Should I accept?

To make a long story short. my Biological dad left my mother when she was 7 months pregnant with me. His excuse was that his mother would not let him marry her because he first had to buy her (his mother) a house. She never spoke to him after that and he ended up marrying a friend of hers about a year later.

My point: I was contacted by his sister through my aunts restaurant (I never have had or wanted to have contact with any part of that family), that my 'dad' would like to contribute to the wedding. He does not want to participate, just contribute.

So you all can understand tha every little help counts, but I am torn between accepting and not. I feel that A. to little to late and B. it would be disrespectful to my mom, she went through somuch s*it b/c of him.

What are your opinions?
Sorry so long! TIA!!!

a) talk to your mom

b) unfortunatley, almost nothing is free... he can say he just wants to contribute, but if you take money, and then he asks to be invited, or come to the church, or help pick our your dress etc, its almost an open dorr

i cant really offer advise other then to really think about it.

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Posted by MrsHazel2B

this is such a sensitive thing...i would think long and hard about letting him into your life this way, out of the blue and financially. Yes, you could probably use the extra $$ but what will he want from you after?

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ITA!!!!!!!!! seriously, it makes me wonder why hes willing to contribute but not participate!

this is so personal so it is REALLY hard to give an opinion or tell you what is right/wrong because only you know that answer....

if this were ME (please don't take this wrong, this is JMO) I would NOT accept the money. If I want nothing to do with him or want him in my life before/after the wedding, I wouldn't accept the money and feel like I owe him something. If I had intentions of speaking to him and establishing a relationship, I would consider taking it. If not, I wouldn't accept at all

GOOD LUCK!

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Posted by GiannisWifey

this is so personal so it is REALLY hard to give an opinion or tell you what is right/wrong because only you know that answer....

if this were ME (please don't take this wrong, this is JMO) I would NOT accept the money. If I want nothing to do with him or want him in my life before/after the wedding, I wouldn't accept the money and feel like I owe him something.

GOOD LUCK!

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ITA. I'm too damn stubborn to take his money. I would talk to your mom about it and see how she feels about it.

wow this is such a tough situation..i'm sorry you're going thru this !

have you told your mother/family? I would think about this very carefully. While money is helpful right now...it is not the key to solving this issue. He might be looking for a way back into your life? is this somethign you want or may want later on? i dont even know what advice to give...but all i could say is think about this very thoroughly..you may start a new relationship w/your dad (if thats what u want)

Like someone else said, everything has its price. I wouldn't take the gift--he's not even the one contacting you about it, which to me is shady.

Please note that I do have biases about this. On a personal level, I do not have a relationship with my father, and he actually contacted me a while back and told me he wanted to give me his brand new car...out of NOWHERE. I found a few months later that it was a part of a scam he was doing to pay less child support for my younger siblings. I drove it around with a guilty conscience for a couple of more months, and then returned it.

Though my story ended in a negative way, every situation is different. This may sound silly, but make sure to do your research and open the conversation with your mom and those that know you best.

Well I made a decision a long time ago that I did not want a relationship now or later with him or any part of that family. When I first heard of this offer I felt offended to be honest, that he thinks he could just buy his way back into my life after 27 years.

Like you said, money could come in handy but I think I would rather know that any help we have received for the wedding has come from people who genuinely care. Not just from some a$$ who feels that by contributing financially makes up for the past.

Thanks girls, I think I just needed to get this off my chest, and you'll have made me make my decision!!

Screw it, I do not need nor do I want anything from him!!

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Posted by RGEC47

Well I made a decision a long time ago that I did not want a relationship now or later with him or any part of that family. When I first heard of this offer I felt offended to be honest, that he thinks he could just buy his way back into my life after 27 years.

Like you said, money could come in handy but I think I would rather know that any help we have received for the wedding has come from people who genuinely care. Not just from some a$$ who feels that by contributing financially makes up for the past.

Thanks girls, I think I just needed to get this off my chest, and you'll have made me make my decision!!

Screw it, I do not need nor do I want anything from him!!

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im sure this isnt easy for you... but i personally think you are making the right decision!

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Posted by RGEC47

When I first heard of this offer I felt offended to be honest, that he thinks he could just buy his way back into my life after 27 years.

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This was honestly my first reaction. What an easy out for him. I think you are doing the right thing for you and your mother. You don't need the headache that will come along with the $$!

wow that is a tough one!
honestly i'm the type that wouldn't take it. i'd say screw the money! don't need him or his money now!
...unless you are willing to make peace with him and you need help paying for the wedding.

I can completely relate to this because my mom left my fam when I was 12. My dad raised 4 kids by himself and only when my older sis got married did my mom pop back into the picture. She offered my sis a little help with no strings attached and my sis took it. Well, she showed up to my sis's wedding ceremony, making everyone feel so awkward and then told the photographer she was the mother of the bride and insisted on taking family pictures. After the wedding, she ended up borrowing money from my sis and her new husband and was gone again, they never got the money back.

So definitely think long and hard and have a talk with your mom. I feel like everything comes with a price, or he could totally shock you and just want to try and do the right thing.

Good luck!

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Posted by NanandEric08

I can completely relate to this because my mom left my fam when I was 12. My dad raised 4 kids by himself and only when my older sis got married did my mom pop back into the picture. She offered my sis a little help with no strings attached and my sis took it. Well, she showed up to my sis's wedding ceremony, making everyone feel so awkward and then told the photographer she was the mother of the bride and insisted on taking family pictures. After the wedding, she ended up borrowing money from my sis and her new husband and was gone again, they never got the money back.

So definitely think long and hard and have a talk with your mom. I feel like everything comes with a price, or he could totally shock you and just want to try and do the right thing.

Good luck!

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Sorry to hear about your family and what happened with your sister. I think I have come to terms and have decided to not accept. Not only do I have to worry about him showing up, but his whole family lives in my hometown where the ceremony will take place. I think they would all show up and feel entitled to be there. Then it will no longer be a wedding it would be WW3!!!