Shower question - who pays?

So I'm a BM for one of my BM's. She's only having her two sisters and me - so there's 3 females in the BP. Her mom and sister initiated the shower planning and informed me of the date this past weekend. My question: should I offer money toward the cost? Or do I wait for them to ask for it? I know the restaurant alone is $1,500.

There's another aspect that makes it weird: I have been very upfront with my sister (MOH) that I don't want my BM's burdened with big financial responsibilities. I want a casual low-scale shower, and I do not want a big group gift from my girls. Aside from my sister, none of my BM's are in a position to shell out a lot of money. So at the end of the day, this particular BM isn't going to be asked to reciprocate (I know that's not what it's about).

Plus, we made a deal that we wouldn't exchange wedding gifts, since both her and her FI are in our party. So I'm totally lost as to my financial requirements! I have no problem giving money if they're expecting it, but do I wait to be asked?

Thanks girls!

There is nothing wrong w/ you to offer them $$, let them refuse it if they dont want it, but at least you're offering.

I had a similiar problem/concern so what I decided to do was to help out in any way possible. (Designing and printing the invitations, helping pick out favors, decorations, do some running around, etc.) This way, you contribute and don't feel weird about who does what or who pays for what. It's actually fun this way b/c you directly contribute to your friends day and you took the time and thought to make it special for her!! That'll probably mean more to her than anything!!!
Good Luck!!!

Since the BP is so small it will probably be the three of you and her mom. That is what I would think, maybe her mom will give a little more. I typically plan on spending $500 when I am a BM for the shower and gift.

ETA: I don't think you asking your MOH not to burden your BM's should have anything to do with her shower. That is your choice and very nice of you I might add! You can't expect other people to do the same.

Well I think if her mom was expecting you to pay then you should have some say in the place, the cost, etc.

I've been a MOH and BM many times and the bride's moms always paid. As did my mom for my shower.

I think if you want offer a set amount or offer to help in other ways (invites, decorations, etc)

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Posted by bridetobe

ETA: I don't think you asking your MOH not to burden your BM's should have anything to do with her shower. That is your choice and very nice of you I might add! You can't expect other people to do the same.

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I absolutely agree!

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Posted by Donna

Well I think if her mom was expecting you to pay then you should have some say in the place, the cost, etc.

I've been a MOH and BM many times and the bride's moms always paid. As did my mom for my shower.

I think if you want offer a set amount or offer to help in other ways (invites, decorations, etc)

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My thoughts exactly. As bridetobe also said, I think I'll offer money and see what they think (with the $500 amount in mind).