shower $$$$

Ok so I am a little bit perturbed....one of my friends is getting married in Oct 08 and I agreed to be a bridesmaid. Her parents are footing the bill for the reception and her mom paid for her dress, veil, etc. I think the only thing she's paying for is the videog/photog

I just forked over 112 bucks for half my dep. on the bm dress when I found out I have to chip in an additional 150 for the shower-plus her mom told me to get a stripper for the bachelorette party.

I am a little annoyed by this because I dont have the money to do this. I think I might also be a little bit jealous because my mom cant give me anything for my wedding AND I really dont want to put any financial strains on my bridesmaids. I refuse to put people through the stress.

Am I wrong? honest opinions girls. I have my own wedding to plan and the last thing I want to do is put my friends in debt over it.

i think you should talk to the bridesmaids.......and agree to pay for that together! its not fare for you to pay for that!!! thats just toooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Donna...i totally feel your pain. I was in a wedding last year and it costs a lot of money!

Unfortunately, the response that I got when trying to talk about it was 'you agreed to be in a bridal party and you knew it would cost money.'

Now dont get me wrogn, I knew I would need to pay for thigns like my dress and all but I think I was assuming that th other expenses would be things that were necessary. I have no problem doing things for the bride and making it ht ebest shower possible but I prefer to do it with a bargain hunters eye! Not everyone feels this way though...hang in there...maybe talk to the mother and explain the situation? I tried talking with the MOH and it didnt work...i spoke with the MOB and she was VERY understanding..

Edit: I already told my BMs < MOH (sister) and Mom that my shower/bachelorette party should be cheap cheap cheap. have the shower at home and take me to lunch for my bach party. no use spending a ridiculous amount of money on it!

I think that if you weren't paying for own wedding I would say just be a good friend and do it...but with your own wedding to pay for that is tough. My MOH is getting married in Feb of 09 and she is my MOH and we are trying to work things out so we are not putting stress on the other financially.
Maybe you should tell her that you would love to be a part of her wedding but right now the bills are adding up.

Good luck...I feel your pain!

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Oh Donna...i totally feel your pain. I was in a wedding last year and it costs a lot of money!

Unfortunately, the response that I got when trying to talk about it was 'you agreed to be in a bridal party and you knew it would cost money.'

Now dont get me wrogn, I knew I would need to pay for thigns like my dress and all but I think I was assuming that th other expenses would be things that were necessary. I have no problem doing things for the bride and making it ht ebest shower possible but I prefer to do it with a bargain hunters eye! Not everyone feels this way though...hang in there...maybe talk to the mother and explain the situation? I tried talking with the MOH and it didnt work...i spoke with the MOB and she was VERY understanding..

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Really....I just found it to be a punch in the face. Her mom knows I had to cancel my first reception because we couldnt afford it-she even asked me what I was paying etc. I thought she was empathizing.....I guess not!!!!

i agree with you on this one. having to fork over money for ur friends shower (and a STRIPPER TOO) is a lot especially with your own wedding to plan.

I feel the same way about putting a financial strain on people in ur wedding party.

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Posted by DonnaPWhite1124

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Oh Donna...i totally feel your pain. I was in a wedding last year and it costs a lot of money!

Unfortunately, the response that I got when trying to talk about it was 'you agreed to be in a bridal party and you knew it would cost money.'

Now dont get me wrogn, I knew I would need to pay for thigns like my dress and all but I think I was assuming that th other expenses would be things that were necessary. I have no problem doing things for the bride and making it ht ebest shower possible but I prefer to do it with a bargain hunters eye! Not everyone feels this way though...hang in there...maybe talk to the mother and explain the situation? I tried talking with the MOH and it didnt work...i spoke with the MOB and she was VERY understanding..

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Really....I just found it to be a punch in the face. Her mom knows I had to cancel my first reception because we couldnt afford it-she even asked me what I was paying etc. I thought she was empathizing.....I guess not!!!!

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How obnoxious...i definitely think you should speak with them!

I really just think Im jealous. I need to get over it!!!

ETA: not jealous, more like green with envy...
Im going to talk to her mom though. This is ridiculous. Trust me if i was living at home and not getting married it would be a different story.

My problem with this situation is, 'Why does her mom want only 'you' to foot the bill for the stripper. This should be a group effort and if the mom wants a stripper than she should get it. It's a want not a need. I wouldn't want to have to be singled out to pay for something on my own when there are other ways to go about paying for it JMO!!

I would definitely have a talk with her and express your feelings.

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Oh Donna...i totally feel your pain. I was in a wedding last year and it costs a lot of money!

Unfortunately, the response that I got when trying to talk about it was 'you agreed to be in a bridal party and you knew it would cost money.'

Now dont get me wrogn, I knew I would need to pay for thigns like my dress and all but I think I was assuming that th other expenses would be things that were necessary. I have no problem doing things for the bride and making it ht ebest shower possible but I prefer to do it with a bargain hunters eye! Not everyone feels this way though...hang in there...maybe talk to the mother and explain the situation? I tried talking with the MOH and it didnt work...i spoke with the MOB and she was VERY understanding..

Edit: I already told my BMs < MOH (sister) and Mom that my shower/bachelorette party should be cheap cheap cheap. have the shower at home and take me to lunch for my bach party. no use spending a ridiculous amount of money on it!

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i totally agree with you on this. i say this at the risk of making enemies, but (IMHO) i don't think it's right to ask the bridal party to pay restaurant prices for a shower. i can see having an elaborate shower if the people footing the bill are well established like some parents, but most BMs are young and scrimping funds together for things in their own lives. i too am trying to be money-conscious in choosing their dresses. i don't think agreeing to be there for your friend on her big day necessarily means that you have to sign yourself up for over-the-top expenses. honestly, i think it's a bit bridezilla to expect that from people.

unfortunately, griping about cost usually starts drama (in my experience). i really hope it all works out.

oh i totally hear you! i've been pulling my HAIR out trying think of ways to save my girls money and make sure they don't have to bend over backwards financially to be a part of this. so to have to dole out all that cash when you're not in the position to be spending money is SO difficult! i hope they'll ease up on all these expenses!! gl!!

Im glad you guys are thinking on the same page as me.

The idea of a backyard shower is awesome considering the weather is beautiful a few weeks beforehand AND her mother has a big backyard.

What gives??!?!?

ugh.... i feel like this is a really tough one! i agree that it is presumptuous that you would pay for the bridal shower and the stripper, but i don't think that the fact that she's not paying for the wedding should make a difference.

when my sister got married, i was the MOH and it was my first time being in a wedding (and before i knew of this awesome site) so i asked the girls to chip in about 150 each for the shower. it wasn't even a crazy shower... we did all of the cooking and bought paper plates, etc. but things are expensive. anyway, one of the BM's confronted my sister about it and made her feel awful. my sister had nothing to do with the planning, and it put her in an awkward place.

now that it's my turn, and i understand the money pinch, i told my sister that i really want simple, and not to ask a lot of my girls, but that's the end of my involvement.

i guess what i'm saying in this long ramble is that i would avoid talking to the bride, and see if you can figure something out with the MOB.

Im sorry that you are going through this!!!

Its funny that this is a post because my friend at work in kinda in the same situation as you...only shes not getting married. She is just a bridesmaid and the MOB and the MOH are demanding her to pay for things that she really cant afford. I dont think the being in a bridal party should make anyone go into debt. Its a honor that you accept but when you accept that honor, realize that there is going to be finances involved. With that said I agree with you totally, that you should not have to be spending all kinds of money when you have your own wedding/bills to pay for. Its enough that you have to spend $$ on the dress, and the gift.

I think that you should tell MOB that you just are not financially able to contribute that amount of money right now, and if she wants the stripper then she is going to have to contribute towards it. Most of the time people are understanding about it...and even if she isnt you need to stand your ground because and the end of the day...Make sure that you have enough money for your own day. Apparently her mother is hurting for cash and she should be able to contribute for the things that she wants.

I would definitely just let her know that you have lots of other things to pay for and you will contribute as long as it's reasonable.....if the mother wants a stripper for her daughter, that's considered an extra and she should pay for it.

Where is the Maid of Honor in all of this? Shouldn't she be the one talking to the mother about the expenses and then figuring out what everyone should split?

I think the BMs have enough expenses with the dress, shoes, hair, etc. without having to worry about added extras....I'm sorry you have to deal with this