RSVP protocol or whatever.. Question (sort of long)

This is going to sound silly, but how can I politely convince my family & friends to RSVP.

I saw someone here post 'If they're married, how can they not know to RSVP' .. well, in part because where I grew up, no one RSVP'ed.

You getting married? Oh how nice, I'm invited! Either they show up or they don't. There were no table assignments. No place cards or table charts. Seat open? Take it.

This whole headcount thing is bothersome for me. I have a min requirement of 100 people and I figure thats way more than I can come up with so if I don't get 'RSVP's then who cares? But now I find the hall cares. Frankly that bothers me. If I'm paying for 100 meals, put out the food and shut up. Why do they care? I've been to several business events where empty chairs have the salad sitting there until dessert.

Im so confused!

Get the word out to family and friends that you need to get an actual Yes or No from them ASAP. Phone or email them...it's the only way I can think of.

Now, about your hall...do you mean that they must see 100 bodies there? How would they ever know that you're really not going to have 100 live people there, although you'll be paying for 100. What are they going to do? Kick you out of there on the wedding day?

No the hall is more than happy if less than 100 bodies show up..

My question is what is the purpose of RSVP? To find how out how many mouths to feed for a lack of a glamorous way to say it.

So if I KNOW FOR A FACT I'll have less than 100 people at my wedding why do I need RSVP?

Why can't the hall just serve 100? Empty seats and all?

Oh, ok...now I got you. Hmmm...well I think you sort of answered your own question that in this case, there is no reason for an RSVP because you're going to be paying for 100 regardless of how many people there are.

I don't know if on the day of your wedding they'll do this...but I'm just figuring that once it's time to take dinner orders, they'll just go around to all the tables and just feed however many people there are. I don't think they're going to put plates out for empty seats.

If I'm not helping you out in any way, just tell me to shut up!!!

It sounds like you are going to have to call these people to find out if they are coming.

I think for staffing reasons they need to know how many people are there. If you are below the minimum you may be able to negotiate some upgrades that would benefit the people that are there.

it seems to me that if you tell them 100, then there will be 100 place settings and everything will be okay. i mean, if that is your minimum anyway than it shouldn't matter to them if there are actually 100 people there or not. just tell 'em 100...they aren't going to be counting...well, i don't think they will anyway.

You can either
a) put on the bottom corner of the invitation
'please kindly respond by _____ (the date)'

or include a rsvp card with envelope. That is the norm here in the metro NY area.

I would get the word out too to relatives that because your hall needs to know headcount no matter if it is below or above the minimum and therefore you would appreciate it if they can follow your rsvp instructions or let you know otherwise they will be coming or not.


In a way it makes sense for the hall to know how much food to prepare. If your minimum is 100 but in reality you will only have 90 people, you might be OK with paying for 100 (are you? I cannot tell by your post), the hall probably would not want to waste the time cooking food for 100 people if they know they only have to do it for 90.

Too bad there is nothing where a hall will charge a fee (a percent of the per plate cost) if you know ahead of time you cannot guarantee the minimum. That way you will not have to pay full price of a meal of guests you know you won't be having.

I think they're charging us for a full 100 period. Even if we're under 100. Im so confident that we (FH & I) are so low on the list of priorities of family and friends that I am thinking of negotiating with the hall that vendor meals are free (hell, give them the unused food) but not sure I'll get away with that!

We love the hall, it really fits our needs. Less than 100 will NOT seem too spacious or empty. It's quaint and really warm. The issue is my family is in Iowa & Texas. My mother's family is in Texas and other various states. His family is in China, England, California & New York. Best man is in Nebraska, Maid of Honor is in Texas. I just don't think enough will show up.

I am sure you are not low on the priority list of all those people! They can surprise you! We had quite a few!

You could send out a save the date letters so they know about everything far enough in advance to plan to be here for you and DH and to also explain that you really need an rsvp when the time comes.

SMCC is a wonderfully warm place and we loved it. I have to tell you they were real sticklers about the final head count, etc. If you are below the minimum, they will include your vendors in the head count at full price.

I agree less then 100 people will be fine there since they have that alcove that can be left cleared. But I think if they serve up plates at empty tables it would look silly and wasteful - you could ask them to offer seconds to your guests.