Removing a Bridesmaid-

I know we debate this bck and forth -someone just sent this to me and I thought you guys would enjoy


Dear Miss Manners,

What's the politest way to kick someone out of your wedding party who has repeatedly not held up her end of the 'deal'?

Gentle Reader,

What was the deal?

If it was that your friend must accept the honor of waiting on you hand and foot while surrendering control over her own time and money and wardrobe, it was an illegitimate deal. Those terms exist only in the minds of brides who have worked themselves into a state of self-inflation that has rendered them thoughtless toward their own closest friends. Miss Manners is not going to help you fire a friend for refusing to turn into an indentured servant.

However, if your bridesmaid has been telling you that you can do better than marrying the gentleman in question and that she hopes to make it to the wedding but can't promise, it is she who has broken the deal. In that case, you could say, 'I don't think you realized what you were getting into when you kindly took this on, and I can see it's becoming a burden to you. You know how dear you are to me, and I'd be just as happy to have you at the wedding without your having to go through all the business of being a bridesmaid.'

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i agree with Miss Manners a little bit. I think thru wedding plans...many brides-to-be get all upset over little things, and usually some of the easiest people to turn against are the bridal party itself!! A lot of times we want to get something done early and 'out of the way' like measurements for a dress, or shoe selections...and can't understand why a BM can't completely change their schedule to accomodate us! It happens to even the nicest of brides, and sometimes we forget that while our wedding is the #1 priority for us...it's not #1 for our BP.

I realize that my girls have lives, jobs, and even some have kids, and I have to respect that. I'm sure that when it comes time to do the dresses, fittings, alterations, etc. that they won't be able to do it, when I ask, and will probably procrastinate a little. For them it will be within a correct time limit, but to me, I'll freak out cause that's what us brides sometimes do!! LOL

This particular bride did not state what the 'deal' was with her BM, but if it's because she didn't do things according to the bride's timeline...I agree with Miss Manners. If it was something drastic like she was responsible for arranging the shower and screwed it up royally or said she'd handle limos for the bride and forgot to book and it's a week before the wedding..then she should be let go.

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Posted by MJDoc12

i agree with Miss Manners a little bit. I think thru wedding plans...many brides-to-be get all upset over little things, and usually some of the easiest people to turn against are the bridal party itself!! A lot of times we want to get something done early and 'out of the way' like measurements for a dress, or shoe selections...and can't understand why a BM can't completely change their schedule to accomodate us! It happens to even the nicest of brides, and sometimes we forget that while our wedding is the #1 priority for us...it's not #1 for our BP.

I realize that my girls have lives, jobs, and even some have kids, and I have to respect that. I'm sure that when it comes time to do the dresses, fittings, alterations, etc. that they won't be able to do it, when I ask, and will probably procrastinate a little. For the it will be within a correct time limit, but to me, I'll freak out cause that's what us brides sometimes do!! LOL

This particular bride did not state what the 'deal' was with her BM, but if it's because she didn't do things according to the bride's timeline...I agree with Miss Manners. If it was something drastic like she was responsible for arranging the shower and screwed it up royally or said she'd handle limos for the bride and forgot to book and it's a week before the wedding..then she should be let go.

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Here! Here! Well said!

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Posted by Mrs. Powell

I agree with Ms Manners. I think alot of Brides have this attitude that is their day and that is that. They get all carried away and worked up over minor stuff that is not too necessary. It is your day but it does not gives you the right to be rude and petty.

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I agree 100%!

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Posted by tracy2246

Miss Manners is not going to help you fire a friend for refusing to turn into an indentured servant.

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I don't agree with everything that comes from Miss Manners - however on this topic I always reference her.