Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

jessnjoey Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:19 PM

Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Okay I'm in my first wedding party this December...
I'm obviously paying ofr the dress, accessories, hair and makeup that day, shower, shower gift, bachlorette party, and the hotel that night...
I know it sounds strange but I'm not sure what to give as a gift (it will be a check just not sure how much..)..she's a good friend from college...My Dh and I just bought a house..

what do you girls expect from your BM's?
alittle more, a little less b/c of all the other stuff???

Ps I had a small wedding with no party that's why I'm asking!!
Thanks

eogara Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:23 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

We were just talking about this the other day. For myself, I always give more if I'm in the bridal party because it means that I'm closer to the person.

ETA: I just realized that you were asking what I expect my BMs to give me. I don't really have any gift expectations at all - BM or other so I guess I can't answer other than what I would do myself.

september2004 Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:24 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

i expect my girls to show up

Jordan Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:25 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Posted by eogara
For myself, I always give more if I'm in the bridal party because it means that I'm closer to the person.

Same here.

tray831 Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:49 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Yeah I would think more for being in it and also how close you are to her.......?

dita531 Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:53 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Posted by Jordan

Posted by eogara
For myself, I always give more if I'm in the bridal party because it means that I'm closer to the person.

Same here.

Me too.

heidla Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:53 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

I would expect that person to do what they can afford to do. Being in the BP means that you are closer, but that also means that you know more about that person's situation.

nylisa Posted: Jul 30, 2004 02:54 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Posted by heidla

I would expect that person to do what they can afford to do. Being in the BP means that you are closer, but that also means that you know more about that person's situation.

I agree

suven Posted: Jul 30, 2004 03:02 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

For my girls, they only had to pay for a $134 dress. My mother paid to have their shoes dyed, I paid for them to get their hair done, my mother paid for my shower. My girls did not have to help (financially or otherwise) with ANYTHING for my wedding.

My gifts from them were as follows:

My honor attendants did help out with some things. So, I really didn't care about what they gave. (they were both VERY generous)

But, I had 2 BMs who did absolutely nothing during the entire process except walk around on May 30 with a red dress. I know that for one of them, her mother actually gave the gift in her name and even wrote out the card. The other one, who was MISERABLE all a day and caused A LOT of trouble, gave $100, which I thought was laughable, considering that she took home a centerpiece that was allocated to someone else, and was a complete terror...

butterfly20 Posted: Jul 30, 2004 05:54 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

i would think more for being in the bridal party, but if you just paid over 200 on a dress, and hair and makeup and all..... then i would probably say more of a regular amount since you already spent so much

dm24angel Posted: Jul 30, 2004 05:59 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

It's weird, because I have always given MORE when Im in the bridal party yet I expect from my girls LESS if anything because of the money they have to lay out for dresses and what not...sO I think it depends...

tourist Posted: Jul 30, 2004 06:05 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Idon't really 'expect' my bridesmaids to give more $, but I have feeligntheywill. Mostly because they are my cousins & my family isa little nutty with gifts.

Actually the younger one, is only 16 so she may jsut be part of her family's gift, which is fine. IF she gives a gift, her family would pay for it, but give it separately, but if she were really giving it herslef, I wouldn't expect anything becaues hse is a teenager who has a summer job in a day camp.

When I was a bridesmaid for my college roomate, I tried to be extra generous but I wasn't making very much $ at the time, and although the dress was under $200, my alterations were over $100 , I had to buy shoes, travel to CT & spend 2 nights in a hotel, and I bought a more expensive shower gift than usual & chipped in for a bridal party gift.

I did not have to pay for my hair or the actuall shower.

I think we gave $200 or $250, and at the time , that seemed like alot. It was my first wedding without my family, I didn't really knwo what I was doing. In retrospect I should have bought her something because that would be more personal & the other people
at the rehearsal dinner did that, but they were all family.

myasmom Posted: Jul 30, 2004 06:40 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

My BP gave nada. Which is fine because i said no to.
MOH is in law school and the other is a student as well, with the other Bm a single mom who's son was also the RB so that was an extra expense.

They spent about 160 on their dress plus alterations, scarf,. They also funded my girls night out which was an upscale dinner..drinks were $9.00-12 each since I love pina coladas lol and being military means that I can not only hold my liquor but I can drink like a fish.

And we had a game where I had a hat and for each cute guy who signed it I got a drink...so that was one $$$ night beleive me. Then there was club hopping and the ride home. So did I expect them to give anything more...no.

jessnjoey Posted: Jul 31, 2004 11:05 AM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

thnaks everyone!!!
I guess it truly is a personal decision and if I can't financially give more then I'd like I think she'll understand.
I've also not been the absent bridesmaid either so I think that makes a difference!!!

Boop2704 Posted: Jul 31, 2004 11:21 AM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

It really does depend how close you are and your finances. I had such mixed gifts from my girls, one had her parents sign her name to their card and they gave a total of $150 for three people, another gave $100, but she is getting married too and flew in from Florida, so I didn't expect nor want anything from her. Another, DH's sister gave us $200 and my MOH gave us $400, but she got married 6 months before me and we gave them $400 because I was in her bridal party and we are best friends. Just give what you can afford. They understand the expeses you have.

RedHead Posted: Jul 31, 2004 11:27 AM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Posted by september2004

i expect my girls to show up

I agree 100%

With all the money they are spending on my wedding...i am thankful they are showing up much less getting more $$$

dm24angel Posted: Jul 31, 2004 11:37 AM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

Posted by oct.2004bride

Posted by september2004

i expect my girls to show up

I agree 100%

With all the money they are spending on my wedding...i am thankful they are showing up much less getting more $$$

Agreed....anyone that asks you to be a part of their day, does not expect a lot of money from you, if they do, they are not true friends....I would be grateful if my bm's gave me anything so I dont think you should worry at all about what you can afford!

kim425 Posted: Jul 31, 2004 11:50 AM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

I didn't expect any gift from my BP. They did enough with the dresses and the shower and everything else.

itsbouttime Posted: Jul 31, 2004 11:53 AM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

We have always given a very generous gift when we were in the bridal parties. but when we got married we didn't expect the same back from our ppl. we knew they all had their own financial situations to deal with. and we knew how much it costs these days to be in a wedding (especially for girls) Our bridal party was split i guess. some way too generous, some average and others that we were glad just showed up!!

pschica Posted: Jul 31, 2004 12:27 PM

Re: Should your BM give you more at the wedding?

mine was similar, my mom paid for the shower, the dresses cost $120 and i bought them shoes and gifts....one of my bms who couldn't really afford too much gave plenty, my sister was very generous, one was getting married in a few months so gave a reasonable gift(but we she wasn't supposed to give any since she knew it'd just comne back - we figured we'd break 'even' but she couldn't hold out on it!), another was so generous despite having to fly up and one of my very close frineds from college who could well afford a gift gave us a VERY cheap gift....i was insulted after i had seen what she gave others at weddings and all the heartache and problems she caused! .....