Just curious if any of you have ever, even for a nanosecond, had second thoughts about getting married?
I did recently and felt like crap because of it. I wasn't being serious it was just one of those What if...? moments.
Am I alone here?
johnsae
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Re: Second thoughts?
no I've asked myself that question...and yes, I feel guilty too for even thinking it, but we're only human to wonder.
Preshy7
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Re: Second thoughts?
who hasnt? its a HUUUGE step...you are giving up your life as a single person...you wonder if this is the right person for you...i think we all go through it..
i just hope that you do realize why you are marrying this person and why you said 'yes'...those feelings do not come but once in a lifetime and hopefully you are secure in your decision
july06bride
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Re: Second thoughts?
Yes and I think it is natural to wonder- to make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. It shouldnt be gone into without thought...so yes, I have, but I know why I fell in love with Fh- I know his faults and accept them...he knows mine and accepts mine...I know my life would never be the same without him in it, and for that I know he is the one!
Goldi1021
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Member since
Re: Second thoughts?
I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.
DA77
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Re: Second thoughts?
That's beautiful, Leslie. I've come to learn that you always contribute something so meaningful!
VadersBride2006
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Re: Second thoughts?
All the time!!! But then I look at our beautiful children, or FH will do something sweet or silly and all the fears and doubt just slip away...
beautyq115
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Re: Second thoughts?
Posted by DA77
That's beautiful, Leslie. I've come to learn that you always contribute something so meaningful!
Totally agree
Happybride2005
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Re: Second thoughts?
Posted by Goldi1021
I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.[/QUOT
that was beaiutiful
summer06bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Second thoughts?
Posted by Goldi1021
I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.
Well said!
kittythestray
Posted:
Member since
Re: Second thoughts?
Posted by Goldi1021
I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.
Well said! I want to add, no matter what, make sure you really LIKE this person. Not that you have a great physical relationship or think they're gorgeous, or think they're fun to go out with but deep down LIKE and admire this person and their beliefs and can talk to them. I think as people age we change, but our ideals rarely do, so you should make sure if there are things that are really important to you (like how you spend money, children, religion, families...) that you agree on them. Take it from an 'older' bride YOU WILL NEVER, EVER change this person you are marrying, so you better love him EXACTLY as he is! As for me, I did not ever question it, and I think it was because I was older. I have been in 2 very long term relationships and I recognize although my FH is not perfect, he's perfect for ME and I would not change one thing about him.
Kris516
Posted:
Member since
Re: Second thoughts?
Posted by kittythestray
Posted by Goldi1021
I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.
Well said! I want to add, no matter what, make sure you really LIKE this person. Not that you have a great physical relationship or think they're gorgeous, or think they're fun to go out with but deep down LIKE and admire this person and their beliefs and can talk to them. I think as people age we change, but our ideals rarely do, so you should make sure if there are things that are really important to you (like how you spend money, children, religion, families...) that you agree on them. Take it from an 'older' bride YOU WILL NEVER, EVER change this person you are marrying, so you better love him EXACTLY as he is! As for me, I did not ever question it, and I think it was because I was older. I have been in 2 very long term relationships and I recognize although my FH is not perfect, he's perfect for ME and I would not change one thing about him.
Well said!!!
Lori0517
Posted:
Member since
Re: Second thoughts?
Posted by Kris516
Posted by kittythestray
Posted by Goldi1021
I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.
Well said! I want to add, no matter what, make sure you really LIKE this person. Not that you have a great physical relationship or think they're gorgeous, or think they're fun to go out with but deep down LIKE and admire this person and their beliefs and can talk to them. I think as people age we change, but our ideals rarely do, so you should make sure if there are things that are really important to you (like how you spend money, children, religion, families...) that you agree on them. Take it from an 'older' bride YOU WILL NEVER, EVER change this person you are marrying, so you better love him EXACTLY as he is! As for me, I did not ever question it, and I think it was because I was older. I have been in 2 very long term relationships and I recognize although my FH is not perfect, he's perfect for ME and I would not change one thing about him.
Well said!!!
I agree very welll said. You have to really look at that person like they are the end all be all. Second thoughts are natural, but remember you have to look at that person like their is no other, no matter who or what walks by. If you dont then really think about your decisio.
