Sex secrets every parent should know

by S. Jhoanna Robledo

Finding time for making love is tough with a toddler in the house, and no one knows that better than veteran parents. That's why we asked them how they keep the home fires burning. Here are their best tips and tricks (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) for squeezing in some love time.
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What's below:
• Tips for parents with toddlers



Tips for parents with toddlers
Saturday morning cartoons can spell fun for you, too
While your child watches the Magic School Bus, you and your partner can take a ride of your own. 'Set your child up in front of the television, and away you go to nookie central, at least for ten to 15 minutes,' says Mollee O., a mom in Southern California. Of course this works only if your child is old enough to be left alone safely for a short time.
Get a lock for your bedroom door
'It's the best investment we ever made, and the only way to ensure a little privacy at night,' says a father of two boys from Berkeley, California.

Send the kids out, you stay in
'We learned pretty early to take up family and friends on their offers to care for our kids,' says Jean M. of Islip, New York. She and her husband discovered it was easier to get people to babysit for their son and daughter if they dropped the kids off at the sitter's house. 'As a side benefit, our house was empty, so we could enjoy some alone time in our own bed.'

Just do it!
If you wait to be overcome with passionate feelings it may never happen, says one mother of twins. When her husband approaches her for sex, she often says yes even when she doesn't feel totally in the mood. The result? 'Nine times out of ten I'm breathing hard and loving it within 15 minutes.'

Making time for making love
Approved by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

You're exhausted, you're overextended, and if you're a new mother, your body still doesn't feel like your own. You probably haven't had five minutes alone for weeks. No wonder making love doesn't seem to be a priority.
Keep in mind that some couples resume sex more quickly than others after having a baby. (And lots of mothers in the know laugh when their health practitioner gives them the green light to start having sex again six weeks postpartum.) You don't have to follow anyone's schedule, and it's helpful to keep in mind that the emotional and physical demands of a new baby often leave a new mother (and some fathers) with very little interest in sex, or in fulfilling other roles besides that of parent — for the time being. Give each other some space to become parents, not just partners, and intimacy will follow.

When you're ready, the first step in getting back to a regular sex life is making time for each other. Once you're feeling connected again, sex will probably become a more natural, frequent part of your life. But between the demands of the baby, household and each other, sex may be the last thing you make time for. Remember that sex is an important part of a relationship and it's worth making time for! Some suggestions:

Take it slow and easy
Acknowledge to each other that you both may feel a little — or quite — fearful. Women may fear the intimacy or any pain; men may fear that they will hurt their partner. So talk about it, take your time and don't feel pressure to rush into intercourse just because you've been given the medical okay. Some couples find that gradually easing into intimacy, and eventually resuming intercourse, is the most comfortable approach; others find they're eager, if a little anxious, and make love again much sooner. Work together to find what's comfortable for you and be sure to use lots of lubrication (childbirth and breastfeeding can make the ******l tissues temporarily dry).

When you're really ready to start a regular sex life again:

• Talk about making love during the day. Let your partner know you're thinking about him or her, and that you're anticipating the night. A little verbal foreplay — or simple anticipation — can really set the stage for a bedtime reunion.

• Go to bed earlier. New parents have so little time for themselves that they often stay up late finishing the day's tasks. Skip them. Go to bed together — and vacuum or pay the bills tomorrow.

• Think nap time. If you're just too tired at bedtime, don't squander your baby's weekend naps. As above, the tasks awaiting will keep on waiting, but the time for intimacy can be far too fleeting.

• Be flexible. Everything has changed including your sex life. You can't expect to stick to your old schedule — you'll never have sex. You need to roll with it. Maybe you weren't into morning or afternoon sex before the baby, but now you can't be picky about timing. Just seize the moment.

• Don't forget about contraception! Even if you're breastfeeding, even if you haven't resumed your menstrual periods, you may still be able to conceive