Need some opinions here ladies...we had our engagement party almost a month ago, and FHs two BEST friends (one of whom is his buisness parter) did not get us a gift, after both attended w. their wives. FH is so upset, as we have been to many affairs for both couples and always got them a beautiful gift. FH's feelings are so hurt and I feel so bad for him :( I am SO tempted to call either these two morons (I have known both guys over 5 years) and just tell them that FH is very hurt and to please call him to apologize or something. Should I stay out of it and let them work it out themselves? I would not say anything normally, since I think its tacky but not horrible. But cannot stand to see FH so upset, and dont think his friends get it. What do you think?
jennbaby
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Re: should I stay out of it?
STAY OUT OF IT! it may ruin the guys relationship also they may not like you after you saying something either. Let FH handle it. If they are close friends, words will find thir way somehow and coming from FH may sound better than coming from you.
dcbride
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Re: should I stay out of it?
I would stay out of it. If you read any wedding magazine or website about engagement party etiquette it says that gifts are optional.
NuBride
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Re: should I stay out of it? (Long)
TWO of them didn't give a gift? I can understand ONE of them but TWO...I think it's time for FH to re-evaluate his 'friendship' with these two men. I would stay out of it ONLY because one of them is a business partner and hey let's face it, that's the bread and butter. I had the same thing happen to me, a really good girlfriend (so I thought at the time) came to my wedding with NOTHING, not even a card...I spoke to a mutual friend of our's and said something like this 'Hey what was up with 'name withheld' was she drunk? and the other girl said 'no why?', and I said she didn't give us a card! Well of course it got back to the girl who stiffed us and she was like ...'I'm so sorry I left the card on the table at home, blah, blah'...p.s. she never mailed it, I had to go to her house to pick up the gift (only because I was there for another reason) and she wrote the check out in front of me and somehow 'misplaced' the card. She never had any intention on giving us anything and at that point I was very willing to take her money. We are no longer friends and it cost her $100 to get me out of her life for good. Times like this you will truly see people's real colors, so keep your eyes open.
Stef28
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Re: should I stay out of it? (Long)
As DC bride said it's not mandatory to bring a gift to an engagement party. They are there to celebrate not give gifts. Also you have to understand with the costs of so many wedding related parties and gifts these days it can get quite costly for those who can't afford it. Perhaps they are saving to give you a wedding gift. Were they rude at the party or anything? I think this is a situation for your FH to deal with -- but really don't think they did anything wrong.
shamma
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Re: should I stay out of it? (Long)
Is it really that big a deal to your FI that they brought a gift with them?? The reason I am asking this is that w/o people attending there is no party. I would prefer to have a lot of my friends over with no gifts than few people with lots of gifts JMO.
Many people came to our engagement party and did not bring a gift I did not feel badly about it at all. I was too happy that everyone came, to wish us well and celebrate with us to even think on something so minor.
I think people come to celebrate with you, there are no rules that there should be gift giving involved. It would have been nice but definitely not a must. Are you sure that is the only reason your FI is SO upset???
I cannot see me or my FI feeling so upset over someone not giving a gift either at our engagement party or at our wedding. To be so upset would make us look as if we were expecting it or that we only gave gifts in the past to get gifts. I think one sets themself up for disappointment with a mindset such as this.
I feel bad that your FI is so upset about this, maybe if it bothers him so much he should speak to his friend and let him know he expected a gift. I don't think its something you should touch, its his friends.
All the best and happy planning
HappyEverAfter
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Re: should I stay out of it? (Long)
Honestly I would not even care, but these are his best friends...its not the matter of the material gift, but the fact that it makes him feel so unimportant that they could not get him a gift, when we always get something nice for them. Plus, this was a catered party, and I we were registered...I personally think its very tacky to go to a nice party w. no gift. Not to mention that they gave us a card that said 'the gift is in the mail'. We were worried that it was lost or something (had some FedEx delivery issues) so FH told friend #1 that we never received anything, in case he had to track it. #1 replied that 'friend #2 was supposed to take care of it, must have dropped the ball, oh well.' Like its nothing. I know its between them, but it upsets me that people can be this uncaring-my FH has bent over backwards for both of them...and they act like jerks. Both were going to be in the wedding, FH is so upset he doesnt even want to invite them now. He feels snubbed (a la the Godfather) I cannot believe hes freaking out about this so much actually, I am usually the overreactor. Who says men arent emotional?
LaurenS
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Re: should I stay out of it? (Long)
I see all of the other ladies' points. But since you have given these couples gifts in the past, I totally understand how you feel. These people should have gotten you something (even it if was something small like a bottle of wine) The etiquette may state that gifts are optional, but I think human nature states that you should at least bring a card!!!! I don't want to get blasted for this, but that is just my opinion.
HappyEverAfter
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Re: should I stay out of it? (Long)
Lauren, that is exactly how I feel. Its not the value of the gift, its the thought behind it. Thanks for putting that so eloquently
NuBride
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LADIES come on! Hmichick is right!
Hmichick you are absolutely 100% right to feel this way...did you read my tread? I know exactly how it feels and yes you were 'snubbed'..let's not sugar coat this..the card clearly stated 'gift in the mail' and then the two men acted like dumb and dumber. Sorry to sound like this but your FH is right to not want to invite them to the wedding. And to all the people that truly believe that a gift is not important...wait until your wedding...a gift symbolizes the respect that the person has for the newlywed couple, it's NOT the denomination, it's the thought of giving what they can whether it be $20 to $100 a kind of gift let's you know that they are acknowledging you.
NuBride
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Lauren just saw your response...and....
You are absolutely right , except I think you explained it better!
DH had quite a few people who did not get us a gift for our e party...I think primarily b/c they did not know better...and then as more and more e parties came up, I saw them giving gifts to other people...I chalk it up to being boys...no matter how old...sometimes they just don't get these things...
