SHOULD I????

little background: my maid of honor..best fd...Vanessa...was there for me from the beginning...fh took her secretly with him to pik out my engagement ring...(how cute is that)..heheh..
anyway...she always was saying that she will go with me to places and do things with me..thats she is excited...blah blah blah
well now that we decided to do this dec..wedding...2 months ago..or so...she hasnt helped me at all...i mean ...i dont need any crazy work from her...im not employing her...but here and there..just some opinions...she is always toooo busy ..or tired..and always w her bfd....
and that pisses the **** out of me...coz she is the one ..who wanted to do everything..with..me..and im a little hurt ..coz..she is my best fd..she doesnt even show the interest...in anything....

should i say smth to her???????

wt u girls think..? i know im being a baby...but it reallly bothering me...

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Posted by RadiantBride

I would speak to her nicely, and tell her how much it would mean to you if she could help you plan the little details that you have left. I realized that sometimes, its not that our friends dont want to be there for us, but that they may not know what to do.

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YES... i know...she just doesnt even..ask..how im doing..and i always tell her wts going on..and she doesnt listen ..starts talking about smth else....
thats y it bothers...

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Posted by aliska21

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Posted by RadiantBride

I would speak to her nicely, and tell her how much it would mean to you if she could help you plan the little details that you have left. I realized that sometimes, its not that our friends dont want to be there for us, but that they may not know what to do.

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YES... i know...she just doesnt even..ask..how im doing..and i always tell her wts going on..and she doesnt listen ..starts talking about smth else....
thats y it bothers...

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So I would try a more direct approach i.e.
You- Hey I am doing xyz Saturday and I need you to come with me.
Friend: Oh I am busy
You- oh ok then we'll do it Sunday
Friend- probably thinking damm it
You- Smile

Seriously I went through something very similar and I am happy that my relationship remained the same after the wedding. BUT I was really upset and after the wedding I just put it all out there.

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Posted by RadiantBride

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Posted by aliska21

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Posted by RadiantBride

I would speak to her nicely, and tell her how much it would mean to you if she could help you plan the little details that you have left. I realized that sometimes, its not that our friends dont want to be there for us, but that they may not know what to do.

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YES... i know...she just doesnt even..ask..how im doing..and i always tell her wts going on..and she doesnt listen ..starts talking about smth else....
thats y it bothers...

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So I would try a more direct approach i.e.
You- Hey I am doing xyz Saturday and I need you to come with me.
Friend: Oh I am busy
You- oh ok then we'll do it Sunday
Friend- probably thinking damm it
You- Smile

Seriously I went through something very similar and I am happy that my relationship remained the same after the wedding. BUT I was really upset and after the wedding I just put it all out there.

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thats wt she does..all the time..that was tested already...soo right now..im writting her a huge email....and if that doesnt help..im dont need a moh like that

your friend probably is excited for you - she just isnt as into it as you are - after all, its your wedding and of course things are going to be more intense for you - and not for her....does that make any sense? i tried not to drag anyone around with me or make anyone do anything with me or for me - that is what FH is for its our wedding so we did everything together - the only thing done with the girls is dress stuff, other than that i try to not to bother them with wedding stuff....but i also like doing things myself, the only thing i didnt do was wrap my favors my FSIL/MOH wrapped them all for us, but she was home and pregnant and wanted to do it for us since she is an excellent wrapper and she enjoys it, so we were like ummm okay sure - but i never expected her to do it and i never would have asked her to do it, but thats just how i am, i dont like being bossy or asking people to do stuff for me.....but asking your friend to come somewhere with you is different, and that might hurt me too....i wouldnt take it too personal.....

I've had to deal with some of that as well. It happens. Even though my wedding is the most important and exciting thing going on in my life right now, I try to understand that my BMs have other things going on. And even though they're happy for me, it's not priority #1 on their list. What are ya gonna do?

I have one good friend in the wedding party who reminds me a little of your situation. I was HER bridesmaid only 2 months ago and it was a huge struggle for me, only because i had just lost my job AND had been trying to save money for my own wedding. But i definitely did not complain and I made sure to buy the dress right on time and the shoes in the matching color, I also managed to put enough aside for a wedding gift for them, and then of course all of the other details that come along with being apart of a wedding. Now that it's MY turn and she's now MY bridesmaid, things just don't seem to measure up. It's not like she's necessarily 'uninterested'. She's still such a great friend to me, but she just has not been much help either. Her husband recently lost his job and i feel like she's constantly reminding me of that. Every time I give a little reminder about shoes, hair, makeup, or whatever, she needs to start off with 'Well, since DH is out of work....' I TOTALLY understand that! I was in nearly the same situation during HER wedding (and she knew that) but i did not ever complain. meanwhile she's the one BM that i always need to check up on. The last to get her dress and other accessories. And still no shoes. I think she may even be dyeing her shoes a dissimilar shade of red than I had asked for because it's cheaper (which isn't a big deal to me, but still). Grrr. It's frustrating, so I hear ya on the slacking best friends. I never talked to her about it though. I just remind her that I totally understand the situation since i was in the same exact boat. But I still ask her to try and come through with the important things. No use causing problems. I still love her

You could talk to your friend if you feel it's important enough, if not then I'd just let it go. Girls who have never been married just don't get it. Seriously, it's only the MARRIED LADIES in my bridal party that help me the most. The single ones have no idea.

Here's the thing. Just because you're (the collective you-not you personally) are getting married, does not mean that everyone, even our bestest friends HAVE to be involved in the planning process. The only real requirement of the MOH and the BMs and the GMs for that matter is to stand by our side at the wedding. That's it. They don't have to come with us to look at dresses, flowers, anything at all. Maybe she's busy, maybe she'd rather hang out with her boyfriend, maybe she really doesn't find helping our plan your wedding that much fun or exciting. And you know what, that's ok. Unfortunately no member of the wedding party is obligated to help you. Stinks but it's the truth. Some brides get lucky and have a bridal party that is ready to jump in with both feet, others have friends who could care less. Doesn't mean they're not your friends or that they're not happy for you, it just means that wedding planning for you doesn't interest them.

I personally didn't even ask my MOH or any of my BMs for help or to tag along with me on any trips. I would mention what I was doing and they always knew they were welcome, but rarely did I get takers. They were gung ho for my shower, but that's it. And it didn't upset me at all, they have their own lives, just because I was getting married didn't mean they had to help.

I did my best work flying solo. And actually, I liked it better with less birds chirping in my ear with opinions. You might too. Hang in there!!

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Posted by missliss

Here's the thing. Just because you're (the collective you-not you personally) are getting married, does not mean that everyone, even our bestest friends HAVE to be involved in the planning process. The only real requirement of the MOH and the BMs and the GMs for that matter is to stand by our side at the wedding. That's it. They don't have to come with us to look at dresses, flowers, anything at all. Maybe she's busy, maybe she'd rather hang out with her boyfriend, maybe she really doesn't find helping our plan your wedding that much fun or exciting. And you know what, that's ok. Unfortunately no member of the wedding party is obligated to help you. Stinks but it's the truth. Some brides get lucky and have a bridal party that is ready to jump in with both feet, others have friends who could care less. Doesn't mean they're not your friends or that they're not happy for you, it just means that wedding planning for you doesn't interest them.

I personally didn't even ask my MOH or any of my BMs for help or to tag along with me on any trips. I would mention what I was doing and they always knew they were welcome, but rarely did I get takers. They were gung ho for my shower, but that's it. And it didn't upset me at all, they have their own lives, just because I was getting married didn't mean they had to help.

I did my best work flying solo. And actually, I liked it better with less birds chirping in my ear with opinions. You might too. Hang in there!!

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thats what i was trying to say.....i know personally i felt like someone expected way too much from me personally as a bridesmaid and it was a little ridiculous, i think people get caught up, or want every bridesmaid they have to be involved in every little thing - and honestly, people have their own lives - and that does not mean they aren't excited for you, it just means that to them your wedding isnt the #1 priority and i dont think it should be - i dont expect that from my girls - im not sure exactly what your situation is though but if you chose her to be your MOH i would cut her some slack, its not worth losing a friendship over IMO....

i get what you are saying...but n omatter from wt way i look at it...im get more n more angry...i mean ...i just need to let it out..and let her..know...
im not expecting..everyday ..with me..wedding wedding wedding...but...sometimes...at least ..once in blue moon......not even ..go with me...but look at pic..and tell me if its cute or not..and how the colors..look...coz i email her...just the pics.....sometimes..n when i asked her..if she looked at them ..shes like..oo yeah..i did...sorry..didnt write bak to u...forgat....n im like oook..thx for ur help!