Okay, so I talked to my cousin (she's a BM, but she really should be my MOH b/c my sister *****) tonight, & she said she just found out when my shower is. I told her she's not allowed to tell me, b/c it's supposed to be a suprise. My issue is this.....
My cousin really wants to come up for the shower (my entire family is in FL), but she doesn't want to come up for just one day, she wants to be able to spend some time with me. She said the shower is on a Sunday, & she can come up on a Friday & leave the following Monday, but I'm not allowed to know when the shower is so I can't see her or my mom until the actual shower on Sunday!?!?!??! How sh*tty is that!!!
My FMIL is throwing the shower (about 85% of the guests invited to the wedding & shower are hers alone), but can't I have a little say in whether it's a suprise or not? I only get to see my family twice a year (if that), and if my mom & cousin are coming up for the shower, don't I have a right to spend time with them while they're here, instead of them being stuck in a hotel for two days?!?!?!? Should I say something to my FMIL, or my FH? Any advice on what to do?
Sorry so long!
9yearslater
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Re: Shower suprise.......
who said that your shower has to be a surprise, we all know that we are having one so thechnicaly it really isn't surprising. I think you should spend time with your family when they come up. after all this should be about making you happy, just act surprised.
tricia3381
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Re: Shower suprise.......
i would have ur cousin come up and not tell ur FML that shes here.
lacey&mark
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Re: Shower suprise.......
obvously its more importatnt to YOU that you spend time with your family than having a surpise shower (altough seriously, this is nearly impossible to have anyways, you will expect that everytime you are invited somewhere that it may be your shower, as soon as you recognize all the cars in the parking lot the surprise is ruined, or someone inevitably spills the beans, etc). i think you should definitely tell your fmil that you will be spending time with your family when they come. have your mom tell you when they are coming regardless of how your fmil reacts.
BunnyBears
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Re: Shower suprise.......
maybe just make plans for them to come and visit - pretend youre a dumby and don't connect the shower 'possibility' When talking to FMIL just say how excited you are that they are coming to visit you for a weekend. Tell her that they are coming on 'friday and we'll go see a movie and saturday all day shopping and then make 'plans' for sunday - day in the city..this way FMIL thinks you are not expecting shower on sunday. OR just avoid her the days before the shower-but is fmil in touch with cousin and mom because maybe she thinks once they get here on that fri and sat they may help towards the shower in some ways...
OR i maybe just tell fmil that you know that the shower is coming up because your wedding is coming up and since your family lives so far away i know that they wont stay just one day so i'd rather spend time with them the days before the shower since they;ll be here but then i need to know when the shower is.
good luck!
Kara and Todd
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Re: Shower suprise.......
My shower isn't going to be a surprise. I know when and where it is (though nothing else). I don't want to show up in jeans with my hair in a pony tail straight from the barn smelling like my horses -- and I want to see my FH's family who will be up for a couple of days around the shower.
The other option is to ask your FMIL to have the shower on a Saturday so you can at least see your family on Sat night and Sunday -- or ask your FH to explain all of this to her.
To be totally honest, at first I thought I wanted my shower to be a surprise... but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was much better knowing -- so I told my mom (who is throwing it) that I really wanted to know. This way, I can see the OOT people and I can get a dress and have my hair and makeup done... Works better for me this way.
Pinkiegirll07
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Re: Shower suprise.......
I'm in the same boat. My FIL's are likely coming up for my shower, but I told my mom that since they're coming from SC, I want to be able to do stuff with them all weekend like take them to see our RH, to see my dress, etc... since they live so far away I really want them to feel involved... I'm praying my shower is on a Saturday afternoon, so at least I can have Sunday with them to do stuff! I'd say to fake the surprise and keep it quiet so your FMIL doesn't know!
