My FH Mom and Step-dad told us right after we got engaged(december)that they were unable to contribute towards our wedding because financially they couldn't do it(even though my FMIL is great at giving me names of people to invite) Well..My Fh told me that his stepdad&mom just bought a new truck, bought a new pool for their backyard($7000) AND are having their house added onto(2nd floor) Should I be upset? What do you ladies think about this?
Donna
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Re: should I be upset?
I would be upset too. However since they aren't contributing you can be firm with them and only allow them a certain number of people. Tell FMIL if she wants more she has to pay.
What does your FH think? Is he upset?
dkwife
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Re: should I be upset?
I would be upset, but not sure how I would approach it...But I agree with Donna, definitely give them a limit and make sure she knows your budgetary constraints... Maybe they will offer to help... Good luck : )
bizzybridesmom
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Re: should I be upset?
Are you asking for permission to be upset? Are you upset or not? How can someone else tell you how to feel? You feel how you feel & you shouldn't need anyone to tell you if you're right or wrong.
palebride
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Re: should I be upset?
I guess you can't really be upset about it because it is their money and they can choose to spend it how they wish. Maybe they've had plans for this construction for a while now and already planned on spending the money on it. Or maybe they want to let the two of you pay for the wedding on your own as a life lesson.
good luck!!
Lisalou
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Re: should I be upset?
This kind of happened to me with my dad and his wife. He made all these promises and then never followed through, but in the meantime bought a lot of property. It upset me at some points, but my husbaand and I planned on paying for the wedding ourselves, so I let it go. In the end he gave us a generous gift If you planned on help I would be hurt, but if you didn't I would let it go. You can now say No and not feel guilty when they want to invite people you don't want. I was
Charly
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Re: should I be upset?
That's a hard one - everyone's situation is different.
I know that neither my family nor my FH family can contribute financially to our wedding, but they do continue to 'purchase' things for themselves, and I'm ok with it. I can't expect my mother, for example, not to go on vacation because she's not helping me financially with the wedding.
I did limit my parents guest lists and asked my FH to ask the same of his parents - not to be spiteful - but we just can't afford it. They completely understood.
fall2005bride
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Re: should I be upset?
bizzybridesmom- What was that about?
jj04
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Re: should I be upset?
Of course it is upsetting, but set a budget for yourself and you can still have a beautiful wedding...there is so much you can do yourself...watch TLC for better or for worse and you will get great ideas on a budget.
nferrandi
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Re: should I be upset?
I won't tell you that you 'should' be upset, but I know I would be. It just seems hypocritical for them to do for themselves before their child, but that's JMO. However, whether you're upset or not, you really have no right to say anythng to them. I agree with the other girls that you should limit the number of people they can invite, not out of spite, butbased on the fact that you and your FH aren't made of money either. If they want to invite more people than you're willing to pay for, than they need to pick up the extra cost.
butterfly20
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Re: should I be upset?
id be upset.. thats alot of money they are spending.. id think a parent would want to spend some of that on their childs wedding...
i agree with the other girl.. definately set a limit at to how much they can invite.. and anything over that they pay for the extra guest
OctGroom
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Re: should I be upset?
HELL YEAH!.. that's not cool. Weddings cost enough and to have them spending mucho money on themselves seems selfish to say the very least. Now they can do whatever they want with THEIR money.. but to not lok out for you and provide some assiatnce is a lousy thing to do.. and I would tell them politely the whole situation from your point of view. And reverse the situation for them, and see how they would feel in your shoes.
Finally.. tell them.. you'll invite who YOU want to invite if they don't crack and help you out.
Good Luck!
september2004
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Re: should I be upset?
Posted by palebride
I guess you can't really be upset about it because it is their money and they can choose to spend it how they wish. Maybe they've had plans for this construction for a while now and already planned on spending the money on it. Or maybe they want to let the two of you pay for the wedding on your own as a life lesson.
good luck!!
sure your feelings may be hurt, but i agree with palebride. people place value on different things and perhaps a lavish wedding isn't something they find the need to spend $$ on. you should definitely limit the guest list to what you and FH can afford. you may or may not be pleasantly surprised with a gift. either way, just make sure you and FH stick together and work to make the day wonderful regardless of who pays what.
marymoon
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Re: should I be upset?
I'd be SO pissed off. I wouldnlt even give them a number of peope they cna invite. FH and I are making our own guest list.
they shouldn't be allowed more than a certain number of people however I don't think you could be mad, but this is JMO, I think that now-a-days the bride and groom should pay their own way. Of course if they go over their limit or insit upon things that cost more than they should pay for that, other than that I think the responsibility lies in the bride and groom and what they do with their money is their business. I wouldn't want to explain my spending to my children
LIJuneBride
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Re: should I be upset?
I think bizzybridesmom is saying that you feel how you feel and it's not right or wrong. Emotions just 'are'. And maybe they weren't financially able to help you out because of all these plans they had (prior to your engagement maybe?). Would it have been nice for them to help you out? Of course. Do they have to? No. Should you expect them to? No. Plan your wedding on your budget and do things your way. If they, or anyone else who didn't contribute, are not satisfied with your choices they have no right to say anything. Try not to be upset about it - I'm sure it doesn't mean they're not happy for you or that they don't love both of you. They just have different priorities.
