Scenario and question of the day...i want all opinions-a bit long sorry

This weekend we went to my cousins wedding (his second marriage, his wife's first) which was in Washington DC. They rented out an amazing museum...i will post pics in a few. Now here's the story...he married a girl who is from Afghanistan (no this is not the issue) but it is definitely two cultures coming together (we are Italian). Now his parents are both deceased and his brothers and their children attended the wedding plus me, Dh, my parents and a few other cousins. I have a huge family but there were a multitude of reasons many of them couldnt go. For some of them it is because they do not approve because my cousin is completely changing his religion. Now my parents and my immediate family believe if he's happy, that's all that matters. There were over 300 people at the wedding with half being American. There was NOTHING American at the wedding. Not the music and there was nothing food wise at all that was American. Even the alcohol was really weird. In her family's culture they do not drink. They had one basic bottle of each alcohol and when it ran out it ran out that was it. Now the issue: many American guests were insulted at the wedding (i wasnt one of them) but even the groom's brother and his family stormed out because they were in disbelief that the groom did not think of accommodating any of his American guests. Like i said the servers could not tell us what they were serving because they did not work with the catering company, there wasnt even a piece of bread on the table. If you are or were in this situation or if you have been to an event of two cultures merging, i want to get some information meaning did you accommodate your guests?

Edit for spelling

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Posted by Mici n KC

It sounds like since this was her first wedding he let it focus more on her culture. Just FYI you wrote diseased and I think you meant deceased!

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Ugh friggin spell check...thank you

I am having a multi-cultural wedding. I am indian, FH is Irish. Irish people are 'meat and potatoes' kind of people and Indian people are mainly vegetarian... quite the dilemma!

We compromised in that we decided not to have any beef (a huge no-no in Hindu religion) but we are having lamb, fish, chicken and lots of veggie options.

Perhaps your cousin did not see the wedding as a merger of two cultures, but just one - his and his wife's culture (well, his new one since he is converting). While I think it's nice to accommodate your guests dietary restrictions, storming out of a wedding because of it's not 'american enough' is a little odd, in my opinion.

In most weddings, the bride usually gets her way. Maybe your cousin just let her have things her way?

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Posted by pa56

I am having a multi-cultural wedding. I am indian, FH is Irish. Irish people are 'meat and potatoes' kind of people and Indian people are mainly vegetarian... quite the dilemma!

We compromised in that we decided not to have any beef (a huge no-no in Hindu religion) but we are having lamb, fish, chicken and lots of veggie options.

Perhaps your cousin did not see the wedding as a merger of two cultures, but just one - his and his wife's culture (well, his new one since he is converting). While I think it's nice to accommodate your guests dietary restrictions, storming out of a wedding because of it's not 'american enough' is a little odd, in my opinion.

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I agree he shouldnt have stormed out. The wedding started at 8 pm and it was after 11 and no food of any sort was served. The thing that got me is that they spent $50,000 to rent out the museum. You would think they would have brought in a second caterer to even serve a pasta or something that is more familiar to the Americans being that they made up 50% of the guests. So that it wouldnt interefere with her religious beliefs but that the other guests would have been accomodated.

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Posted by JoesFutureWife
I agree he shouldnt have stormed out. The wedding started at 8 pm and it was after 11 and no food of any sort was served. The thing that got me is that they spent $50,000 to rent out the museum. You would think they would have brought in a second caterer to even serve a pasta or something that is more familiar to the Americans being that they made up 50% of the guests. So that it wouldnt interefere with her religious beliefs but that the other guests would have been accomodated.

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This is the reason we are having one fish dish at our wedding. We are having tons of indian food (vegetarian and meat) and then one fish dish and some salad for those not fans of indian food.

I'm thinking that they probably didn't intentionally leave out the american side, but probably wanted as authentic a wedding as possible. My grandmother was a little taken aback when we told her we having meat at the reception. I can understand her issue but we really needed to accommodate the other guests.

I'm so torn because part of me feels that a bride and groom should really do what they want on their wedding day, and throw the wedding they want, and who cares about everyone else. You can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself.

However, based upon the situation you were in, as a guest I would probably be thinking hey, why didn't they bother to do some accomodating for the American people. I'm not sure how the gift giving works in other cultures, but I'm sure many of the American guests went to this wedding thinking it'd be like every other wedding, and giving a monetary gift accordingly. Now, if the culture does things differently with gifts - like maybe they don't give one, or maybe people buy something rather than giving money, I could see guests getting mad. Let's face it, many people give gifts trying to cover their plate and give a little extra. So from a guest's view, I can see them getting annoyed if they put a large amount in an envelope, but then the wedding was nothing like the big weddings we're used to. I'm not saying this is a proper reaction, but I'm just saying, I could see this happening.

Maybe it would've been better if the guy gave people a head's up that he wasn't doing an American wedding, just so people went in not expecting this big huge wedding. And so maybe they also could've eaten something before going considering they didn't even have bread, hahaha.

If it was me marrying another culture, I probably would've tried to blend the 2 cultures the best I could, but again that's just my opinion on what I would've done for my wedding.

Oh but I wanted to add, I don't think it's right to storm out just because you don't like how someone decided to throw the wedding.

They should've just done what most people do when they go to a wedding they didn't like - you tell the bride and groom you had a great time, and then you talk about how horrible the wedding really was behind their backs, hahaha.

I am not planning a multicultural wedding but I did attend a wedding where the bride was spanish and the groom chinese. While the ceremony was in spanish the reception was at a Chinese restaurant with all the chinese traditions -- and then a spanish band.

Then for some of the chinese food delicacy more common foods were served for the american and spanish guests since most of us would not have eaten the other dishes (shark was one of them!)

My point -- it was done fairly with all guests kept in mind. So no I do not think it was fair of him to not try to accommodate his guests at all.

ETA: I didn't take what you wrote about his brother storming out as him being upset that there was no food (although I am sure he was) but I took it more as him being disspointed in his brother for not thinking of his own guests. I feel like the food was the last straw and other emotions came out. Right no but sometimes it is the littlest thing that sets off other emotions.

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Posted by MKEA98

I'm so torn because part of me feels that a bride and groom should really do what they want on their wedding day, and throw the wedding they want, and who cares about everyone else. You can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself.

However, based upon the situation you were in, as a guest I would probably be thinking hey, why didn't they bother to do some accomodating for the American people. I'm not sure how the gift giving works in other cultures, but I'm sure many of the American guests went to this wedding thinking it'd be like every other wedding, and giving a monetary gift accordingly. Now, if the culture does things differently with gifts - like maybe they don't give one, or maybe people buy something rather than giving money, I could see guests getting mad. Let's face it, many people give gifts trying to cover their plate and give a little extra. So from a guest's view, I can see them getting annoyed if they put a large amount in an envelope, but then the wedding was nothing like the big weddings we're used to. I'm not saying this is a proper reaction, but I'm just saying, I could see this happening.

Maybe it would've been better if the guy gave people a head's up that he wasn't doing an American wedding, just so people went in not expecting this big huge wedding. And so maybe they also could've eaten something before going considering they didn't even have bread, hahaha.

If it was me marrying another culture, I probably would've tried to blend the 2 cultures the best I could, but again that's just my opinion on what I would've done for my wedding.

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This may come out very wrong but i just think they would have known better. What i mean by this is: you have 300 people coming....150 are american 150 are Afghans. To me i would say we need to accomodate both people. They should have done two separate caterers and given people the choice. He is 48 years old and she is in her late 30s and they are both professionals so they really should have been more aware.

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Posted by MKEA98

Oh but I wanted to add, I don't think it's right to storm out just because you don't like how someone decided to throw the wedding.

They should've just done what most people do when they go to a wedding they didn't like - you tell the bride and groom you had a great time, and then you talk about how horrible the wedding really was behind their backs, hahaha.

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There was a little bit more to why they stormed out. His two year old niece was yelled at by someone in the brides family cause the kid was dancing by herself being a kid and they didnt think it was appropriate because there was some kind of traditional dance going on. My point is unless you are from that culture, or speak the language, how are you supposed to know its a special dance? The musicians were not speaking in English so the little girl was dancing cause she saw others dancing and well she got yelled at.

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Posted by anneandchris

I am not planning a multicultural wedding but I did attend a wedding where the bride was spanish and the groom chinese. While the ceremony was in spanish the reception was at a Chinese restaurant with all the chinese traditions -- and then a spanish band.

Then for some of the chinese food delicacy more common foods were served for the american and spanish guests since most of us would not have eaten the other dishes (shark was one of them!)

My point -- it was done fairly with all guests kept in mind. So no I do not think it was fair of him to not try to accommodate his guests at all.

ETA: I didn't take what you wrote about his brother storming out as him being upset that there was no food (although I am sure he was) but I took it more as him being disspointed in his brother for not thinking of his own guests. I feel like the food was the last straw and other emotions came out. Right no but sometimes it is the littlest thing that sets off other emotions.

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You hit the nail on the head!!

My Wedding is the merger of Irish/Polish & Greek. The wedding will be mainly Greek. We are serving the food the hall has..not bringing in anything special. Although we did hire a Greek Dj.
My Family does have some issues when i discuss with them what is going on...but they can't say much because we will raise our kids orthodox when the time comes.
I just wanted them to know whats going on.
I hope they accept it.

Sorry your wedding didn't work out the same way.

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Posted by Kricket212

My Wedding is the merger of Irish/Polish & Greek. The wedding will be mainly Greek. We are serving the food the hall has..not bringing in anything special. Although we did hire a Greek Dj.
My Family does have some issues when i discuss with them what is going on...but they can't say much because we will raise our kids orthodox when the time comes.
I just wanted them to know whats going on.
I hope they accept it.

Sorry your wedding didn't work out the same way.

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LOL my wedding worked out just fine...i was just surprised with my cousin.

I agree that although it is the bride and groom's day, they should think of their guests. I don't think your brother should have stormed out but it sounds like it was the last straw. If half of the guests were American, then something American should have been served to accomodate them. In my eyes it is a little insulting to the American guests that nothing of their culture was there for them. I would have felt the same way....but I do honestly feel that it was also up to your cousin to speak up for his side of the family, and he didn't. I apologize if this sounds harsh...it's just my honest opinion.

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Posted by sophisticat13

I agree that although it is the bride and groom's day, they should think of their guests. I don't think your brother should have stormed out but it sounds like it was the last straw. If half of the guests were American, then something American should have been served to accomodate them. In my eyes it is a little insulting to the American guests that nothing of their culture was there for them. I would have felt the same way....but I do honestly feel that it was also up to your cousin to speak up for his side of the family, and he didn't. I apologize if this sounds harsh...it's just my honest opinion.

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It wasnt my brother, it was the groom's brother (my cousin). It definitely was up to him to think of us...thats why a lot fo people are offended.