Should I be mad? (Sorry it's a bit long)

So, I have 4 bridesmaids and a MOH. The last bridesmaid/groomsmen my FH and I picked were the couple that actually introduced us. FH is a long time friend of the guy, and I lived with the girl for a few years and we became good friends. I wouldn't have necessarily picked her as a bridesmaid, but because FH's friend was a longtime friend, we thought it would be nice to have them together in the bridal party.

Well, they got engaged last year. They're getting married in September. We heard nothing about the bridal party, and today I got an email about the shower from a friend. I was surprised she hadn't said anything to me about the bridal party. I didn't necessarily assume I was going to be picked, but did assume that if I wasn't going to be picked she would call me and just explain, since we have been friends a while now and she is in my bridal party. I finally called her to address it directly. She was really matter of fact about it, just said who the girls were, and didn't address at all the inconsistency since she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I'm not necessarily hurt I wasn't picked, just more that she was insensitive to the situation and probably wouldn't have said anything at all about it, unless I asked her directly. I'm just sad and disappointed that it was handled this way.

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Posted by agoldm02

So, I have 4 bridesmaids and a MOH. The last bridesmaid/groomsmen my FH and I picked were the couple that actually introduced us. FH is a long time friend of the guy, and I lived with the girl for a few years and we became good friends. I wouldn't have necessarily picked her as a bridesmaid, but because FH's friend was a longtime friend, we thought it would be nice to have them together in the bridal party.

Well, they got engaged last year. They're getting married in September. We heard nothing about the bridal party, and today I got an email about the shower from a friend. I was surprised she hadn't said anything to me about the bridal party. I didn't necessarily assume I was going to be picked, but did assume that if I wasn't going to be picked she would call me and just explain, since we have been friends a while now and she is in my bridal party. I finally called her to address it directly. She was really matter of fact about it, just said who the girls were, and didn't address at all the inconsistency since she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I'm not necessarily hurt I wasn't picked, just more that she was insensitive to the situation and probably wouldn't have said anything at all about it, unless I asked her directly. I'm just sad and disappointed that it was handled this way.

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I agree that maybe she should have pulled you aside and explained. 'listen I wish I could have put you in my wedding party but it's just getting to big b/c of family members that need to be in the party...etc'

However I think we all need to try and remember what a whirlwind it was when we first got engaged. Somtimes we just don't think how stuff is going to affect others b/c we really are in our own work at that time. I would just chalk it up to her being excited and overwhelmed and that it was a harmless oversight.

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Posted by mariaobride

I could see why you would be upset for her not filling you in. But maybe that was her way of handling the situation by not telling you because she felt funny and in hope you would find out through the grapevine. Not to justify her actions but that is was it seems like.

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ditto

perhaps she didn't want to mention it at all---since she didn't want the awkwardness of saying 'you're not in my BP'

don't let it get to you...its just less stress for you to have to deal with when its her turn!

Thanks for the insights. You all make great points. I'm also sad for my FH, as he's been friends with this guy for a really long time. It's a much bigger slight to him. Retrospectively, maybe we shouldn't have picked them for ours.

you shouldnt let it get to you.....

just b/c you asked someone doesnt mean they are obligated to have you in theirs

im having a very small BP with just 3 girls....2 are sisters, 1 is my best friend. i always wanted it like that - intimate and small.....i dont think any of my other friends or family members should feel disappointed or upest that i didnt ask them - its just the vision that i always have had....

dont let it upset you guys

Never ever ask some one because you feel obligated! Believe me!

I am sorry you are bummed. But think of it this way.. less expense out of your pocket!

I wouldn't take it personally at all. Everyone has different feelings/ ideas about their wedding & she may have had her bridal party (and her FH his) decided a long time ago. I know I did... FSIL asked me to be in her wedding with FBIL last year. However, I didn't ask her to be in mine... She was very upset and tried to cause drama- but I stuck to what I believed and tried to explain it was nothing personal but I don't believe in 'you ask me, I ask you'....

And, as someone said- less expense out of your pocket too

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Posted by Kimbalina

Never ever ask some one because you feel obligated! Believe me!

I am sorry you are bummed. But think of it this way.. less expense out of your pocket!

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I agree.