sad. need help w/ how to respond.

Ladies, i need your advice with this one.

I have a friend from college who was originally a BM, but had to back out of the BP due to some health issues (a concussion) and financial constraints. This was more than 6 months ago.

When she called me to back out, she told me that she still loves me and hopes I understand, and she will definitely be there to celebrate at our wedding.

Fast forward to this week, I had sent her a quick email checking in on her since we hadn't spoken in a while. She lives in Massachusetts, so its not like we can get together for coffee or anything like that.

She replied with a bunch of stuff about what she's been up to, and then this:

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you are going to kill me! i found out we have a work retreat the weekend of your wedding!!!! i am going to try and get out of it! everyone is going... i don't want to and want to be in new york with you! i will keep you posted. i did mention it to my boss that i have plans that weekend - hopefully they will make the work thing another weekend!

i am going to try and call you next weekend - we need to talk on the phone. this e-mail is so negative and i am sorry. really i am hanging in there okay!

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I know work is work, and is important. But I just feel really sad that she may not even be able to be AT our wedding ... she was supposed to be a BRIDESMAID!

Help me girls ... I don't know how to respond to her at this point?!?!!!

it is really sad - sometimes people can't get out of things, it seems to me like she is being honest about it. It seems like she going to do what she can to get out of it. And it hink on a positive note, she siad she would call you about it, shes not just trying to email you and make excuses.

talk to her, see how she sounds on the phone. I'm sure she will do what she can to be there.

GL

my best friend from college (who would have been a BM if I didnt want to keep it small...) can't come to my wedding.

Im heartbroken, but it is what it is...

you will be surrounded by loved ones regardless... please dont take offense to her not coming.

that stinks... but she does sound sincere about wanting to be at your wedding and not at this work retreat. I would respond and say that you still really want her to be at the wedding but that you will understand if she can't get out of it. and let her know that it's important to you that she be at the wedding. i think that's ok for you to say. but you also don't want to put her on a guilt trip. so just measure your words. maybe give her a call too instead of emailing back? might be easier for you to express your feelings. emails are tough as people can misread tone very easily.

i don't envy you in this task!! good luck!

I have the same situation with my best friend from law school, who was also supposed to be in my wedding. Since we have a short engagement (6 months), she was unable to take off of work due to being moved into a new bureau with more trial work and she took her vacation time before she knew about the wedding. I was, like you, really sad, and people told me that I shouldn't go to her wedding next November.

However, this is what I respond and what I feel is true. She, as your friend, is your friend, and they showed that they are true friends (unlike some of the other friends that we hear about in posts) by being completely honest and telling the truth (how many posts do we see daily about 'friends' who make up what are obvious BS excuses and only when put on the spot!).

This is a crappy situation, and I know I too will miss my BF from law school on my day, just like you will miss your colleague on yours. To her credit, she is trying to make it, but sometimes life intervenes. Just remember, she obviously loves and cares about you because she was up front! I am with you Jess

Unfortunately life gets in the way of the things that are important to us. I agree with the other ladies, she does seem sincere and it doesnt seem like an excuse, especially since she wants to talk about it-that is the first clue to me that she is sincere.
I would just tell her that you really hope that she can be there and if not you will miss her! That is really all that you can do right now

Thank you to all of those who responded with advice and . Sometimes it is really hard to remember that our weddings are not the most important events in other people's lives.

It is hard to imagine my wedding day with out this friend by my side, even though I know I will be surrounded by so many other people who love us so much.

And I agree with those of you who said her email is sincere and honest, not just a BS excuse.

I still really hope something will change and she will be able to make it to NY for the wedding, but your responses definitely helped me put it all in perspective.