repost from newlywed board sorry of long... very upset with brand new SIL.. need advice

Okay.. I have got a PROBLEM... BRAND NEW SIL Prob

Just got back from new SIL wedding. Kind of upset..... SIL and I have gotten very close over the past year. we talk all the time and see each other a lot. I helped her out more then her own BP , did her wedding errands, dropped off deposits, bought her her garter, took her for her BP gifts, her invitations, her flowers, etc. I even got her some religious items for the ceromony... fast forward to today.. mind u I was not in the BP , I wanted to be a guest. her own BP did nothing but throw her the shower.... Okay... I went to work at 7AM and then was all over the place got my hair and make up done... it was a night wedding. After the ceremony, the BP was taking pics, I was standing with my 2 other SIL and we did not know of we should go to the cocktail hour or wait for a family photo, we asked no one knew what to tell us, I waited a few minutes, and asked my MIL what we should do she asked photographer if we should go to cocktail hour and he said if he needed us he will sent for us, bride turned around and said I was being nasty and I was NOT... I was dealing with one SIL who is a b itch, and I am a very soft spoken person. fast forward to the wedding reception.... I danced a little bit and my back was hurting me and socialized a little and then sat down at the table, I was up almost 21 hours straightby then... on the way out she started to fight with me that I was nasty at the pictures , and that I was unsupportive of her!!!!! Then she says I should not be complaining at my BIL wedding I am tired what is the matter I did not have a life and never went out to clubs growing up?! hello... I went out but not till all hours of the night, it was not my thing nor my freinds thing we hung out at houses, dinners , movies etc. I am SO HURT by this and do not know what to do, my BIL says she had too much to drink , but to me she did not seem drunk at all. What do I do? She has been my SIL for less then 24 hours... I am dumb struck and hurt.
Message edited 10/8/2005 3:29:36 AM.

10/8/05 3:25:41 AM

****ETA- they never took a family picture with all of the SIL and family, to me this was a slap in the face.....****

im so sorry to hear that she was so rude.
i am sure it was a stressful day and she probably had too much to drink. i am sure you will get an apology soon from her.

sometimes on stressful days you have pent up anger and take it out on the wrong person. im not saying she is right but give her time to apoligize. i guarantee she woke up and felt like sh!t.

if she doesnt apologize, you should take her aside when you see her and tell her that you have been upset with the way she treated you and ask her why she spoke to you like that.

with this situation you guys need to clear the air, because she will be your SIL for life.

hope it works out! and for the record, you did not deserve to be spoken to like that!

I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Personally I would wait it out until you hear from her. Then I would expect an apology of some sort.

My new SIL is trying to act like nothing is wrong. It is so awkward for me. I am trying to just lay low and let her do all the calling etc. I am still very UPSET and HURT. they levve for there HM in a few weeks. I have since compiled a letter telling her how hurt I am. I felt better after I wrote it , but did not mail it yet....
For the hoildays I am giving my MIL a family pic from my wedding with her in the pic when she was a girlfriend and everytime she walks into the house and sees it she is reminded of what she did.
I am still so angry , and upset.
You are all so nice to be checking up on me.. thank you.................

Do not, under any circumstance, mail that letter!!! It will come back to bite you.
My aunt wrote my mother a nasty letter about 15 years ago. My parents weren't able to attend their daughters wedding because it was a random Saturday, it was in Arizona, and my parents couldn't get off work. My aunt wrote this horrendous letter to my mom, saying how horrible my parents were to not fly to Arizona for 2 days. They eventually made up, but my mother still has that letter.
Low and behold, my aunt and uncle responded yes to my wedding and a week before they told us they couldn't make it. My mom hasn't spoken to her since.
So point of my story, tell your SIL how you feel, but DO NOT send it in writing.

tell your husband how you feel.
he should take her aside.

let him handle it

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Posted by nferrandi

Do not, under any circumstance, mail that letter!!! It will come back to bite you.
My aunt wrote my mother a nasty letter about 15 years ago. My parents weren't able to attend their daughters wedding because it was a random Saturday, it was in Arizona, and my parents couldn't get off work. My aunt wrote this horrendous letter to my mom, saying how horrible my parents were to not fly to Arizona for 2 days. They eventually made up, but my mother still has that letter.
Low and behold, my aunt and uncle responded yes to my wedding and a week before they told us they couldn't make it. My mom hasn't spoken to her since.
So point of my story, tell your SIL how you feel, but DO NOT send it in writing.

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This is why I have not mailed it....

I don't agree with not mailing it because sometimes people write things out better than they would say them! I know I am one of those people.

Some people sound too angry or too upset!

So sorry that your feelings are hurt and you are upset-I would be feeling the same way.
I think that you should just wait it out and see what happens the next time you see her. If she acts friendly and as if not happened I would pull her aside and tell her that the things she said to you were really upsetting and it wasnt fair for her to jump on you like that. See what happens from there. She most likely was stressed and her nerves were on high mode-so maybe she will apologize.

for you!