Should I be the better friend?

kelly4 Posted: May 04, 2003 02:29 PM

Should I be the better friend?

My friend's bachelorette party is coming up soon. I am in her wedding party, but I have a really bad taste since she was in mind and did sh*t for me. My BP turned into a nightmare b/c a lot of people cancelled last minute (due to strep, really bad weather, baby sick, etc). I'm not mad at that, but at the fact that my friend insisted on still going. Well, it was only me and my MOH and her. We went out to dinner wich they split, but I had to pay for the rest of my BP! My MOH who doesn't drink got really trashed and so did my friend. My friend always mooches money from me whenever we go out and stiffed me with the bar tab AND I had to pay for her train ticket home also! I have not seen a penny! She also had bought drinks for complete strangers and told the bartender that I'd be paying.

So, this is the short version. I could get into more detail, but I won't.

Now, I am still very angry with her and she doesn't see anything wrong. Her MOH is planning her BP and wants me to pitch in for a limo, 'classy' dinner and a night out in the hamptoms, possible a hotel room also. She estimated the cost for each BM to be $300 I am not happy to say the least!

What should I do? I really don't want to pay for this since she stiffed me on mine and made it a night from hell (that's the longer version).

thanks!

WishCandy Posted: May 04, 2003 03:27 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

It's up to you... but, IMO - I would do exactly as much as she did for me and if she didn't like it too bad. What goes around comes around. She sounds like a real piece of work.

Sunny Posted: May 04, 2003 03:31 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I agree- don't go. Make up an excuse.

kelly4 Posted: May 04, 2003 03:32 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I love you ladies! That's what I want to do! She is a real winner. So self- centered!

WishCandy Posted: May 04, 2003 03:44 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I'm sorry you your bachelorette party wasn't what you expected or deserved.
I love those people that don't do anything for anyone else unless, they're getting something out of it... but, then when they want you to do something - they just expect you to go out of your way for them.

anna Posted: May 04, 2003 04:19 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

If you were my sister I'd say 'youre STUPID if you Go !! !!!'

But I'll say it nicely to you 'I dont think you should go! !!!'

Dont you DARE spend that much money on someone that had that much LACK of RESPECT for you on your BP nite !! I wouldnt even think twice about it. My decision would have been made that nite, whether or not she was even engaged... (some things stay in the back of that mind for years, till its THEIR TURN ! LOL )

As the song says 'PLEASE DONT GO, DONT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

Take $300 cash out of the bank, and consider it your PAMPERING MONEY and go THPLLLLRRRRRRR to her !

Nuff said ?

butterfly20 Posted: May 04, 2003 04:29 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

dont go!!
take the money and buy yourself something nice

NYCMeghan Posted: May 04, 2003 05:02 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

Bail on it, it's not worth going if she was so awful to you. If you go you'll just get mad during the evening and compare it to yours, etc. Take the $ you would have spent and treat yourself to something nice.

Sonicstef Posted: May 04, 2003 05:09 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I think the real question is: Aside from the wedding stuff, is she a good friend to you?

Yes - she may have not been so great on that one night..and she might be cheap. But you put her in thewedding party for a reason right? You must have felt she was a good friend and I assume she feels you are a friend to her.

If the answer is 'yes she is a good friend despite all that' then I think you have to go. I totally understand the desire to stick it to her in the same way she did to you - but whatever happened, you have the opportunity of doing it right.

Stacey1403 Posted: May 04, 2003 05:27 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I wouldn't go if I was you!

HeatherandNick Posted: May 04, 2003 06:24 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I would not go

cluelessbride Posted: May 04, 2003 08:28 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I agree with Stef - think about your friendship and consider what it is worth to you. If how she handled your BP is enough for you to write her off, then act accordingly. Good luck!

anna Posted: May 04, 2003 08:42 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

No offense guys, but how she was treated the night of her bachelorette party is beyond disrespectful ! Was she (the 'friend') completely drunk that she didnt realize what she was doing? What justifies what she did? The biggest night of your life and that's what she does ? Did she ever apologize?
THAT's a FRIEND ???
I just think there's a difference between 'being the bigger person' and being a doormat.

You are worth more than letting someone treat you like that.

But as the ladies here said, Do whatever your heart tells you.

kelly4 Posted: May 04, 2003 08:58 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

enough said, I'm not going! Although I still like to hear your thoughts, as it only confirms my feelings. No, she is NOT a good friend to me at all. Like I said, she is so selfish. She has always been jealous of me. At least that's what my mother thinks, and I think I agree. I have always been much thinner than her and she resents it. When I got engaged, she had to put sown the size of my stone (and it's way above 1.5 cts.) because she didn't get one that big- honestly, I don't care about the size, I think the ring she has is beautiful and I wold have said yes to my DH just b/c he loves me and not for the ring. She is also jealous that we bought a house and she is having bad luck looking for one. She used to bad mouth my neighborhood until she wwas turned down for the loan $ she wanted and now she is looking in my neighborhood ( and mind you, I live in a very nice neighborhood, just not the $700,000 houses she wanted)

Then she accused me of not being a good friend and asked me to 'step down' from my duties of being one of her BM! W T F? I had done nothing wrong. She wanted me to get measured for her BM dresses 2 weeks before my own wedding and I had asked her since my life was very busy at that moment, if I could just get them right after I came back from my HM. This was in Oct. and she wasn't getting married until the following Aug. Why the rush? Well, b/c the princess wants everyone to just drop what they are doing to serve her.

Ok- I am just getting angrier and angrier. I will call it a night now. Hope this threw some light onto our relationship. Now that I see it typed out like this, I agree that I must re-eval our friendship. She is just not worth it.

Valenia Posted: May 04, 2003 09:03 PM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I don't think that her poor actions justify a repeat. I'm not saying you should pay, but instead that you should not be in her wedding party. Regardless of the reason, if you are unwilling to fulfill the obligations of being a BM then you should resign.

violetfairy Posted: May 05, 2003 04:20 AM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

Yep, I'd resign. And now for a question I don't understand...

Maybe it's because I've never really had a group of girlfriends, but WHY would anyone invite someone to be in the wedding party if she's been a crappy friend? I don't get this...

OctBride05 Posted: May 05, 2003 10:46 AM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

if this were me, i wouldn't go. why should you have to chip in money for her party when she completly ruined yours. i agree with everyone else, and take that money and buy yourself something nice. i would spend money on her when she owes you all that money and you haven't seen a penny.

susans Posted: May 05, 2003 11:00 AM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

This shouldn't even be a question of going to a bachelorette party, it's a question of why you remain to be friends with a girl that's self-centered and jealous of you.

If you harbor so much hostility and renentment over your own bachelorette party and you feel like it was an issue that was never rectified (she never apologised, you never forgave her) then why did you agree to be in her BP to begin with?
If this is girl that you can openly call self-centered, selfish and jealous than why are you even friends with her?
I think it's definately time to re-evaluate your friendship. If it;s worth saving then you really need to discuss with her how you feel and how angry you still are over your own ruined bachelorette party (for all you know, she's so self-absorbed, she doesn't even realize that that's why your heart isn't into being her BM) and if you can come to some sort of understanding maybe you can work that into salvaging some sort of friendship.

But from here it sounds like you completley can't stand this girl, so I don't even know if it's worth it to you.

Sassyz75 Posted: May 05, 2003 11:05 AM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I really think you should step down. Why would you want to be in this girls major life event if you despise her??

anna Posted: May 05, 2003 11:07 AM

Re: Should I be the better friend?

I agree with Valenia saying that this doesnt justify a repeat. Its much classier to NOT GO, than it would be to go and 'do what she did'. (im not saying you would do that, im just saying its much classier to just come up with an excuse and have this one less headache.
)

Looks like there's no 2 way communication here (friendship-wise), ANYONE can be a better friend than her

Good luck kelly