Here's the thing ladies...My older sister and I have NEVER gotten along for more than a week! My entire family including HER husband thinks she is mentally unstable...ok long story short, my father begged me to make her one of my bm's and I did. She was very grateful and excited but ever since I asked her (November) I can't help but to stress out that she is going to pull some **& and ruin my day...she IS like that! So should I attempt to talk to her or should I just get her out? PLEASE HELP with this one! TIA
Kara and Todd
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
To be honest, you asked her. It appears from your post that she hasn't done anything since then worthy of being kicked out - in fact, you said she was really excited. I'm not sure I would kick her out solely because I was having second thoughts about her.
nanny111
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
This is a tough one. I wouldn't kick her out just yet. You said your whole family is aware of her instability... just ask them to keep an eye on her so you dont have to stress about it. Try to think of her objectively and concentrate on the positive things in your planning process.
cookiemonster
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
has she actually done something already to make you think this is gonna be bad? otherwise maybe you will be OK - plus, she is your sister...give it a shot for now. your family can help keep her under control when things get more hectic.
BunnyBears
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
whether or not she is a bm, she would likely be at the wedding which means she can do anything either way -which she especially would if you pulled her out - like other posters said she did nothing as of yet for you to pull her out and your family is aware so can keep an eye on her that day. do not give her any wedding responsibilities- just the basics- wear the dress, walk down, smile and thats it. some people rely on bm for help with planning but it is NOT necessary. this bm might give you trouble when it comes to picking the dress but other than that i do not see how she can ruin things without responsibilities. ??? and do not say straight out to her that she is wacky and not going to be helping you. keep the responsibilities spread out between all and mostly u and fh and if she asks to help just say youll get back to her and thank her like crazy and make sure she is not planning your shower.
do not take her out though!
imas98
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
If you're worried she'll do something at the wedding as a BM I'd be even MORE worried what would happen if I kicked her out ! She may get really upset & then you don't know what could happen. I agree with the other girls....no responsibilities what harm could it cause ?
SusiBtoM
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
Have you ever asked her why she would consider doing something to ruin your day ? Is it a jealousy issue, an attention issue ? Keep her as a BM. Kicking her out would probably enrage her and incite her to actually do something. She could do something anyway as a guest.
EJSD2006
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
Posted by Kara and Todd
To be honest, you asked her. It appears from your post that she hasn't done anything since then worthy of being kicked out - in fact, you said she was really excited. I'm not sure I would kick her out solely because I was having second thoughts about her.
ditto! talk to her about your concerns and just tell her that you just want to make sure everyone is on the same page and you want things to run smoothly. lie and tell her you've had the same talk with your other BM's, that way she doesnt feel singled out.
Lemons
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
Posted by SusiBtoM
Have you ever asked her why she would consider doing something to ruin your day ? Is it a jealousy issue, an attention issue ? Keep her as a BM. Kicking her out would probably enrage her and incite her to actually do something. She could do something anyway as a guest.
It's always been a jealousy thing with her...but everyone raises a really good point (her being able to ruin it as a guest anyway)...thanks for the help!
2Be1
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
What has she done thus far to be worthy of being kicked out
Autumn08
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
Hmmm... I have a similar situation with my brother who is going to be a bestman (both my brothers are). He told me he wasn't going to do a toast at the wedding but a roast!
I had my father explain to him that this was an important event and he needed to be respectful of that.
Then there was something with the tux. I said when the time comes I will tell him wear to go and what to get.
Be direct and explain your feelings when the situation is appropriate. If I didn't feel like I was able to do it I had my father do it.
Lemons
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
Posted by 2Be1
What has she done thus far to be worthy of being kicked out
honestly the only thing she has done (or NOT done I should say) is not returning my MOH's phone calls in regards to throwing the shower...but like someone posted, the less she is involved, the less damage she can do!
GinaZ
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
Posted by Kara and Todd
To be honest, you asked her. It appears from your post that she hasn't done anything since then worthy of being kicked out - in fact, you said she was really excited. I'm not sure I would kick her out solely because I was having second thoughts about her.
I agree! And she is your sister no matter what!
040508Bride
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Re: Should I drop my BM?
you already asked so i'd just deal with it for now---if she does something before the wedding, that is another story. Asking her NOT to be in the party would probably cause a huge problem--more so then anything she can pull of on her own i'm sure---so i'd just leave it be for now. I would just lay low for now and not do anything unless it's provoked. HTH
