Ok, first let me start off by saying that I love all my bridesmaids and my MOH. All of them mean the world to me. I guess there has been a little drama about planning the shower, that they were trying to keep from me, but I found out without meaning to. One of my BM's lives in Arizona, she will not be coming to the shower. She is going to have to pay for plane tickets for her, her husband, and her two kids to come for the wedding, and she is paying for her hair and stuff to be done too. When I was in her wedding, she told me not to worry about the shower because I was not going to be able to be there.....anyways....my MOH sent her an e-mail breaking down the amounts that each person has to give towards the shower, after all of the other bridesmaids said that they don't think she should have to put any money in, because she will not be here, and she has to get her plane ticks....but the e-mail was already sent..so now I don't know what to do, I don't want her to put money in..I don't think it is fair to her, if she is not gonna be here...I am afraid to say something to my MOH because I don't want her feelings to get hurt. I was thinking I should just call my friend in Arizona and tell her to reply to the e-mail that my MOH sent her, and in it say that I told her that I did not want her to put money towards it.....would that be ok? I don't know what to do. I don't want any drama, and I care about all my bridesmaids so much....
Sorry so long...TIA
cookiemonster
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Maybe have one of your other BMs talk to your MOH? That way it doesn't look like it's coming from you, and your MOH can then write to your Arizona BM and tell her not to worry about it?
SN2BMRSBURTE
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Posted by cookiemonster
Maybe have one of your other BMs talk to your MOH? That way it doesn't look like it's coming from you, and your MOH can then write to your Arizona BM and tell her not to worry about it?
They already told her, she says that she is in the bridal party..so she should help pay, I guess.
Is that right? Should she help pay? Oh jes
rkl1130
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Yes--I would try to have another BM talk to MOH. Let it come from your MOH/other BMs.
natseven
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
I would just tell my MOH to keep that BM out of the shower planning and that she will not be contributing.
rkl1130
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Posted by SN2BMRSBURTE
Posted by cookiemonster
Maybe have one of your other BMs talk to your MOH? That way it doesn't look like it's coming from you, and your MOH can then write to your Arizona BM and tell her not to worry about it?
They already told her, she says that she is in the bridal party..so she should help pay, I guess.
Is that right? Should she help pay? Oh jes
Since they already told her and she is stil on insisting in contributing, there isn't much anyone can do. I'm sure since she won't be here for your shower, this is her way of feeling like she's part of it and is doing something even though she's far away.
diva7531
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Don't involve yourself. Your BM says she wants to contribute, let her. I have learned in this planning process, let people do what they are gonna do. I think FMIL is contributing too much, RH, shower, RD, gift...but FH says we can't stop her. He's right. Just let it flow.
Espo22
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
I think its better if you tell your MOH bc if you tell your BM to say something then its gonna go back and forth between the two of them and who knows if drama will occur because of it. Better to just bring it up to your MOH and say oh listen I told so and so this so dont worry I handled it.
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
i would flat out tell MOH you dont want her paying and your reasons, period. I just dont see why she wouldnt understand that.
GL!
mycrayon1
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
The best advice I can give is to have one of your BM's talk to your MOH. Have her explain to her how you feel, and how the rest of the BM's feel.
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Just to clarify, your BM that lives in Arizona didn't say she wanted to contribute, rather your MOH sent an email telling her the breakdown and how much she *should* contribute - did I get that right?
If so, then just let your MOH know that you do not want your out of town BM to help pay for the shower since she has so many other expenses and won't be here. I'm sure your BM's can ALL chip in for the gift, but for the shower, if you don't want her to have to pay then your MOH should be ok with that.
Don't ask your out of town BM to tell your MOH that you said you didn't want her to pay. It could get sticky, and your MOH may not want to hear that from the BM. So just tell your MOH and BM's how you feel and hopefully that will help resolve the issue.
SN2BMRSBURTE
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Posted by MrsQ-in2007
Just to clarify, your BM that lives in Arizona didn't say she wanted to contribute, rather your MOH sent an email telling her the breakdown and how much she *should* contribute - did I get that right?
If so, then just let your MOH know that you do not want your out of town BM to help pay for the shower since she has so many other expenses and won't be here. I'm sure your BM's can ALL chip in for the gift, but for the shower, if you don't want her to have to pay then your MOH should be ok with that.
Don't ask your out of town BM to tell your MOH that you said you didn't want her to pay. It could get sticky, and your MOH may not want to hear that from the BM. So just tell your MOH and BM's how you feel and hopefully that will help resolve the issue.
Yup, that's right. They have never met before. MOH sent the note to friend in Arizona. The friend in Arizona did not ask to help before the note was sent....
billandme
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Posted by Aug07OFCbride
i would flat out tell MOH you dont want her paying and your reasons, period. I just dont see why she wouldnt understand that.
GL!
I agree.....
brady37
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Do you have any clue how much the contribution is? If it's not a lot and will not cost the rest of the bridal party a lot of money then you should definitely have them talk to her... but if they budgeted the shower thinking that the cost would be divided by, let say 6, instead of 5, the bridal party might be a little erked that they have to put more in... is there anyone else they can ask to chip in? your mom or FMIL?
SN2BMRSBURTE
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Posted by brady37
Do you have any clue how much the contribution is? If it's not a lot and will not cost the rest of the bridal party a lot of money then you should definitely have them talk to her... but if they budgeted the shower thinking that the cost would be divided by, let say 6, instead of 5, the bridal party might be a little erked that they have to put more in... is there anyone else they can ask to chip in? your mom or FMIL?
No, I think my FMIL is chipping in, and my mother passed away.
SN2BMRSBURTE
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
I think I am going to just wait and if MOH brings it up or if friend in Arizona brings it up, then I will say something in a nice way. I'm not even supposed to know about it.. Thanks for your advice ladies
brady37
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
Posted by SN2BMRSBURTE
Posted by brady37
Do you have any clue how much the contribution is? If it's not a lot and will not cost the rest of the bridal party a lot of money then you should definitely have them talk to her... but if they budgeted the shower thinking that the cost would be divided by, let say 6, instead of 5, the bridal party might be a little erked that they have to put more in... is there anyone else they can ask to chip in? your mom or FMIL?
No, I think my FMIL is chipping in, and my mother passed away.
Awe sorry about your mom! Then maybe you could talk to FH about your concern and if his mom can afford it, maybe she can throw in the extra, if not then I would definitely talk to your MOH yourself and tell her your concerns!
weddingbunny
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
I'd call your moh and just tell her that you heard what happened, and you're sorry for the misunderstanding, but you just wanted to let her know that you had talked about this with your bm ahead of time, and just forgotten to let her know not to ask this particular bm to pay for the shower, since she did the same for you.
I think it should come from you, not through some roundabout way. Just apologize for the misunderstanding and tell her that you so much appreciate all of the work she's done, and that you'd appreciate it if she'd rework things so the one girl doesn't have to pay. honesty is the best policy!
Mrs_C_in_'07
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
I would talk to your MOH. Let her know that it's really not fair for her to put money in and you would appreciate if she contacted your BM to let her know that the email wasn't really directed towards her.
jessruth9
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Re: Shower drama....what would you do?
If it's already been done just talk to the BM and let her know it's not neccesary to contribute. Have the BM closest to you let MOH know that's how you feel. No drama - just be honest with everyone and you will be fine.
