Hmmm...I know this is a touchy subject, but....the one person we really wanted to marry us will not do it unless he knows I'm a Christian (I'm Jewish) and for a few other personal reasons (he's never performed a marriage before). I've been feeling disconnected from my religious affiliation and dabbling in FI's church for the 1 1/2 years we've been together. I know it would probably break my fathers' and sisters' hearts if I converted, but I want to be happy. I don't want to compromise my wedding or my marriage for the sake of making my family happy. I know many of you will suggest an interfaith minister, but the point was to be married by someone that had some personal connection to my FI (since I've never practiced any religion in a temple). We didn't want to be married by a stranger. Anyway....can anyone provide some support? ANy of you convert? This is causing me much stress and I've been losing sleep and getting physically ill at points.
btrflygrl
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Re: religious dilemma
no one has any advice.... ...I knew it was a tough situation....
Donna
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I really don't have any advice since I'm not dealing with your situation. Is it possible to find an inter-faith minister now and just have you and your FI get to know so your ceremony will be somewhat personal. I don't think you should change your beliefs/religion though just to have a certain person marry you....
sandj100304
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You need to decide if you would be converting for you or to have this person marry you. That is a big decision and you need to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
btrflygrl
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I guess I didn't make it quite clear...that I'm interested in converting or at least practicing Christianity. I feel very 'at home' in his church and with the people there. I'd like feedback from girls that have converted and what grief did they get from families and how they dealt with it.
What-Now
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Perhaps if this person is telling you that he will not perform the ceremony unless you turn away from your family and your background, he isn't really the kind of person you want to bless your union on this very important day!
Someone very close to me converted to Catholicism. She is Jewish, even though she never practiced. It broke her parent's hearts! It really wasn't worth it and it certainly is very drastic and in a way a disturbing thing to do!
I think it' not that much about religion as much as your respect for your accestors who practiced these ways before you-including your parents! If this officiant is so strict in his ways, may be is is not the right person! Surely your FI, who obvliously loves you and accepts you the way you are, will understand!
This is JMHO and I wish you best of luck on whatever decision you make!
groovypeg
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Re: religious dilemma
Whatnow? Why is converting a 'disturbing thing to do'? Just curious :)
I converted from Catholicism to Judaism recently. It was the best decision that I have ever made. Not only that, but I had the support of my parents ( I know that I am very lucky in that respect). I also have to add that my family does not practice.
My FH is Jewish and we have been together for over 4 years. During that time I have celebrated with him and his family. He would have married me regardless, but I wanted to raise a Jewish family and I felt that to do so I needed to be Jewish. I wanted to experience everything as a Jewish person.
My conversion took 1 year to do and today I celebrated Yom Kippur as a Jewish person, and it meant so much more to me. My children will have a respect for other religions because I will teach them to be respectful.
The decision to convert is a difficult one. There are many resources available in bookstores. That is how I started out. My suggestion would be to meet with a priest or reverend to discuss your feelings with your FI.
Good luck to you. I know how hard this is. We finally picked my sponsoring rabbi to marry us. I felt like he helped me for the last year through a very tough time (classes every week for a year). I can understand wanting someone you know to marry you. If you have any questions please feel free to FM me, even if you just need to vent.
palebride
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i think this is something you should talk to your family about to see how they would feel, if you feel strongly, i would say do it becuse it seems to mean a lot to you. but it might not be worth it if it's going to cause pain in your family. but if they understand how important it is to you, then i would hope they would support you! it is a tough subject! good luck....
PrincessRose
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Re: religious dilemma
First of all, GroovyPeg - Mazel Tov on your conversion! I hope your fast today was an easy one!
Now, onto matters at hand.
As a Jew, I always get a little pang in my heart when I hear that someone is considering conversion.
That said, I have also always felt that religion is like a Mountain, with many different ways to the top. Everyone has got to find their own way. My Bridal Party consists of: 1 Jew 2 Catholics 1 Raised Catholic but now Born-Again 1 Non-Practicing daughter of a Jehovah's Witness 1 Protestant, but somewhat unaffiliated 1 Raised Protestant, now Pagan, and married to a Catholic (that was one cool wedding) And one Unaffiliated, but we joke that she's an honorary Jew.
And I love them all, and I'm happy that each of them has found THEIR way.
Your Dad and sister have (hopefully) already come to terms with your marrying a non-jew. It's not a huge leap from there to accept a conversion.
But you have to make this decision for yourself. Do you really feel that Christianity is what your soul has been looking for? Or are you only considering conversion to appease your FH and his pastor?
I highly suggest you do some of your OWN soul searching. Talk to a Rabbi and Minister who aren't already associated with you or your FH. This has to be about YOU and no one else.
Good Luck to you. I truly hope you find YOUR way.
Rachel
endlessluv429
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you have FM
Maribelle7777
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Have you approached your family with the subject?
I am Catholic so I am not very knowlegeable on the Jewish religion. But if you have never really practiced your religion (I assume your family doesn't either) then why would it hurt them so bad if you converted? You have a right to be happy.
ETA: I read some other posts and realize a bit more why it would upset your family (cultural values) so I can understand that.
I really don't know what to tell you except don't make any decisions to please anyone else (ie: and not listen to your heart). Do what you feel would be the best for you in the long run.
I hope it all works out
What-Now
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Groovypeg, FM!
groovypeg
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right back atcha!
Novembergirl
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I, too, get a pang in my heart hearing this. Yes, your famiily will be heartbroken because being Jewish is so much more than going to temple every week. I know someone else going through what you are feeling and have since done some research about the differences between Judaism and Christianity. Christianity definitely promises a lot of wonderful things if you only have faith! A great book to read is Judaism Versus Christianity by Trude Weiss-Romarin. You can get it on Amazon .com.
My guess is you are looking for some answers and your Future husband has a deep connection with his religion. I know Christians can quote the bible and seem to have all the answers. I urge you to talk to someone who knows about Judaism before you make any commitment.
In the end, I'm sure your family will accept your choice, but be prepared that it won't be easy for them to understand if you do decide to convert.
