesn't come then oh well. This is your wedding and like you said...you chose this day because of your out of town guests. I would hate to create a situation for everyone else cause FMIL wants her hair done.

I bet if you have it on Friday when you want she will show up. And if she doesn't you know that she is putting herself before you and her son's wedding....not good.

cavvento Posted: Jul 19, 2009 12:01 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

We're doing it the night before because we have several bridal party attendants from out of state and I want them there. Maybe if you explain specifically WHY to your FMIL, she will understand. Is there a FFIL in the picture? Maybe you can share your concerns with him and he can talk to his wife.

NewYorker09 Posted: Jul 19, 2009 12:09 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

I agree with most of the above, keep your RD when you want it. I'm also really curious as to what this woman HAS to do to her hair the night before the wedding? LOL, couldn't she maybe do her hair thing BEFORE the RD?

The only way she'd have any pull far as I'm concerned is if she's paying for it, but even so, she should be willing to honor your wishes. I'd have FH talk to her and explain how her hair would majorly inconvenience a lot of people. Point out how selfish and inconsiderate she's being. Good luck and I hope it all works out how you want!

castillo2010 Posted: Jul 19, 2009 12:17 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

to me personally it makes alot more sense to have the RD the night before so that everyone attending can have the routine still fresh in their heads for the wedding the following day, and so that anyone with any last minute questions or confusions can get it all cleared up since everyone would be at the RD... I guess FMIL is just trying to give u a taste of what life will be like after the wedding day ((welcome to the familly)) lol damn in-laws

RitasEngaged Posted: Jul 19, 2009 02:35 PM

Re: rehearsal dinner

I am getting married on sunday and will be having it on a friday - hopefully the church won't have a problem with this - the day before will be way to stressful for me