So my wedding was on July 7th. I received gifts from all my guests - very generous ones i might add....but one of my bridesmaids (a good friend) did not give a gift so when we were opening envelopes, I texted her & said that I just wanted to make sure it was not lost in case she gave an envelope or a gift at the wedding becuase we did not see it. She said that 'it is in the process' and that she will explain when she gets it. Now it's been a month & she did not mention anything about it - not even a 'hey, I'm sorry it's taking so long' - nothing. Now I know I did not invite her to the wedding just to get a gift but it's not even that, I did not even get a wedding card with good wishes - I just feel a little hurt & betrayed. We hung out after the wedding & everything is cool so I have no idea what's going on. Should I mention anything to her? I don't want to be resentful & ruin our friendship but I honestly don't feel like contacting her to hang out.
Please help!
Poggi
Posted:
Member since
Should I be upset?
Personally I wouldn't say anything to her. I just did a quick google of gift giving etiquette that said its ok to send a gift up to three months after (before looking I thought it was within a year after the wedding). Since she was a bridesmaid she probably put a lot of money towards being a part of your wedding and she may need some time to be back in a situation where she's financially able to give you a gift. If in three months she hasn't sent you anything reevaluate how you feel about the situation.
Angie2014
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Poggi
Personally I wouldn't say anything to her. I just did a quick google of gift giving etiquette that said its ok to send a gift up to three months after (before looking I thought it was within a year after the wedding). Since she was a bridesmaid she probably put a lot of money towards being a part of your wedding and she may need some time to be back in a situation where she's financially able to give you a gift. If in three months she hasn't sent you anything reevaluate how you feel about the situation.
Agreed. She may just need some time getting her finances in order. If she doesn't mention anything or give you a gift in the next few months, then maybe you could reconsider this situation.
CarpeDiem
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Poggi
Personally I wouldn't say anything to her. I just did a quick google of gift giving etiquette that said its ok to send a gift up to three months after (before looking I thought it was within a year after the wedding). Since she was a bridesmaid she probably put a lot of money towards being a part of your wedding and she may need some time to be back in a situation where she's financially able to give you a gift. If in three months she hasn't sent you anything reevaluate how you feel about the situation.
:bump:
cets1290
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
My sister just got a gift from her bridesmaid like 2 months ago and her wedding was in September. Sometimes you won't get a gift for awhile because etiquette says they have one year to give you your gift. My sister didn't saying anything to her bridesmaid about it, but she did end up getting a gift with a card explaining that she hadn't been able to come up with the money due to family stuff but that she hadn't forgotten about my sister
Bride2Be78
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Poggi
Personally I wouldn't say anything to her. I just did a quick google of gift giving etiquette that said its ok to send a gift up to three months after (before looking I thought it was within a year after the wedding). Since she was a bridesmaid she probably put a lot of money towards being a part of your wedding and she may need some time to be back in a situation where she's financially able to give you a gift. If in three months she hasn't sent you anything reevaluate how you feel about the situation.
This!!! Sometimes being in a bridal party can get expensive or maybe she is going through some tough times financially. I would leave it alone now. I agree she should have at least gave a card. We have 2 non-gifters and we never bought it up. We knew one had financial problems and the other we have no clue why LOL
simba301
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Poggi
Personally I wouldn't say anything to her. I just did a quick google of gift giving etiquette that said its ok to send a gift up to three months after (before looking I thought it was within a year after the wedding). Since she was a bridesmaid she probably put a lot of money towards being a part of your wedding and she may need some time to be back in a situation where she's financially able to give you a gift. If in three months she hasn't sent you anything reevaluate how you feel about the situation.
MsA2MrsA
Posted:
Member since
Should I be upset?
I would kind of be upset as well that I didn't even get a card. But there's nothing that you can do about now. Is she married? If she isn't you can always just give her back what she gave you, if she ends up giving you nothing.
Pinkisles
Posted:
Member since
Should I be upset?
My husbands coworker and his wife didn't show up because his wife had a cold. He told my husband at work that he would mail the card. We never got anything. I'm sending a thank you card to sort of remind them that they never sent it.
meejack1110
Posted:
Member since
Should I be upset?
I wouldn't bring it up if this happened to me, but I agree I would have been hurt if the Bridesmaid didn't even think to give you a card. I'm not looking for a big gift, or any cash at all, since I know my bridal party are taking on a big financial responsibility already. But to not even give a card wishing us well? It would hurt me for sure especially coming from a close friend.
Kroedel87
Posted:
Member since
Should I be upset?
Honestly, I would let it go. I know she should've given a gift, but we all knows it expensive to be a bridesmaid. I remember being a maid of honor at a friends wedding and shelling out a combined $1200 between dress, shoes, shower, bachelorette party, hair, make up, etc. and being like 'and now I have to find $200 for a wedding gift, too??' (I did, though). If she was a good bridesmaid in every other way, just let it go.
sandr325
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Since you hung out after your wedding and everything was cool I would forget about it. You already addressed it and know that it wasn't stolen or misplaced. Everyone is different with money and it might be embarrassing but something that she constantly has on her mind. I definitely agree to give her space and time.
Soon2BeMrsMango
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Kroedel87
Honestly, I would let it go. I know she should've given a gift, but we all knows it expensive to be a bridesmaid. I remember being a maid of honor at a friends wedding and shelling out a combined $1200 between dress, shoes, shower, bachelorette party, hair, make up, etc. and being like 'and now I have to find $200 for a wedding gift, too??' (I did, though). If she was a good bridesmaid in every other way, just let it go.
this!
sillylily
Posted:
Member since
Should I be upset?
If she is your friend then I would let it go. Act like it doesn't bother you and soon it really won't bother you. everyone is different and sometimes no matter how good the friendships are people don't tell you about their money issues. Is your friendship worth $150 or $200 or much more? think of it like that. Sometimes people might think and empty card is worst then no card. If you hang out and she still treats you like the same friend as always then let it be.
dariamarie2
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Kroedel87
Honestly, I would let it go. I know she should've given a gift, but we all knows it expensive to be a bridesmaid. I remember being a maid of honor at a friends wedding and shelling out a combined $1200 between dress, shoes, shower, bachelorette party, hair, make up, etc. and being like 'and now I have to find $200 for a wedding gift, too??' (I did, though). If she was a good bridesmaid in every other way, just let it go.
This! I wouldn't say anything. If she is having financial difficulties it's probably embarrassing for her to talk about. I would just let it go.
RussianBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Thanks for the advice ladies! I doubt that she's having financial problems as she went to a trip to Hawaii 2 months before my wedding. She didn't come to my bachelorette party & therefore didn't spend money in that. For my bridal shower she gave me towels. Fort engagement party she gave me wine and wine glasses. But she goes out & spends money so it's not financial problems. I dunno I guess I just feel like I always go out of my way & put thought into my gifts. I just feel like she could have handled it better. No she's not married yet & ill be giving her the same thing :) If it was somebody I wasn't close to then it wouldn't bother me but I've known her since high school & we've always been great friends so I just feel like a life event like this deserves some recognition, it's not like a bday. That's just how I feel.
MrsSparacino2B
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
Posted by Poggi
Personally I wouldn't say anything to her. I just did a quick google of gift giving etiquette that said its ok to send a gift up to three months after (before looking I thought it was within a year after the wedding). Since she was a bridesmaid she probably put a lot of money towards being a part of your wedding and she may need some time to be back in a situation where she's financially able to give you a gift. If in three months she hasn't sent you anything reevaluate how you feel about the situation.
Totally agree...I was just a bridesmaid in a wedding and obviously I am a bride myself, so I get both sides. Financially she's probably hurting (being a bridesmaid cost me a lot of $...I had to take $ out of my own wedding savings account that's how crazy things got with this one wedding I was in). Give her a little time I sure she'll send something your way soon. Good luck!
I would honestly let it go. She was your bridesmaid and with that comes a lot of financial responsibility, a lot of which she took on (minus the bachelorette party) because she is your friend. I honestly don't want a thing from my bridesmaids on my wedding day because they are already spending a lot just to be in my bridal party. I don't need a gift or even a card from them wishing us well because they are already wishing us well just by standing up there with me. If she's a really good friend, her being there would mean more than whether or not she gave a gift.
RussianBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Should I be upset?
I'll let it go, obviously her friendship means more to me then any gift. Thank you ladies for the great advice!
