ive been engaged for about one month. my parents are BEYOND thrilled to plan and pay for everything (very traditional) and they figure since they are making all those payemts they make the major decisons with me and FH imput when necessary.
for the most part my parents are VERY understanding andhave all ears open, BUT FILS and FBIL feel liek they need to put their say into everything as well, even withthe understand that they arent putting a penny into the wedding.
FH understands bc with TOO many ppl involved nothing will get done, and he went through the same thing when buying a new car... yeah he can listen to others but in the end he is paying so it matters more what he wants.
sorry for ranting...
but i feel liek FH family are down my parents back (through me) about wanting to be involved in everything, and FBIL was ticked off that we didt ask him for help looking for the hall... (i dont get why we needed FBIL when all hes doing is showing up to the wedding)
am i wrong to feel liek they are just wanting to be too involved for no real reason, or i just feel liek they cant trust us (me, FH and my parents)
my parents also wont do major plannign with them bc they keep usign the phrase 'too many cooks in the kitcken'
blu6385
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
its you and your FH wedding ... there is no need for his sister or borhter to get involved .... i would jsut tell them that all they have to worry about is showing up!!!
cherish83
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
Its you're wedding and essentially it should be up to you. You have to be happy. However, if they are paying, they should be able to have input. But in the end you make the decisions
Espo22
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
Unfortunately when someone else is paying they are going to get involved and think they can have their way...They should have input of course but at the same time not make you do things that you do not want to.
And family is going to get involved its just the way it is, everybody wants to tell you what to do, what to pick and how to do it
LuvMyAlfonse
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
They're prob just trying to be involved. You know the saying 'A son's a son until he takes a wife....' They're prob threatened by you and need to have a some say in his life still.. they're losing him you know?
Or they could just be control freaks. Just yes them to death and you and your parents do what you want.... Don't sweat it - it could prob be worse!
Autumn08
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
It's yours and Fh's wedding and you two should have the final say in decision making. Of course both sets of parents are going to have ideas and put their input in but it's still up to you and FH. I understand your parents are paying but FILs should still be involved in some of the planning. You are all going to be family! Don't alienate them!
xXxNovember08xXx
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
Posted by Espo22
Unfortunately when someone else is paying they are going to get involved and think they can have their way...They should have input of course but at the same time not make you do things that you do not want to.
And family is going to get involved its just the way it is, everybody wants to tell you what to do, what to pick and how to do it
yeah i just feel like FH parents feel they need to know everything, and make major decisions but they arent even puttign out a penny for the wedding, and for example...
picking the hall FFIL moaned and groaned that my parents are not getting a discount for something small and he was liek well if i did it i woudl i should have been there and talked to them and did it the right way.... and i wanted to scream at him telling him thank you for wantign to save money BUT my dad negotiated the way he wantedt and he will pay for it...
FFIL is still upset about not being there to negotiate... i think personally he needs not to worry bc he doesnt realize what my parents are paying for this wedding...
im just stressed and i need to try to relax.. and not let the inlaws get to me.
Espo22
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
Posted by debbieh
Posted by Espo22
Unfortunately when someone else is paying they are going to get involved and think they can have their way...They should have input of course but at the same time not make you do things that you do not want to.
And family is going to get involved its just the way it is, everybody wants to tell you what to do, what to pick and how to do it
yeah i just feel like FH parents feel they need to know everything, and make major decisions but they arent even puttign out a penny for the wedding, and for example...
picking the hall FFIL moaned and groaned that my parents are not getting a discount for something small and he was liek well if i did it i woudl i should have been there and talked to them and did it the right way.... and i wanted to scream at him telling him thank you for wantign to save money BUT my dad negotiated the way he wantedt and he will pay for it...
FFIL is still upset about not being there to negotiate... i think personally he needs not to worry bc he doesnt realize what my parents are paying for this wedding...
im just stressed and i need to try to relax.. and not let the inlaws get to me.
Ok i see whats going on now...See thats there way of helping out and staying involved since they are not putting in any money.
Julybride08
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
I totally understand. My parents are paying for everything. And Fh's parents haven't even offered. But I still ask them for there opinions now and then. We didn't take them to look at the hall though. after we found the one we wanted then we took them. FSIL is not involved at all. Only with the BM dresses. But I did take FIL's to look at the bands with us.And to look at the Photgraphers. I felt that it's there son's wedding and there family will be there to so I should get some input from them. You don't have to take it but i still just listen. Same thing with my parents. they try and tell us things but it's what we want that matters. And if you really don't want them involved at all, don't tell them your doing anything. If they as just say oh we haven't done anything were taking a break from planning.
xXxNovember08xXx
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
thank u..
we did invite them to see bands, its up to them to come.. i think they just have to realize that they can tell us what they like but they cant force my parents to do what they want.
ant n tilde
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
omg deb i am going through a similar situation and it is a STICKY situation
the hard part is NOT letting it come btw you and FH - i know FH and i were having a SCREAMING match the other day but we both stopped in the middle of it hysterically laughing bc it turned into a 'my daddy is better than your daddy' fight and it just sounded RIDICULOUS
your best bet is to 'fake involve' them - make them feel involved. . . if you are going to see three vendors and there is one you arent crazy about and prob wont book - take them to see THAT vendor. . .stuff like that
good luck!!!!! it is a TOUGH situation -
xXxNovember08xXx
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
thank you... i feel alot better now.. thank you all for listening.
Kimbalina
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
Posted by blu6385
its you and your FH wedding ... there is no need for his sister or borhter to get involved .... i would jsut tell them that all they have to worry about is showing up!!!
Tell them thank you but, you have some ideas of your own
Autumn08
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
Posted by debbieh
thank you... i feel alot better now.. thank you all for listening.
I hope everything works out with your families. It's important to remember what you are doing. You are celebrating the start of your life together and merging families. It's not always easy but it's important to start on the right foot!
megzzie
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Re: should i be feeling bad?
I can't believe your FBIL was upset that he didn't have a say in RHs! Maybe you and your FH can tell his family that you're open to listening to ideas, but in the end, you guys are going to make the final decision since it's your wedding.
