Okay, I feel a little wierd posting my personal stuff but I'm really confused and need some input from people that are completely neutral...my parents divorced when I was young (about 7yrs old) and my father moved out of state. I didn't see him or hear from him again until I was approximately 16. It is only in recent years that we are developing any time of a relationship and there are things that will NEVER be the way they should between a father and daughter.
Here's my confusion; I really want my mother and older brother to walk me down the aisle. We met with the Pastor today and he doesn't think it's a good idea, he thinks that since I now have some type of relationship w/my father that he and my mother should do it. I'm not sure what to do, my mother and brother have been the ones that have been there for me my entire life, I really feel they are the ones that should walk be down on one of the most important days of my life. I would rather find other things for my father to do w/the wedding, like readings or something like that. I feel it would be a huge slap in my mom's face to have my father walk me with her. Please give your honest opinions. Thanks!
KarAnthony
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
I totally disagree with your pastor. My parents are both walking me down the aisle because they both raised me. I agree, it would be a huge slap in your Mom's face to have both of them walk you down. That is an extrememly important job, and in my opinion should be reserved for the person(s) that were there for you through everything.
HTH, JMO
wendy1220
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Thank you soooooo much, that is exactly how I feel and after talking with him today I got really confused. I think if my father thinks about things and he's a reasonable person, he'll understand why he isn't walking me down. Thanks again!
KarAnthony
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Posted by wendy1220
Thank you soooooo much, that is exactly how I feel and after talking with him today I got really confused. I think if my father thinks about things and he's a reasonable person, he'll understand why he isn't walking me down. Thanks again!
No problem, I hope I didn't offend you, but I can honestly say that I feel he has no choice in the matter and should not be offended, he should feel honored to be part of your day.
cjb88
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Posted by KarAnthony
I totally disagree with your pastor. My parents are both walking me down the aisle because they both raised me. I agree, it would be a huge slap in your Mom's face to have both of them walk you down. That is an extrememly important job, and in my opinion should be reserved for the person(s) that were there for you through everything.
HTH, JMO
i agree!
MrsStefan
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
IMO, I TOTALLY disagree with your pastor. I feel that you should have your brother and mother do it because they have been a constant source of support and love in your life. While you are developing a relationship with your father, he might still have to 'earn' the right to walk his daughter down the asile...maybe he wont' 'earn' that by the time of your wedding. instead, consider having him incorporated into yourservice if you would like, or into your reception. It sounds to me like you have already made up your mind. Maybe your pastor wants things done more traditionally, but things dont HAVE to be done that way. Do what makes YOU happy!
beautyq115
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
I don't think its really any of your Pastors business who walks you down the aisle. If you want your mother and your brother than that is your decision!
xcalystax
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Who walks you down the aisle is you decision! Do what feels right in your heart. From your post it sounds like you already know what that is.
johnsae
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
ignore the Pastor - it's not his decision
EmberLynn
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
I would tell that pastor to MHOB. Sorry. Someone gave me a hard time because my FH refuses to do a mother son dance, and I refuse to do the same with my dad nor will I let him walk me down the aisle. You have a good reason to feel how you feel. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I didn't talk to my dad from the ages of 17 until 24. Hes greatful hes invited. My kid brother jake is walking me down the aisle. I'm inviting a teacher I had in Jr. High to the wedding and I plan on asking him to dance with me to the song 'daughter.' You do what you want. If your pastor gives you a hard time, find a new one.
Mrs. Powell
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
IMHO your Pastor does not have the right to tell you such a thing. Do whatever makes you happy.
cmastro25
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
I also disagree with your pastor. If anything, you should look at the symbolic nature of the person who is walking you down the aisle. Since your mom and bro have been there for you your whole life and your father hasn't, they have every right to 'give you away' and your father hasn't really earned that right. If you want to involve him in other ways, that is your decision. But it is your wedding and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't want your dad to walk you down the aisle, then don't do it. It's going to stress you out more on your special day if you are being forced into something as big as that.
This is just my honest opinion. Hope it helps a bit.
wendy1220
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Thank you so much ladies. FH and I talked this over during dinner and I feel much better. It seems you all see this the way I do which helped reinforce to me that this is the right thing for me to do. I'm going to call the Pastor on Monday and discuss it furthe with him. Thanks again!
wendy1220
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Posted by cmastro25
I also disagree with your pastor. If anything, you should look at the symbolic nature of the person who is walking you down the aisle. Since your mom and bro have been there for you your whole life and your father hasn't, they have every right to 'give you away' and your father hasn't really earned that right. If you want to involve him in other ways, that is your decision. But it is your wedding and you have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you don't want your dad to walk you down the aisle, then don't do it. It's going to stress you out more on your special day if you are being forced into something as big as that.
This is just my honest opinion. Hope it helps a bit.
You have expressed exactly what I'm feeling. It is very symbolic and no, I do not feel that he has earned that right. My mom and my brother are the most important people in my life (aside from FH) and have been there through everything with me; it is only fitting that they 'give me away'.
MrsH1156
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
I disagree with your pastor. It is not for him to tell you who should walk you down the aisle. It should be whomever YOU feel it should be. JMHO.
RadioLau
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
I disagree with the pastor too. It is your day and you need to do what makes you comfortable. You could still do a father daughter dance to include him in your day and make sure you know he is important to you.
missgwife
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
Posted by MrsStefan
IMO, I TOTALLY disagree with your pastor. I feel that you should have your brother and mother do it because they have been a constant source of support and love in your life. While you are developing a relationship with your father, he might still have to 'earn' the right to walk his daughter down the asile...maybe he wont' 'earn' that by the time of your wedding. instead, consider having him incorporated into yourservice if you would like, or into your reception. It sounds to me like you have already made up your mind. Maybe your pastor wants things done more traditionally, but things dont HAVE to be done that way. Do what makes YOU happy!
Totally agree. He had know right to make you feel like you owe your dad that important task.
metmymatch
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
screw what the pastor thinks. it's your wedding and your relationships. you know who's closest to you. from my experience, most people want weddings to be 'traditional' and any break from that is looked down upon. my guess is that your pastor wants to stick with tradition so as to not create a stir AND/or because it's easier. if you feel it's more appropriate for your brother & mother to walk you down the aisle than that's how it should be.
just tell your pastor that you appreciate his input, you thought long & hard about it, and you know in your heart that your mom & brother should walk you down the aisle. you realize the importance of acknowledging your 'new' relationship with your father so you will find other ways for him to be involved.
if anyone gives you pushback, just tell them that your mother & brother were the ones who raised you (not your father) and they deserve the proper respect. that should shut up anyone who has differing opinions.
(sorry if that was really blunt. i just got really annoyed for you when i read your post!)
MattsBride
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
IMHO, you do not have to have your father walk down the aisle with you just because the pastor suggested it. If you want your mother and brother to give you away than that is what you should do. From what you have said it sounds like your mother and brother deserve the honor. I feel like making your mother walk down with your father could be hurtful to your mother. It's like saying his influence in your life is equal to hers, but she has been there for you when he was not. I think it is a good idea to have him do something else to signify your 'new' relationship with him. Don't worry about what the pastor says, it's your wedding!
soontobemrsv
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Re: Seriously confused, help please!
i agree with all of you, totally disagree with the pastor.
