'Seven mistakes even the smartest newlyweds make'...
Found article on MSN... thought I'd share for those who may not have seen it...
Think you know it all? Think again. Don't let these common missteps of married life spoil your postwedding paradise.
Mistake #1: Not dealing with debt
We know it's not very romantic, but there are lots of financial to-dos the first year -- particularly if you want to set yourself up to buy a home within a few years. Money is the number one thing couples fight about; so deal with this touchy topic as soon as you can.
Three key reasons why you should deal:
# Unresolved money issues can breed resentment.
# Large amounts of debt are overwhelming.
# You don't know how to chip away at big balances.
What to do:
# Get your wedding debt out of the way ASAP! Otherwise it will just be the foundation of future debt.
# Tell each other up front about your personal debt -- because, for better or worse, you're about to marry it!
# Set up a financial game plan for your future.
Mistake #2: Alienating your friends
Friends make you happy, and that doesn't change when you've got a ring on your finger -- so remember to make room for them in your life (and not just your 'couple friends').
Three key reasons why you ignore your pals:
# You've got a spouse -- someone who'll always get takeout with you when you want company.
# None of your friends can really relate to 'married' issues.
# Hanging with your spouse is easier than making plans with your friends.
What to do:
# Make it clear to them early on that they are a key part of your life. Invite people over, go out with them (and don't always bring your spouse), and make a point to be social, even if your schedule is tight.
Mistake #3: Not having enough sex
Sex is incredibly important to a good marriage. But over 60 percent of newlyweds surveyed were ALREADY in a sex rut!
Three key reasons why you skip the sex:
# It's a busy time in your life.
# You're not feeling great about yourself (we'll get to that).
# You're becoming complacent.
What to do:
# Have sex. Yes, even if you don't want to. If you get in the habit of having it, you'll probably enjoy it. Schedule sex. It should never be an afterthought.
# Talk about sex. Face the issues now, and get comfortable with talking about them.
# Get in the mood. Try to keep things a bit sexy between you, and don't underestimate the power of flirting (send a provocative email during the day -- this is our Knot-tested best foreplay formula).
Mistake #4: Letting yourself go
Yes, we mean gaining weight. Newlyweds put on the pounds starting with the honeymoon and never make the effort to take these 'newlywed nine' off -- you've found your mate, so why bother?
Three key reasons why you get soft in the middle:
# You're not as motivated.
# You love playing house, cooking big meals, and indulging together.
# You're too busy to watch what you're eating or head to the gym.
What to do:
# Make a plan to get fit -- together -- or at least respect each other's goals. (Our favorite calorie-burning activity: sex.)
# Give yourself a reward -- a bikini-clad vacation, perhaps?
# Seek support. Motivate each other. Get the pat on the back you deserve, without the criticism.
Mistake #5: Letting the in-laws become out-laws
Fifty percent of couples surveyed have a problematic relationship with their in-laws. Trust us, this will only get worse as babies and other normal complications of life play out.
Three key reasons why relations get strained:
# This is a transitional time for parents, who might try to hold on tighter when their kids are moving 'away' to start their own families.
# This is also a transitional time for you -- your parents might be emotional, but you don't want to make things worse.
# It's frustrating to deal with another family. Let's face it -- it's sometimes hard enough to have your own.
What to do:
# Be very clear about boundaries right away (example: set up a schedule for holidays) to avoid false expectations (example: your MIL piles on the guilt when you don't show up at Thanksgiving dinner).
# Never badmouth each other's families -- even if your spouse is complaining about his own. It's one thing to gripe about your own parents, but quite another to hear it from someone else. Support your partner's feelings, but don't add to them.
Mistake #6: Fighting unfairly
Don't think it's okay to hit below the belt when you're married. Disagreements are inevitable, but drawn-out grudge matches shouldn't be. Fight fair and always make up before bed.
Three key reasons why you go no-holds-barred:
# You mistake the closeness you have with your partner for a carte blanche ticket to say and do anything when you fight.
# You have more ammo (by now you know what really gets under your spouse's skin), so you use it.
# You're not so worried about making him mad because you have tomorrow night (and the next night, and the next night...) to make up.
What to do:
# Pick your battles. Know when to engage in an argument and when to let it go -- without resentment.
# When you're getting really heated, walk away, even if it's just to cool down for a few minutes. You don't want to regret something you say (or do) when you're too mad to think straight.
# Move on to making up. That's the best part anyway, right? Skip the handshake and go straight for sex.
Mistake #7: Becoming obsessed with the next
step -- babies
Newlyweds get so involved with their crawling, teething, cooing future that they forget to enjoy the present.
Three key reasons why you're baby-obsessed:
# Everyone around you (friends, coworkers, neighbors, second cousins once removed) is getting pregnant.
# The idea of hearing the pitter-patter of little feet outweighs the reality of late-night feedings and dirty diapers.
# You tied the knot, bought a new house, now what? You're craving a new project.
What to do:
# Focus on your relationship. Enjoy the here-and-now time you have together. Savor the moments when you won't have to be waking up for a 4 a.m. feeding.
# Make foundations. Think about when the timing will be right for you and plan accordingly. If a timeline is in your head -- even if the date is in the far-off future -- it might keep you from over-obsessing now.
Think you know it all? Think again. Don't let these common missteps of married life spoil your postwedding paradise.
Mistake #1: Not dealing with debt
We know it's not very romantic, but there are lots of financial to-dos the first year -- particularly if you want to set yourself up to buy a home within a few years. Money is the number one thing couples fight about; so deal with this touchy topic as soon as you can.
Three key reasons why you should deal:
# Unresolved money issues can breed resentment.
# Large amounts of debt are overwhelming.
# You don't know how to chip away at big balances.
What to do:
# Get your wedding debt out of the way ASAP! Otherwise it will just be the foundation of future debt.
# Tell each other up front about your personal debt -- because, for better or worse, you're about to marry it!
# Set up a financial game plan for your future.
Mistake #2: Alienating your friends
Friends make you happy, and that doesn't change when you've got a ring on your finger -- so remember to make room for them in your life (and not just your 'couple friends').
Three key reasons why you ignore your pals:
# You've got a spouse -- someone who'll always get takeout with you when you want company.
# None of your friends can really relate to 'married' issues.
# Hanging with your spouse is easier than making plans with your friends.
What to do:
# Make it clear to them early on that they are a key part of your life. Invite people over, go out with them (and don't always bring your spouse), and make a point to be social, even if your schedule is tight.
Mistake #3: Not having enough sex
Sex is incredibly important to a good marriage. But over 60 percent of newlyweds surveyed were ALREADY in a sex rut!
Three key reasons why you skip the sex:
# It's a busy time in your life.
# You're not feeling great about yourself (we'll get to that).
# You're becoming complacent.
What to do:
# Have sex. Yes, even if you don't want to. If you get in the habit of having it, you'll probably enjoy it. Schedule sex. It should never be an afterthought.
# Talk about sex. Face the issues now, and get comfortable with talking about them.
# Get in the mood. Try to keep things a bit sexy between you, and don't underestimate the power of flirting (send a provocative email during the day -- this is our Knot-tested best foreplay formula).
Mistake #4: Letting yourself go
Yes, we mean gaining weight. Newlyweds put on the pounds starting with the honeymoon and never make the effort to take these 'newlywed nine' off -- you've found your mate, so why bother?
Three key reasons why you get soft in the middle:
# You're not as motivated.
# You love playing house, cooking big meals, and indulging together.
# You're too busy to watch what you're eating or head to the gym.
What to do:
# Make a plan to get fit -- together -- or at least respect each other's goals. (Our favorite calorie-burning activity: sex.)
# Give yourself a reward -- a bikini-clad vacation, perhaps?
# Seek support. Motivate each other. Get the pat on the back you deserve, without the criticism.
Mistake #5: Letting the in-laws become out-laws
Fifty percent of couples surveyed have a problematic relationship with their in-laws. Trust us, this will only get worse as babies and other normal complications of life play out.
Three key reasons why relations get strained:
# This is a transitional time for parents, who might try to hold on tighter when their kids are moving 'away' to start their own families.
# This is also a transitional time for you -- your parents might be emotional, but you don't want to make things worse.
# It's frustrating to deal with another family. Let's face it -- it's sometimes hard enough to have your own.
What to do:
# Be very clear about boundaries right away (example: set up a schedule for holidays) to avoid false expectations (example: your MIL piles on the guilt when you don't show up at Thanksgiving dinner).
# Never badmouth each other's families -- even if your spouse is complaining about his own. It's one thing to gripe about your own parents, but quite another to hear it from someone else. Support your partner's feelings, but don't add to them.
Mistake #6: Fighting unfairly
Don't think it's okay to hit below the belt when you're married. Disagreements are inevitable, but drawn-out grudge matches shouldn't be. Fight fair and always make up before bed.
Three key reasons why you go no-holds-barred:
# You mistake the closeness you have with your partner for a carte blanche ticket to say and do anything when you fight.
# You have more ammo (by now you know what really gets under your spouse's skin), so you use it.
# You're not so worried about making him mad because you have tomorrow night (and the next night, and the next night...) to make up.
What to do:
# Pick your battles. Know when to engage in an argument and when to let it go -- without resentment.
# When you're getting really heated, walk away, even if it's just to cool down for a few minutes. You don't want to regret something you say (or do) when you're too mad to think straight.
# Move on to making up. That's the best part anyway, right? Skip the handshake and go straight for sex.
Mistake #7: Becoming obsessed with the next
step -- babies
Newlyweds get so involved with their crawling, teething, cooing future that they forget to enjoy the present.
Three key reasons why you're baby-obsessed:
# Everyone around you (friends, coworkers, neighbors, second cousins once removed) is getting pregnant.
# The idea of hearing the pitter-patter of little feet outweighs the reality of late-night feedings and dirty diapers.
# You tied the knot, bought a new house, now what? You're craving a new project.
What to do:
# Focus on your relationship. Enjoy the here-and-now time you have together. Savor the moments when you won't have to be waking up for a 4 a.m. feeding.
# Make foundations. Think about when the timing will be right for you and plan accordingly. If a timeline is in your head -- even if the date is in the far-off future -- it might keep you from over-obsessing now.
